First off, the macros of life seem to be on your side here -brains, looks and career, so don't worry too much about the small stuff like how you come over right now. What is more important is keeping the macros all headed in the right direction because when they reach a certain level it really won't make a huge difference how you come over, people will sit up and take you seriously. As that starts to happen you will yourself adjust your behaviour naturally. When you are a successful lawyer, you will speak differently to people than when you are a fresher, people will take you differently and you will grow naturally into that role, with a few epiphany moments on the way and you will also probably have a few real blind spots that less successful guys would have addressed but you don't have to -think of a judge or consultant doctor who has some irritating tic that he just either can't see or can't be bothered to change -because he doesn't have to -he si top dog, he does what he likes.

Self improvement is a good thing but just be yourself. Don't lose yourself as you make yourself better. Low value guys have to be what people want them to be. Higher value guys get to be the best version of themself they can be. So if you like making jokes, do it. Just learn to draw your lines. People please all you like but learn to inset a moment of pause in your thought when asked to do something or to reply to a comment to decide if it was a fair thing and if you will do or say what is needed to please or not. Just get used t who you are, what you like and don't and be happy to say what you feel with a smile. Men will respect that.

A fair few young high value guys are dicks -they don't have to not be dicks so they are dicks. So what, screw them, act how you like, they will mature as they learn they have to be more respectful to get on in life and they will respect you for being yourself.

I feel like I used to be a people pleaser also. What helped me was realizing that I thought that people were above me. It didn’t matter what their specs were (dumb, annoying, ugly), they all had more confidence than me.

I realized that the way people treat you is often due to their own insecurities. IF you are acting as a people pleaser, then what you’re doing is giving people the ability to use you as the placeholder that proves that they’re better than someone. It may not be conscious, but that’s how it is.

So yes, it comes down to self-esteem. You need to be able to disagree with people and not fear their reactions. I think what caused me to act this way was that a relative was always an extreme dick if I disagreed, so this changed my behavior, but I realized that this happens mainly with relatives because they feel comfortable being hateful to you if that’s in their nature, whereas people who are not close with you often won’t cross the line that makes you question your worth long term, unless you yourself cross that line with them.

So next time a gas station attendant or a teacher says they love the heat, say you prefer the cold more (if you do). I bet before you’d have said you prefer the heat more just to “bond” but that’s dumb.

Read the following books:

"No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover

"When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith