hardly feels any desire for sex (not just with me, but in general)

The "in general" is a convenient lie. She's lost attraction for you dude.

. It's not about who's to blame, but what I make of it.

It's about getting the best possible life for you, yes.

I'm thinking about separating and then living permanently without a long-term girlfriend. I can easily afford to visit a prostitute every week to live out my kinks. That's legal in my country. And I'll have girlfriends for casual sex, but not a relationship.

Right

It seems a bit selfish to me. What do you think of this lifestyle?

Selfish??? Who the fuck cares if it's selfish.... it's your life. Everyone labelling people selfish is because they want your support for themselves. You know what's selfish.... chaining a man into a sexless unloving "relationship" while enjoying his finances, protection, company, support, etc..

Can it be lived healthily? And will I be happy with it in the long term?

Happy in the long term...... who knows, only you can decide.

Sex isn't everything, but it's not nothing either.

Went through menopause? How fucking old is she

To bind oneself to one woman serves only one function: to raise kids. Beyond that, it will always be a bad deal for the man.

It seems a bit selfish to me

Not at all. You haven't been given this one life to sacrifice your own needs so that another adult individual can have hers.

What do you think of this lifestyle?

Perfectly sensical. Personally though, if I ever get divorced from my wife, I wouldn't mind another girlfriend if we vibe. But I'd draw the line before moving in together. That will never happen again. And possibly also being introduced to eachother's family and friends (anything that complicates it when it's time to go).

Can it be lived healthily? And will I be happy with it in the long term?

Health and happiness will always demand discipline - whether you're single, or you're making a marriage work for you. Maybe there's an added element of motivation to "be attractive for the health of my marriage", but there's nothing stopping a single dude from just putting his mind into the same thing.

By "discipline", I mean exercise and training, fostering social networks with (primarily) other men, having projects and stuff to do, reading and feeding your innate curiosity towards the world around you.

In short: having a life.

Read: "The myth of the lonely, old man" (article by Rollo Tomassi).

The main (only?) point of an LTR with a woman is to form a stable union in which to raise children.

An marriage comes with so many risks and drawbacks for a man. Like, SO many. You have to weight up those risks and costs and then balance them against the benefits of having children.

I got shouted down recently on a different thread for saying that marriage kills a woman's sex drive. My experience, and the reported experience from other trusted men is that women simply go off sex as soon as they get everything they want (house, car, stability, love, commitment etc) It dries the panties like nothing else.

So what is the point of marriage if it is not for having children? Most men realise this in the end..... after making many many expensive mistakes.

You say "And I'll have girlfriends for casual sex, but not a relationship."

Why can't you have a relationship with a girlfriend? I think that can work. If you don't live together, she will have the necessary dread. And then if you need to give her tingles from drama, just don't answer your phone for a couple of days. She'll be soaking.

It's basically impossible to have any dread or scarcity when married -therefore there is no drama, therefore no tingles, therefore the panties stay dry.

As the others have said, kids are the only reason to sign on for that tour of duty.

Beyond that I would say right now it would be folly for you to look at getting another LTR. If you meet someone who blows your socks off and you just can't live without her then OK shack up with her but otherwise once you have your freedom back, keep it.

If it does not make you happy you can quit it, If you fear it will not make you happy you can after reflection quit it but to start from a position of fear and seek a woman because to not have one will make you lonely and selfish is an unnecessarily cautious position that could lead to much misery. Being single for a few years will give you the answers one way or another.

39 and she's in menopause? That's early, unless she's older than you.

I wouldn't believe the, she has no desire for sex, it's just , not with you.

women get bored just like men. I'd say even more, because with women, it's about the "feelz", the excitement.

What's exciting about a guy you've been with 5 years and are married to?

She's working more and that's removing her energy for you also. Now, don't get me wrong, if you want out, then let her advance in her career and earnings so you will come out of the divorce better. Not sure if it matters in your country, I'm in USA, here , you bet your ass it matters.

"separating" ? you mean divorce. why would you let her F other guys and still be married to her and responsible for her debt,etc? Again, I'm in USA, that's the deal here.

Yes, at least in the US, if you don't have kids, I'm not sure why guys marry. Like, unless she has a lot more money than me, why would I do that? Then, she's at risk with divorce, not me.

I think LTR"s, or partnerships are very doable. Although in the US, you have to be careful not to join money and purchases otherwise you have some risk their if you split. If you are a good looking guy, you probably would have no issue with this.

I wish prostitution was legal here in the US, but they will not allow it as it takes power away from Women. Pretty much say's it all.

If a woman is not providing sex, she's a friend at most.

If you've been together for 5 years and you're ready to go just like that then perhaps it's not quite a meaningful relationship to begin with. There is no point in staying together or making some sacrifices to make it work. Seems like you're ready to leave, and can make it work by yourself, go ahead just don't leave a mess with her

I'm a firm believer in the thought that it's not fair for either of you to stay in a relationship with no desire.

As a guy who went through a horrible divorce. I will say that it was worth all the trouble and heartache.

As long as you have friends and girls to fuck, you won't need an LTR. You probably won't miss it.