We've been fucking for months and just stopped. She's already told me she's loved me, but we're stopping the intimacy for reasons. She was excited at possibly something more serious, but stopping was my idea and met with a painful mutual understanding.
Now I have to play this round out. Still strong feelings, we went to a concert last night and got touchy again, someone took our picture. She and I are still super close and are tryna work through all this atm.
She's not a poster on social media (so she hasn't posted first). Given the context, would it be beta / weak for me to post a picture of us in front of a view at the concert on social media? (she's leaning into me).
I know this is an obvious answer if we're dating, but she and I aren't. We're just exploring friendship rn despite our strong mutual love. It really was a great night, and the pictures rock. It's a good memory for me. What do you think?
MyBoyJob 2d ago
I’d say post it, but with no tags and no information on who she is. This should stir up curiosity in your social media circles, maybe hotter girls will be wondering who that girl is, and why she is with you instead of them.
First-light 1w ago
For some reason I got a notification of your deleted reply. I couldn't help but want to reply. Without going into the detail of the deleted reply, I think she is being very selfish. Its you dam finals week and she calls you up to make you visit her and tease you. She is being selfish. She is enjoying you.
I have no idea what is behind her behaviour but you should be revising like a monk. If a monk needs some sexual relief he gets it over with quickly not this shit where he travels and gets nothing but wound up. There are too many possibilities to speculate but you can be pretty sure that if you hang back and wait to see, it will all become apparent.
Meantime, good luck with your finals. Put her out of your head now till you are done (or try to). God knows women can ruin things.
When a woman is luke warm, is one time when actually its really good to back off and stop doing the driving. You need to know what she is actually thinking and she will show you if you let her but if you keep directing her it gets so much more complicated as you get tied in knots of what was your impetus, her will, her compliance and her push back to your impetus. All you need to know is what you have.
User4566 1w ago
I’d say that’s good pre-selection.
financehardo420 1w ago
In short… yes
[deleted] 1w ago
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
Thinking she genuinely loves you after a few months is beta, if not blue pilled.
It's also too invested to care about s social media photo. She's giving you preselection and you're here over thinking it while also having wool over your eyes
Not trying to sound like a dick but you have an extreme degree of naivety here and you're going to end up extremely red pilled after you see her true nature at some point
imtranscending 1w ago
Got this based off her actions, her confessions of love, seeing it in her eyes. Not certain about the "genuine" part, nor am I sure of what you mean.
I see this now, yeah. The overthink is coming back.
Naivety, probably. It could play out like you're saying. If that's the case, then getting red pilled wouldn't be such a bad thing. Implying she has a true nature (don't think you mean hypergamy) means concealment. We shall see.
[deleted] 1w ago
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First-light 1w ago
Its not the photo that's the big Beta issue here. Its taking her out and calling her a friend. What else are you doing for her?
Take a hard look at this -is benefit flowing to her? Is she getting much of the benefit of being your girlfriend while you are becoming an orbiter with no real benefit except getting to spend time with her?
I appreciate that you want to win her back but its pretty much impossible without a break of some duration and a re-set. She has decided she does not want to bang, you are still in love with her. That is why you are doing all this for and with her. You still get a good feeling from being with her but what does she bring you beyond this feeling that will be transitory?
There is a danger of becoming an orbiter. In such a situation I would be tempted to say "look I still have strong feelings for you, trying to be friends doesn't work for me. I am enjoying being with you because I want to be more than a friend. I am still in love with you. You are not leading me on but my heart is leading me on. I need to break from this till my head clears and then we can see what is what." This also gives her the chance to reflect on what she has lost.
Both of you might find other people, you might get back together but you can't get back together by becoming an orbiter. The best an orbiter can hope for is an occasonal bit of reward sex, drunk sex or sex when she is feeling hopelessly alone. You deserve better. Stopping seeing her will be like coming off a drug. It hurts, finding distraction by throwing yourself into the rest of life is a good idea. The pain also passes and then you are free.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
I think by "stopped having sex" that op meant they had just fucked for the night. I think it was just poorly worded
Edit: i probably misinterpreted what you typed
imtranscending 1w ago
Nothing. We stopped sex less than a few days ago and are trying out friendship. She took ME out to a concert with free tickets. We got touchy and ended up making out, but she pulled back at the end. We've done so well because we've had many open conversations. But I see your point. I'm closely monitoring my investment now that we're no longer smashing.
She's not my girlfriend. But yeah, I'm monitoring my investment now. I all of a sudden can't become more available since sex is gone. I kind of just wish I followed through on making her my gf at the time, but I wasn't sure if I wanted that or plate spinning. I wasn't completely in love yet. I spun plates to get her, she's a product of that. Oh well.
Not "win her back." We mutually decided to move on, but fuck.. it's so difficult. She even told me she's sad. I do want what we had back now that it's gone.
It's mutual man. I know war brides, but we're both in love with each other. But still I'm careful to not over invest now. This will also help my heart break free.
I also wonder if her genuine desire has gone down a little. What makes this more complicates is she's like me in nearly every way. We're like best friends and lovers.
Absolutely, I see the writing on the wall.
Spoken like a man. Outcome independent, and honest. I know she's not leading me on, but this is really tough for her too. At the concert she was slowly getting closer, and she bit my thumb (something we do during sex). It's tough for everyone, I may say some version of that at some point.
It's important she feels this too.
Bingo. What was making this so uncertain was we don't know where I'm going for college. We'll find out by May 10th if I'm staying local or going elsewhere. I agree on not falling into orbiter behavior. If she pussy whips her Chad then that'll be unrecoverable.
I know I deserve better in the sense of becoming an orbiter and settling for less than what I've already gotten.
Yes. We vibed right off the bat, she confessed she just wanted to lean into me and be around me more after we first met. Btw she's 32, with a kid, an hb8 and reacted well in my frame. We both only wanted a close FWB (she's 32, I'm 23), but we both fell hard in love. Several women have fallen for me this semester. but she's the only one I've fallen back for, and the first woman I've ever loved.
This was a very insightful comment. Thank you.
First-light 1w ago
Good luck with it all. These things can be very painful as one goes from hope to frustration to resignation and then round again.
Without understanding the reasons for the mutual break up its hard to comment accurately but if its mutual, then I would set yourself on a path for freedom by doing nothing couple like.
There is a rather sad (from men's point of view) situational attractiveness about men for women. If she really likes you but you are not quite right for her future plans or life fit, instead of going with their heart, they usually go with their head -while a man would be loyal to his love and re-arrange his life for it. It can be a job thing or another guy in the frame or they just want better than you can offer. In such cases they tend to feel sorry for you -they really did fall for you and they do enjoy you but they can say no to love and sex in a way men usually can't. This can lead to things like taking you out and getting all touchy, then pulling back.
It can drive a man mad. She thinks she is being kind to you but actually she is being unkind and selfish because she enjoys your company. You, however, get all fired up and then have to go off frustrated and cool off, all the while thinking "I wonder if I did something different if we would have banged" Maybe you would have but you would never fix that problem of not being quite what she wants and the misery would continue as you gently shifted into orbit. I had one woman try this with me, even to the point of telling me that her friend would like to sleep with me and could she pass me to her while we remained friends doing friendly stuff together. This was of no interest to me because I was in love with the first woman. In the end I had to just walk away entirely.
If its a mutual break I would try to avoid anything that is couple like. Its not a question of Beat or Alpha really, its more couple or not and "Just friends" usually inevitably becomes "just orbiter".
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MrSupreme 1w ago
I'm not gonna talk in terms of alpha-beta. But if you are getting a bit too emotionally attached, or maybe feel pressured to feel that way because it has been a few months then its definitely wrong to put those pictures online. Maintain frame, post pictures of you,post pictures of concerts,food, maybe a picture of two drinks talking about being in good company. I don't think you should be posting pics this early into a relationship,wether it is fuck buddies or LTR. Pictures of you in the company of friends and groups are alright.