Its apparent I have seemed to broken my fwb relationship when she asked if i was seeing other girls last time she came to my house. I told her "sometimes" because it was true and also because we were not exclusive. She told me she was seeing no one. She even found tampons in my closet from another plate. She didnt say anything because she couldnt but i could tell she did not like that. I also know Im not the only one shes seeing, but it was smart of her to lie about that, and im wondering if i shouldve done the same.
I tried to go exclusive shortly after and she blocked me and deleted me. She was clearly butthurt and jealous. Even though i did nothing wrong. The plate is officially broken and im at this point trying to learn from my mistakes now. She even told me shes been cheated on by a lot of her ex boyfriends, which is one reason why i think she wants a guy whos 'all about her'. And not another potentially- promiscuous type like I showed her I was. In reality I wanted to be exclusive, drop the other girls, and NOT cheat on her, but I never got the chance to show her that. I failed the pre-screening.
As a redpiller, I have learned that women love men with rotations and rosters. It shows high value and preselection and the right amount of dread. In the past I have had fwb's wanna go exclusive with me AFTER finding out there were other girls. It must have triggered them emotionally.
But this one was opposite. Had I told her I was not seeing other girls, would be pathetic. She would think she would have me by the balls and basically my exclusivity would hold no real value, if im already 'semi-exclusive' by default. But maybe i would have been able to retain her as a fwb and advanced into a relationship. Im also not a girl though, so maybe hearing that is what they exactly need to hear to get their hopes up and relationship tingles brewing even if they dont believe it. Its like when a girl says youre the best sex of her life, we may not believe it but its exactly what she needed to say for us to feel like we have her on lock.
Im not sure where to go from here. I did some research and basically players tell women that shes the only one and love bomb them, it seems to work. I also realized that a lot of men generally tell women they want to be serious with that shes the only one (before exclusivity).
Im just wondering, in the future if im in the same scenario, if i wanna be serious with a girl, should I lie and say shes the only one Im seeing? I guess theres context too, like maybe in the beginning you should say youre dating others but after a few months should you tell a girl shes the only one?
I guess in this case its not about SMV, but RMV. If she knows youre attractive and lays the pipe well and masculine frame and leader, but are a "player" and have low Relationship Market Value, she may not want to be in a relationship with you, is that right? She will never feel secure, or safe, which is like 100% of the reason why girls even get into relationships.
Need some advice for the future.
pancakesforbreakfast 3mo ago
When a girl wants to lock you down, it will be clear. She'll text you all the time, give you hour-long blowjobs, tell you stuff like "I wish you can just lay on top of me forever", and basically give you her soul in any other type of way. She knows you're seeing other girls and is trying to separate herself from the competition for your time. Sounds like this girl wasn't as serious about you as you think.
Hondurak 3mo ago
She asked if i was seeing other girls, thats like 99% code word for: 'lets be exclusive' , its never just a question. They ask when they are gaining lots of feelings, jealous, or generally reaching the tipping point of advancing or ending the relationship. In my case, it ended. When a girl doesnt care, she wont ask.
I think she was serious, I just fucked it up. Because as you said "She knows youre seeing other girls" by default. I was an idiot and told her I was and she saw evidence in my room. Theres a big difference between showing them youre seeing other girls (very negative and toxic) and her just assuming theres always another girl (never discussed). I fucked that up.
In my case it was clear, she dropped the L word, gets jealous, initiates blowjobs, we even went raw and i hate to admit let me cum inside her without BC, as well as met her brother and sisters. Even cried in the past when she found out i was seeing another girl. These are all pretty intense emotions for what should only be a FWB
pancakesforbreakfast 3mo ago
I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about at this point. The answer to your question is No. I agree with Vermillion-Rx that you have an illogical frame
Hondurak 3mo ago
The point im making is she could have wanted to be exclusive but it doesnt mean its in the bag. A girl finding out theres another girl is a pretty big deal breaker for relationships. Thats all my point is. The high interest was there.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
You're in her frame. Caring what she thinks about you dating other chicks.
Usually you handle that conversation by saying yes but indicating subtly that she's at the top if you actually wants relationship with her. You should also handle her saying "I love you" better. You basically fucked up all over the place
There are nuanced ways to handle these things, and retconning all of your actions to say "i shouldn't have seen other girls cause dealbreaker to her" is the wrong attitude. For all you know she could have been seeing 2 guys. You can't be all "ah man that could have been a dealbreaker"
You're in her frame, stop being a bitch and instead of doubting how you dated should instead introspect on why you fail at providing adequate rapport and comfort
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
I haven't read this yet in full because it's a oneitis cognitive fallacy post
Your binary, black-and-white thinking is a huge part of why these things keep happening to you.
If I do A then B will happen, but if I do X then why Y will happen.
That's not how intersexual dynamics work at all. The problem is you made probably months worth of mistakes with binary thinking, and never applied any real nuance to major things you did. You probably either over or under did a lot of things because you couldn't apply appropriate nuance to major points of this relationship. It's not any one thing, it was most likely a consistent pattern of mistakes driven by binary solutions
I still think you really don't understand TRP as intended and still have Red Pill on an empty stomach syndrome and just cannot parse out the nuance of what RP theory is about
Edit: finally read the full post and none of my answer is different upon reading it
Hondurak 3mo ago
I fucked her good, incorporating Sex God and BDSM leashes and collars etc, never showed weakness like crying or venting or jealousy, good vibes, wasnt available all the time, I leaded on dates and logistics from the beginning, no mistakes on my end. She initiated every "I miss you" "I love you" etc. I reciprocated the golden 2/3 times ratio. She even initiated the "Are you seeing other girls"
Everything got fucked up when she said she loved me. Thats when I didnt reciprocate back, because I believe thats a strong emotion to toss around. Ever since that moment she became flakier, and i was able to clear things up and explain to her later that I did like her very much but didnt love her (yet) and she understood.
She got flaky though after that and thats when i started dating this other girl openly (my second mistake). She saw the IG stories got jealous I guess. And thats why she asked if i "have been with" other girls the next time i saw her. Thats how it progressed. I only did that because she got a bit flaky and i was frustrated because she dropped the L word and there was a bunch of weird inconsistency and i felt vulnerable for saying it back when she was the one who initiated it.
I saw it as a red flag for her weird behavior afterwards. I didnt break any rules, she said it first and by the time i reciprocated it was along the golden 2/3 ratio. Game was tight. But i realized then she had some weird emotional/intimacy issue based off her reaction because normal girls would take it in stride. But i excused it because i did semi-fuck it up and maybe she thought i didnt mean it, so i still kept the door open to potential LTR.
Thats when we met up later and she asked me if i was seeing others, and you told me i failed the final comfort test. I understand now, thats why i made this post. Just wondering how to fix this in the future..
Problematic_Browser 1 3mo ago
Definitely RP on an empty stomach.
imtranscending 3mo ago
This is a reoccurring problem. Issue is OP generally did the right things to attract the girl. (Alpha and leading type behavior).
But as the relationship furthers along, it takes different shape. Keeping women around is a little different.
@Hondurak you can’t expect to keep girls around long term while only exhibiting short-term behavior.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
Jesus Christ man, you've hung onto that singular line ever since I typed it. I guess I need to type more nuanced for guys who will sperg for weeks on singular lines I said. That was ONE thing you fucked up on. ONE. By then the damage was done
Okay great you did all the plate stuff right in your first paragraph. Cool. But then you bungled anything having to do with rapport/relationship potential. You can't perma plate women you want to LTR. Congrats for being a plate god but the amount of nuance you apply for relationships is limited
Stop saying "final comfort test" Jesus Christ man some times i seriously regret commenting shit on guys posts
imtranscending 3mo ago
Women aren’t pre-programmed robots.
Dude was just too alpha alpha without much comfort for the girl to cling to.
The nuance is in the middle, not on either extreme. Maybe they too will get it one day VRX.
ObliviousDuck 3mo ago
More than 36 mentions of "she" and "her" in 33 sentences. All you do is talk about Her and what She's doing.
You think you are acting all manly and alpha, but everything you're doing is based on how she will react. This needs reiterating, you are a dancing monkey
Lone_Ranger 1 3mo ago
This. OP basically has no frame at all - its all about her.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
Upvoted you back to 1 because you're right
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Seems to me like the type of girl who needs to have some sort of leverage over her partner, like doing dread game on you or trying to shame you for having options
Hondurak 3mo ago
Yeah possibly shes the type of girl who doesnt want a "hot" boyfriend because shell feel insecure. She probably wants someone she feels more superior than so she feels more secure, idk.
Lone_Ranger 1 3mo ago
You're deluded man. Women don't work that way. Average and below average chicks want, demand and think that they deserve the top 0.0001% of men.
Honestly, you are not listening to what they are saying. Modern young women, pudgy fat dough faced nobody 4s think that they 'deserve' Chris Pine. They are not joking. They all think that their prince is around the corner.
This is why romance fraud is the number 1 fraud - women never stop and think 'Hey, if this guys is so hot, why is he interested in me?'
This myth (that women don't want a boyfriend that is too hot) is the number 1 cope that I hear on this forum from guys. They think it didn't work out with chicks because they are too hot.
First-light 3mo ago
Every girl is different and playing girls by numbers does not always work. There are broad female behaviour traits and females are attracted to strength and will often compete for quality men but they also seek exclusivity and comfort. Some girls have bad past experiences with players are run.
The truth is girls are attracted to men who display many of the traits of players but players make them feel insecure. Very few players plates are ever converted to LTRs because the girls do no like being played. They may respond to it in the way you want for a time but rarely for longer than the period of infatuation lasts. Game will get you into girls pants but staying there is more about how you relate to the individual. Game covers your weaknesses, time reveals them. You can hold anything you like in the frame but she will see the whole picture of you.
When you say you were putting her on a leash and such did you step back and consider if she actually liked it? Was she liking it because you liked it and she wanted to please you or had she done it with past boyfriends and was begging for you to do it too? Just because you can bend a girl's comfort zone does not mean you should. It becomes a shit test that you place on her. You are testing "what will you submit to for me?" Some girls love kinky stuff. I have encountered them but most don't like it much. Just because you can shit test does not mean you should. If you play her enough she will get sick of being played.
whytehorse2021 3mo ago
It could be that she has an attachment disorder. An attachment disorder is a behavioral condition that affects a child's ability to form healthy emotional attachments with caregivers. These disorders typically develop in early childhood due to inconsistent or unavailable caregiving.
Here are some key points about attachment disorders:
Here are some resources for further reading:
To answer your question, pre-selection is only used when women choose a mate. After that it's called dread. There is passive dread and active dread. Dread comes from you being the guy that other guys want to be and other girls want to fuck.
The active dread comes from you spinning plates. Once you go exclusive you have passive dread which is basically other women checking you out. In other words, you have options and she knows it so she stays on her best behaviour.