**Sorry about the long post but I need to unload this. English is not my first language.

Looks like it’s my turn to burn at the stake gentlemen. LTR of 3 years brought some issues up to me a month ago. How she has been unhappy in the relationship, how I broke her numerous times and she’s tired of waiting for the relationship to improve. Most of these came from how I went about punishing her when I felt she did something wrong. She reminded me of the days she slept next to me crying because I wouldn’t touch her after she came late. Times when she had to call me off her mom’s phone because I blocked her for weeks over some other stupid mistake. These things happened ages ago and Idk why they’re just bothering her now. She said she’s never once felt me pursue her and it hurts her. That she always has to be on egg shells around me because she might say the wrong thing and we wouldn’t talk for weeks.

This shit looks like stuff she’s really thought through. Then she said she would like space but she knows I don’t believe in that so she doesn’t know how we’ll mend things. I just replied “let’s talk in person and fuck it out.” She came over and I blew her back but I could tell it isn’t the same any more. The sex didn’t have the effect it’s always had on her before, even after cumming like 4 times. Her whole body was shaking but she was still being logical. I tried cuddling her and manipulating her, she cried and said something is broken and she doesn’t think it can be fixed. Fucked her one more time and realized it was just sex. She would have intense orgasms but it wasn’t affecting her head.

I’m realizing I caught oneitis and it hurts like hell. This is a girl who would do anything for me and now she says it feels hard for her to do it. Says it even feels hard to take tit pics for me. The sad part is I know I fucked it up for the most part, being gone for extended durations and neglecting most of my duties in the LTR. I can tell that she’s mentally and emotionally gone.

We decided to give it another shot but things just got worse. She took me out for lunch for my birthday on Monday and I saw texts from a guy on her phone. It’s someone she needs to help her get into her career and I had told her it’s okay as long as everything stays professional. Dude has been hitting on her, basically just one sided texts but it still looks bad. Calling her babe (she replied to address her by her name), updating her about his day even when she doesn’t reply and pressing her on meeting up. I got pretty pissed about it because she should have cut that shit out the moment he started being inappropriate. She said she thought she was handling it right since she wasn’t engaging, till he served his purpose in her career. She said she could block him if it was bothering me but I felt the damage had already been done. I felt super disgusted and couldn’t even let her touch me. Went drinking with my friends and haven’t communicated with her since then.

I know what I need to do but it doesn’t feel easy. I don’t even think it’s so much about her, but the fact that I let this kind of shit sneak up on me. My ego is hurt terribly. I feel like I need to get another girl asap to help get through this quicker but all I’m finding is hoes (got lots of those, I fucked at least 80 bitches while in the LTR). Doesn’t make it any better that I’m dealing with financial and legal issues atm.