Hey I've had this girlfriend for a while. We went about 2 years just casual.. without her pressuring me for a title. She finally did the "what are we" and i said it was cool to be in a relationship. Fast forward to now and its probably been another 2 years since that "what are we"
We dont text at all. I find that texting is useless. It makes them lose attraction, you lose mystery, and looks like you have nothing else to do. So we only text when were about to meet up. We only meet 2x a week. I've been in my frame and we dont have disputes much at all. It's been pretty smooth sailing.
She got laid off from her job a couple months back. Shes been to a couple of these "networking events." I know its not a lie, I see all the business cards. And maybe thats fine, but i think that was the start of suspicions...Lately idk if im being paranoid but it looks like when i walk over to her while shes on her phone, she gets a little more guarded. Then just this weekend (we usually meet up on saturdays) she said "Im doing a girls weekend are you free sunday instead?"
I put it off and finally meet up with her on wednesday. She didnt say anything about this girls trip. I had to bring it up. I said how was it? She says oh it was cool we stayed over in nyc (were about an hour out) from friday-sunday and we went to a lot of bars and stuff. We were getting numbers from bartenders to give to my single friend.
idk if im overreacting but when I heard that, I didnt like that. Also idk if i heard right, but she might have said "hot bartenders"...i just hesitated when she said that and paused..she quickly tried to phrase it differently and act like it was a different scenario. I just feel like when the vibe is like that, shes going to participate with all that thotness too.
What do you think I should do? Do you think Im overreacting at all?
Testme 1w ago
You are turning into the backup plan if it is twice a week and she is going out on Fridays and Saturdays without you. What the hell do you think she is doing? Answer: looking for a guy better than you.
You should recalibrate and focus on your career and figure who the fuck you think you are. Until you do that, women are not going to find you attractive.
t7716 1w ago
I want it to be twice a week
I am focused on my own thing.
coolsocks00 1 2w ago
This is what happens when your frame is all about indifference and no control.
To put it this way: when you are seeing a girl long term, you are invested by definition. Not leveraging and having some control of that investment is a bad idea.
You feel like she’s crossed a boundary. One that you havent communicated to her, perhaps one that you may not have known you even had.
Men are somewhat biologically hard wired to mate guard for reproductive success. Using RP strategy you can control that need so it doesnt come from a place of neediness and scarcity, but rather is done in a way that serves the interest of you and ultimately the relationship.
Relevant read: https://www.trp.red/p/humansockpuppet/754
t7716 2w ago
copying and pasting to show you guys an update
Ok so I saw here yesterday heres what happened
we go out to dinner and im just acting myself
we come back to my place, she goes on her phone, and puts it away quickly when i walk over to her
i just said "youre being a little sketchy with your phone" i just left it at that and didnt explain i wanted her to do the talking
she says oh it was just my mom and sister i wanted to just give you my full attention...i then just stayed silent
after about 15 seconds she says without me ever saying anything "you could go through my phone if you want i dont care if you do" not with an attitude just saying it
and i thought to myself, she doesnt believe ill do it. So i just put out my hand. She hands it over
At this point im not even looking at the phone im just looking at her body language. Seemed normal, I didnt even wanna go through it so i just handed it back
Fast forward to this morning I said what are you doing today? She says oh im going to brooklyn my friend (other friend I know) just moved there. Thats where she just was this weekend for the "girls weekend" so that was weird to me. I just said oh everyone is moving to brooklyn huh?
Hamza99 2w ago
She's playing the field.
Don't doubt yourself.
Demote to plate.
t7716 2w ago
copying and pasting to show you guys an update
Ok so I saw here yesterday heres what happened
we go out to dinner and im just acting myself
we come back to my place, she goes on her phone, and puts it away quickly when i walk over to her
i just said "youre being a little sketchy with your phone" i just left it at that and didnt explain i wanted her to do the talking
she says oh it was just my mom and sister i wanted to just give you my full attention...i then just stayed silent
after about 15 seconds she says without me ever saying anything "you could go through my phone if you want i dont care if you do" not with an attitude just saying it
and i thought to myself, she doesnt believe ill do it. So i just put out my hand. She hands it over
At this point im not even looking at the phone im just looking at her body language. Seemed normal, I didnt even wanna go through it so i just handed it back
Fast forward to this morning I said what are you doing today? She says oh im going to brooklyn my friend (other friend I know) just moved there. Thats where she just was this weekend for the "girls weekend" so that was weird to me. I just said oh everyone is moving to brooklyn huh?
t7716 2w ago
im not saying youre wrong. believe me im not one that thinks "my girl would never"
but what makes you say that? Anything in particular?
ExConvictNowMillionaire 2w ago
Because women are opportunistic and she's already displaying availability to other men by going to bars/clubs/parties. When in doubt just check her phone. If she doesn't want to give her phone - you're certain she's hiding something & that's enough reason to move on
Ps. This is why I personally don't allow girl trips or them going partying in general.
t7716 2w ago
Yeah I thought about checking her phone
I never did that before. How would I go about it?
Didn’t want it to come across as “insecure” or whatever
No-Stress-Cat 2w ago
Me: Babe, let me borrow your phone.
Her: "Why?"
Me: Because you have nothing to hide. Now, let me borrow your phone.
t7716 2w ago
Ok so I saw here yesterday heres what happened
we go out to dinner and im just acting myself
we come back to my place, she goes on her phone, and puts it away quickly when i walk over to her
i just said "youre being a little sketchy with your phone" i just left it at that and didnt explain i wanted her to do the talking
she says oh it was just my mom and sister i wanted to just give you my full attention...i then just stayed silent
after about 15 seconds she says without me ever saying anything "you could go through my phone if you want i dont care if you do" not with an attitude just saying it
and i thought to myself, she doesnt believe ill do it. So i just put out my hand. She hands it over
At this point im not even looking at the phone im just looking at her body language. Seemed normal, I didnt even wanna go through it so i just handed it back
Fast forward to this morning I said what are you doing today? She says oh im going to brooklyn my friend (other friend I know) just moved there. Thats where she just was this weekend for the "girls weekend" so that was weird to me. I just said oh everyone is moving to brooklyn huh?
No-Stress-Cat 2w ago
You're playing your cards right. Keep the mystery going. Let her get paranoid. "Does he suspect something?" If she's doing something behind your back, she'll out herself eventually. If she's still just acting normal, there's probably nothing to be concerned about. But, until YOU are satisfied everything is okay, keep doing what you're doing.
t7716 2w ago
Yeah I haven’t shown her that I’m suspicious of anything so it would be good to catch her off guard
I’m probably seeing her tomorrow. I was thinking of acting like everything is fine then saying let me see your phone right quick..why..
Here I was a little confused on how to answer this. Should I play like I really do need to use her phone for something or make it flat out like I’m checking it
coolsocks00 1 2w ago
Everything is fine, because you @t7716 are good however this turns out.
Neither. You’re interested and she’ll let you if she’s got nothing to hide and trusts you.
Lone_Ranger 1 2w ago
Would really help if you would give background to your life stage: ages of your both, career stage etc.
It sounds like you had a plate for 2 years, then you upgraded this to 'relationship' in word only. So, you carried on with a relationship for 2 years that was exactly like a plate arrangement, except for what was spoken.
Nothing wrong with that per se, BUT, it does sound like an arrangment that wasn't going anywhere. (this is why I asked about age and life stage). Relatonships have to evolve in order to be viable. It sounds like yours has not evolved at all (just seeing each other 2x per week etc)
Again -nothing wrong with that if that is what you want. But... she is a woman with a ticking biological clock, she is going to have to make moves if she is to get an LTR that can result in family.
Her telling you about exchanging numbers with bartenders is just her provoking you to step up - to shit or get off the potty.
There is a reason why they say 'all plates break in the end'.
You need to figure out what you want. In this order:
it really is that simple.
t7716 2w ago
copying and pasting to show you guys an update
Ok so I saw here yesterday heres what happened
we go out to dinner and im just acting myself
we come back to my place, she goes on her phone, and puts it away quickly when i walk over to her
i just said "youre being a little sketchy with your phone" i just left it at that and didnt explain i wanted her to do the talking
she says oh it was just my mom and sister i wanted to just give you my full attention...i then just stayed silent
after about 15 seconds she says without me ever saying anything "you could go through my phone if you want i dont care if you do" not with an attitude just saying it
and i thought to myself, she doesnt believe ill do it. So i just put out my hand. She hands it over
At this point im not even looking at the phone im just looking at her body language. Seemed normal, I didnt even wanna go through it so i just handed it back
Fast forward to this morning I said what are you doing today? She says oh im going to brooklyn my friend (other friend I know) just moved there. Thats where she just was this weekend for the "girls weekend" so that was weird to me. I just said oh everyone is moving to brooklyn huh?
t7716 2w ago
im 32 shes 31
she didnt say she got numbers from bartenders for herself she said she was getting them for her single friend
Victor 2w ago
Ask yourself why you are in this relationship
Then depending on that answer you have 2 options
1.) Treat the relationship as seriously as she treats it. If she goes on girls trips without even telling you plans, you are free to do the same.
How's the dread game?
2.) Break up
Don't over complicate it
t7716 2w ago
copying and pasting to show you guys an update
Ok so I saw here yesterday heres what happened
we go out to dinner and im just acting myself
we come back to my place, she goes on her phone, and puts it away quickly when i walk over to her
i just said "youre being a little sketchy with your phone" i just left it at that and didnt explain i wanted her to do the talking
she says oh it was just my mom and sister i wanted to just give you my full attention...i then just stayed silent
after about 15 seconds she says without me ever saying anything "you could go through my phone if you want i dont care if you do" not with an attitude just saying it
and i thought to myself, she doesnt believe ill do it. So i just put out my hand. She hands it over
At this point im not even looking at the phone im just looking at her body language. Seemed normal, I didnt even wanna go through it so i just handed it back
Fast forward to this morning I said what are you doing today? She says oh im going to brooklyn my friend (other friend I know) just moved there. Thats where she just was this weekend for the "girls weekend" so that was weird to me. I just said oh everyone is moving to brooklyn huh?
Victor 2w ago
Or option 3 like lone ranger has said.
If you truly love her and enjoy each other and you trust her, step it up
Victor 2w ago
Just bang her mom
No-Stress-Cat 2w ago
Dude, what the fuck? lol