I’m having trouble internalizing the I am the prize/ the I am enough mindset. Over the past couple months I’ve been rather surprised with the quality of girls Ive been attracting.
I walk into bars and sometimes find the hottest girl looking at or me or even sometimes stopping me or standing around me. I’ve heard girls talk to their friends about what theyre gonna say to me.
However Ive been fumbling and badly, some I fumble very quickly, others I choke at the end.
I have been trying to work backwards and figure out what im doing and I think its my mindset/ body language. I have a friend who pulls effortlessly sometimes he doesn’t even say anything and girls will swoon. But he’s not that good looking, rather average actually, so Ive been analyzing him to figure out what he does.
It seems A he completely does not focus on/ almost borderline ignores women the whole night, but will somehow end up with one and two he’s always in a good mood having fun.
I feel like growing up without a good relationship with attractive women has ingrained in myself im not good enough. Despite all the self improvement I feel like I’ll inevitably mess it up. That I need to be perfect and I often panic and tank the interaction. To the point of self sabotage.
The thing is too I’ve taken hundreds of rejections and I think it’s actually tanked my confidence. I’ll take brutal rejections from 6,7s but 8,9s are warm and it causes cognitive dissonance. Some approaches ill get really weird reactions and Ive found a big factor is my mood as well.
I have trouble keeping a good mood and I overthink and over analyze and cant stay present. Eventually the reaction fizzles out and they leave. Im stuck in the desperation/neediness loop where I have no abundance.
Just this week yet again I was talking to one of the more attractive girls in the bar and I basically got a point where I just didn’t know what to do, I had never gotten this far. Not in the sense that Ive never had sex or a ons but I like can’t picture myself getting with such an attractive girl, its pedestalization. Could also be a factor of bad logistics and not knowing what to do.
I’ve finally ironed out a good amount of other things in my life and will be moving out shortly, not sure how to address this need to ingrain it into my head. Ive read pook and warlord and my frame its not there.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Read this. See if it applies to you because if you're getting hundreds of rejections while being somewhat of even a half quality guy you are doing something substantially wrong with the social fundamentals
Permanent Game Noob and how to fix it
Men do not have negative self beliefs about talking to women when they have good social skills. I'm not even talking about game. If you can have a normal conversation with men and women, you will not have a hard time. Then you add game on top of that
If you're having a hard time "i never got this far" it's because you are failing at the social skills level, not game/PUA
Edit: if you can't even survive a normal conversation with a woman and keep her engaged that way there isn't any point in running game unless it's just YOLO game
Red_dead 2w ago
Hey thanks for the reply and sorry for the late response I've been traveling for work. But yea I read that guide when you first posted it and read it again, then waited a day and read it again just to make sure this wasnt me. I even talked it over with some close personal friends and they said that does not describe me. For example I was on many sports teams in HS. Many of the D1 players college were on my hs team went to my school and I was cool with. I was in a large fraternity and knew most guys and girls on campus when I was in college. I'm very socially inclined now as well. The problem is the elevator pitch, If you force me and a girl in a room I can 100% carry an interaction, but I have trouble getting to the hook point beacuse i put too much pressure on myself to not fuck up, I get scared they might leave. Its a bit of cognitive dissonance, girls find me attractive I know I have attractive qualities, but my sexless mentality from HS.
Some clarifications when I said hundreds of rejections I meant over years, not in a row. When I said I'd never been there before I just meant with a really hot girl. For some reason when they are into me I feel out of place despite me knowing im better than her. I think I have a problem with comparison to other men, thats been hard for me to shake, even though I have many male friends.
Its funny because all my friends think I'm great with women I wouldnt also say Im bad just more inconsistent, sometimes for me its hard to get out of my head and my only focus then becomes women instead of enjoying myself and all my interactions go to shit.