Hello, I'm a little desperate and hope that some men with more experience will give me some ideas of actions. I go for years to social dancing, but I'm unable to take actions for dates after dancing with a woman.
About me:
- I'm tall, always elegant, and if I can say a good dancer
- But I'm not muscular, not really beautiful, not young and very timid in my heart
About my social life :
- I'm alone for years, despicte my regular dancing activities
- I prefer books to social events :D
- I make some photos sometimes but do not take time to have an instagram or a true website
- I do not know how to make small talk or game in general
About the context:
- Women are here to dance with men, so they have no problem to be approached to be invited
- But because they are here to dance, I feel that they want to dance, not really talk (with me) or meet
- There are other men ready to "jump" on them when I finish dancing
- I also go to dancing lessons, but here I'm very prudent because I do not want to be a creep in the little group
About my actions:
- When dancing I make some conversation
- I joke about the music, the atmosphere
- I compliment her on her outfit (I know it is not a good tactic but these is how I feel)
- It is not rare that I make her laugh
After the dancing:
- If I feel confident I invite here for a second dance (not always)
- I do not know what to say, and I have no time because there is always another man to invite her
- A lot of time I do not see here again because she is dancing all the event with different men
What I have tried last time:
- To take some contact to "take time to talk" -> a woman connected me on her facebook but did not confirm after...
- To propose to make some photos when her dress is really beautiful -> the woman seems to think it is weird --> I feel asking for some contacts make me awkward and needy, and I just do not know how to interest her
Possible actions I can force myself to
- After one dancing, always invite to another
- After the two dances, ask for an instagram, so she have no action after to validate me like on facebook
- instead of inviting women I see, sit next women not dancing to talk to her -> but the risk is someone come and invite her !
Possible long-term actions
- Create an instagram and publish photos of these events, to be more visible in these community
- Ask people to make photos of me dancing with women, to have social proof at least
Perhaps it is not the good context, and I should just use social dancing to make photos and have social proof. Last time I was talking with a male friend which is beautiful (young, perfect skin, elegant...), and a young girl interrupted us to ask him to dance, ignoring the fact that I was talking with him and ignoring me. So like everywhere, a few men have all the attention.
But it is very frustrating at the end, to make dance and sometimes smile all these women and feeling alone.
Thank you in advance
idontdesireusername 1mo ago
you must LEAD them in dance. use cologne (not too much). and game them during dance => eye contact is huge. then some confidence and you are good. and, don't game them from beginning, you must be seen as guy who really like to dance (and is not here to pickup)
dreamer 1mo ago
Thank you. Yes, Ihave no problem to lead in dancing. It is a good point with the regard When dancing, do you talk to them or just eye contact? So how do you game them ? Because after the dance ends they disappear with other guys who invite them :)
whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Don't forget to dip them and look deep into their eyes. Gets my wife all wet every time.
dreamer 1mo ago
That's a good movement!
Testme 1mo ago
Normally the right approach in these situations is to flirt. It is very important not to do "friendy" things like talk about work or daily life or other mundane subjects. If the flirting is returned, the best option is to proposition her then and there. The type of proposition depends completely on the person and situation. For example, you might say "Would you like to have an affair with me?" If she says, "Yes", then you have your answer. More likely she will say something ambiguous, like, "Perhaps" but that is just as good as a "Yes". If she acts suprised and says, "No" or seems cross then you obviously misread the situation and need to get better at flirting so you know the difference between a girl who is interested and one who is not. If she does say "No", do not lose your cool, she could change her mind later. Just say something like "C'est la vie".
You seem to be self-conscious of your image. You should read more RP books and focus on projecting the right kind of masculine persona. Practice interacting with women in non-dance environments.
dreamer 1mo ago
Thank you.
I agree with the flirt part. So direct talk about her llook, romance of the music… And if she responds well I could propose a date to “take more time together”, so the intend would be clear.
Would you suggest a specific RP book ? I have read The Rationale Male to stop romantize women and work on myself.
I have begun The Art if Seduction, and was thinking in this dancing I could work on a more theatrical style.
But I did not learnt specific technics to flirt.
Well I must say I do not have a lot of occasions to meet women outside of dancing event. it is not easy as adult :)
Testme 1mo ago
I would recommend "Atomic Attraction" and maybe "The Mystery Method". You definitely need to practice more because saying things like "take more time together" sounds just really faggy and beta. Read what I wrote again. Also, don't invite girls on "dates". Dates are what you do with proven LTRs, not women you are seducing.
The Art of Seduction is just way to complicated and long.
What do you mean her "look"? Do not give women compliments. If you are doing that, no wonder you are failing. Seriously, you need to read the books more carefully and study them. Giving compliments is like a beginner's blunder.
dreamer 1mo ago
Thank you, I'm going to study these books.
And try to refrain my romantic tendances !
Testme 1mo ago
Romance is good. Being subordinate, going on "dates" or giving compliments is not.
dreamer 1mo ago
I don't understand about "dates" ? And not giving compliments ?
What is romance for you ?
Testme 1mo ago
You need to read more RP materials so you understand why it is anti-seductive to be going on dates and giving compliments.
For example, two scenarios: (1) you and the girl are in an expensive restaurant surrounded by lots of other people drinking complicated wines and eating big steaks and salads, (2) you are alone with the girl in an alcove at a dance studio, where you can hear all the others but noone can see you. Which of those two scenarios do you think will be more sexually exciting to a girl?
Giving compliments makes you look subordinate, manipulative, too afraid to say what you really want, and puts you in the girl's frame rather than vice versa. Giving a girl a compliment is completely beta and just makes you lower value than her and makes you seem like a faggy simp, not a leader, much less anyone she would want to dominate her.
dreamer 1mo ago
It makes sense. But I find it is hard to have this attitude and it seems to me a little aggressive. I can not in reality imagine how to be so direct.
Testme 1mo ago
That is why you are failing.
dreamer 1mo ago
Yes, I have to work on it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
I'll give a better answer when I have time. Until then, because it didn't address "dates" per se
VRX Social Dance Guide | Part I
dreamer 1mo ago
Thank you, it is what I need!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
You're welcome!
dreamer 1mo ago
It is a great guide. I totally agree with the FAQ.
Could you post a complementary guide for basic game ? Because kino and knowing what to say it not so easy when you are used to just dance :)
I'm thinking I should learn a dance with more potential contacts between partners!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Can you describe basic game so i have an idea of what constitutes as basic game to a reader?
I have had that as a post I've intended to make
dreamer 1mo ago
Of course. I would be happy to read your post !
Well for a man with no experience in the game, it seems like something manipulative, trying to hide his emotions, to calculate every gesture. To always wear a mask. To make the woman feel you are dominant and master everything.
But I know that my romantic and nice attitudes just hurt me, and that women are not pure creatures. So I have to accept it and learn it, to have a better life.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
This is not game. I mean it could be but it's fake. Genuine game is showing that you are a masculine man that goes for what he wants and gets his needs met while having a good time doing it. Game is taking a natural desire and making the chase fun with some degree of intent in your interaction
I'll get to to it at some point
dreamer 1mo ago
I like it !
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
I'll make a post when I can
I have a finished field report with analysis from a dance hall, i just haven't posted it yet in a few weeks. I have some proof-readng to do at my computer
dreamer 1mo ago
Thank you !