I started my redpill journey a few years ago. I've made good progress and changed a lot of things in my life, but I still find myself making some silly mistakes and asking myself "why do I have to learn every single bit of each thing?'' looks like i am fucking alien who doesn't know how to socialize and is trying from zero.
One thing has frustrated me, I feel that with every girl that i have been with, i wasnt ''that guy'', the man that exes says hes an asshole, but would come back to him any minute, the guy that treats them like shit, but they still love him, the guy that they never forget. My relationships with every woman that i have been with don't last more than 6 months or 1 year.
I do everything right from the start, the attraction phase and etc, but when the thing is more established, I always fuck up, not sure what i do wrong. I still struggle to calibrate dread (not doing it at all) and making the tingles going on. I always got the feeling that after some time, maybe around 6 months they start to think that I am boring, calm, relaxed and peaceful. I wanted to be that kinda of guy that they always talk about, but i am not so sure if is just a matter of dread game, making them chase more and doing more kinky things in bed.
I Would apreciate some insight.
whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Why don't you call them and ask them why they left? Then post it here to be deciphered. It probably is because you got ONEITIS and lost frame.
Problematic_Browser 1 1mo ago
thandevil 1mo ago
sounds good.
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
Be super attractive, confident, don't give a fuck, be your own man
Right
Urgh. What is this "do it right"? Why do you care about doing it right?
What happens?
Dread only applies if there is fear of loss.
You sound like you are trying to make it work. Do you understand how that puts all responsibility onto you and opens yourself up to be exploited by a girl who is unafraid to lose you and will negotiate a better deal for herself before getting bored senseless?
What do they say?
Yes,, but you won't be because you're the guy caring so much about them.
Partly
"invest" is what you want, not chasing exactly.
That certainly helps.
Do more, be more sociable, be more adventurous with them, be more socially confident around them and other people. Are you the life and soul of the party?
thandevil 1mo ago
When i say doing it right, i mean being smoothly with initial game and everything else, but when i go into ltr, it goes south after some months. I dont have these problems dealing with plates because i am always a bit distant, but everytime that i got into ltr i fuck up down the road. They dont say it, but i feel it. They kinda get bored with the routine and shit. The last two times I tried LTR it felt like I was repeating the same thing with the same patterns. I kinda know what i did wrong, but its frustrating, having multiple woman is cool, but i wanted to try a ltr with someone that i want to be with, but every time that i try it goes to shit. Some events happend to dry them out, but the last one was something out of my control.
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
why be smooth, who cares?
Are you sure it's you that fucks it up? When in a LTR, most women will start the mindgames, reduced sexual interest and pushing a man towards a situation where he will be transferred resources to her.
LTR's usually ARE shit
Why blame yourself?
My experience is that LTR's last for years, but it's usually me that gets bored.
You've got to find a way to make it clear that she has to perform or you're gone...... you can't have a rl where she's calling all the shots and getting bored. It's her job to bring a lot to the party, not just yours.
First-light 1mo ago
Two features usually stand out about that guy. His SMV was considerably higher than hers -so if you are already getting with women of equal SMV, you may be going to have to work hard to be that guy. He may have been an arsehole but he was charming. I don't think the dread game is the way to do this. Charming Chad may not have had too much time for the lower SMV girl but he didn't try to manipulate her, he just charmed her and enjoyed her when he had time.
I think there is a risk that manipulating her both to do kinky stuff in bed and manipulating her emotional responses are trying to copy the symptom of being that guy not the cause. The symptom is that she does these things because the cause is that she is hooked on him and loves everything he loves, is afraid of not getting enough of his attention. So how do you make that cause happen -make her feel great when you are around. Be great in bed for her first before doing all the kinky stuff. Then sure get on with your life because you are a high SMV guy who lights her up, so why would you worry simping.
Durek_The_Bald 1mo ago
You're very much in women's frame, and everything you want is basically just good old validation for your ego. It's just another version of jumping through hoops over something you think women want.
You're actually more pathetic than the typical blue pill simp. Because he at least wants for something valuable to come out at the other end: a good girl, wife, kids, white picket fence, happily ever after etc. So within his misguided world view, and with what he thinks he's going to get out of it, it at least makes a modum of sense for him to enter women's frame.
You don't even think you're going to get that. You just want to be the guy your exes say was "an asshole". And for what? For nothing but pure, unadulterated, validation seeking ego preservation. And that's frankly quite sad. You don't stand a chance at any worthwhile relation to the opposite sex if you're going to have that much of a fragile, needy ego.
That's more often than not a lie. You're buying into women's ego preserving, post hoc rationalisation hamster. "He was an asshole" usually just means he did his own thing, or wasn't that into her, or eventually broke up with her, or didn't ask for permission for everything in his life, or didn't apologise every time she was being a child.
This is you adopting and internalising women's shaming language towards free-thinking, free-feeling men. Why? Because you're that much within their frame. Their reality is your reality. You so much want the validation that you're willing to jump through these hoops.
I could go on, but I'll leave it there. You're way of course with this nonsense. All the red pill has done for you so far, except for a bit of physical self improvement, is to send your mind even deeper within somebody else's frame.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
I was going to answer OP but Durek has given the perfect answer.
OP is totally plugged in to the female frame. Wants to change his whole persona in order to be the guy that the girl he leaves still talks about.
He will never be that guy. Never. Because 'the asshole' that these woman are talking about are men that don't care what women think. And OP only seems to care what women think of him. OP clearly has no identity outside of womens opinions.
He is a shadow of a man. A half man, living a life orientated only at getting validation from worthless sluts.
Intrepid_Place53900 1mo ago
Exactly,
he was an asshole
typically means, he wouldn't put up with my shit, wouldn't commit to me, didn't treat me like a princess
Hamza99 1mo ago
Had boundaries, had self respect, had an abundant mindset
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
Some good points here, but disagree with some of your criticism especially third paragraph. It’s like you’re putting words in his mouth and making a straw man out of it, or im not reading what you are.
This is the core of his post imo. He wants to improve beyond this and is asking for insight. Is this about his ego, or could it be that he simply wants to be able to keep women around?
Generally you have to look outward to learn. That doesnt mean you’re in their frame. We all jump through hoops sometimes, it’s just a matter of drawing a line. Trying and failing in this aspect is part of the journey.
I read most of your comment as a long form version of «just be yourself bro».
thandevil 1mo ago
Yes, i want to keep them around and not be the guy who dryes them or that they consider beta after things with them end. I dont have these problems dealing with plates, but last times that i tried LTR it followed the same patterns and i think that the reason that theyre leaving its because i am not acting like ''that guy''.
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
Everybody's already pointed out the pitfalls of falling into the girl's frame, which is likely much of what you're doing wrong. You get invested then either dont know or cant yet congruently incorporate good game into your FWB/LTR situation.
Keeping an abundance mentality, having great sex, not seeing the chick too often/whenever she wants, good frame control; all of this is important. From some of your comments you also make yourself sound kinda boring. Im not telling you to change for women's sake - focus on yourself - but keep in mind that women see things and make value judgments of how your situation will look down the road, based on those observations.
EurasianChad 1 1mo ago
Your character develops as you continue bro. You need to be willing to fail and embarrass yourself to change yourself into a full blown Chad.
Who cares what they think. End of the day, people only care about you in the currentt moment. Your past becomes irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Were all gonna die so make your life a daring adventure.
Intrepid_Place53900 1mo ago
I"m not sure why you care about this. Too much ego?
Are women leaving you that you wanted to stay? I'm not getting that from this. I'm getting that they eventually leave you and you are upset that they could actually do that. Like these little mistakes you mention, like what ?
Most women will walk away at some point. If they wanted more and you aren't giving it. If they find out you don't have the same goals, aren't compatible ,etc. If they think they can do better,etc.
Yes, most young girls want excitement, drama. Go let them find that , it's just another excuse to go looking for more guys, gee I can do better. go let them, they'll eventually get tired of the CC. Let some other guy deal with them. This is very common by the way with young women especially. They don't know what they want, always looking for better,etc. They aren't ready to "settle" yet. They haven't figured out that they can get "better" guys to play with them, but they won't stay.
Why do you think it's you fucking up? Think about it, I bet you'll realize you didn't "change" or mess up, they did.
Are you happy with yourself, should be what you are focused on. Happy with your career, your life in general, your goals.
Women are just an add on. Do they add value to your life. If they add drama, that's a huge negative to me.
But yes, your woman should want to make you happy and want to satisfy your sexual needs. If she doesn't, move on.
Testme 1mo ago
You are focusing on superficialities. Leaving a bra on the floor in a closet to "generate dread" and stuff like that is just a gimick, not real value.
As First-Light wrote, what excites women is real value and real mental strength, not gimicks.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
the correct answer is ...
"Who cares what excites women? I don't care and I am certainly not living my life in order to make women's lives exciting"
Ironically, that is what excites women. Women like men that don't give a shit about women. Giving a shit about what women think makes you repulsive to women.
Testme 1mo ago
Uh, first of all what Red Pill is all about is what and how women think. Entire books written about what women are thinking and how they evaluate men. So, don't pretend you don't care what women think, because if you are reading entire books and long blogs and forum posts about how women think, then obviously you care about what they think.
Secondly, as I wrote, women are attracted to value. A low-value man that "doesn't give a shit about women" will not be attractive. In fact, when a low-value male acts disrespectful or ignores women, that simply makes him less attractive than he already is.
There is a difference between caring what a woman thinks and being dependent on what a woman might be thinking. A man can respect what a woman is thinking without reacting to or depending on her. It is only when the man becomes dependent or reliant on her that the woman is turned off.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
You're dead wrong on two accounts.
Red Pill is not about 'what women think'. It's all about how men can live better lives.
In your second point, you say that 'A low value man that doesn't give a shit about women will not be attractive"
That is patently untrue and you clearly don't understand women. The lowest value trash (criminals) that don't give a shit about women (beat and rape them) have much higher success with women than you do. Women are attracted to men that don't care about them.
They say they want men that are 'respectful' and 'gentlemanly' but what they really mean is that they want their resources. What they don't do is suck of those men in the bathrooms of the nightclubs 30 seconds after meeting them. They dont' spread their legs for some unprotected sex in the backseat of the stolen car for guys that 'really love them'.
Testme 1mo ago
You do not understand value. Being a criminal does not make a man low value.
Red pill is about being realistic about how women think and view men. That's why is it called Red Pill, because it is about seeing the world the way it really is when it comes to women, not the fantasy world that promotes a "Disney" view of the way women are (blue pill). For example, the recently published book entitled "Dating After the Red Pill" describes it as: "how to understand women’s actions, behaviors, needs, and wants" right on the cover.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
Tyrone: Drug dealer, thug, criminal record, no money, debts, uneducated, doesn't even have a belt, is an idiot, gold capped tooth, neck tats, vocab of 600 words, never read a single book, refers to himself as a 'nigger', mental age of 11, convictions for battery and sexual assault of women ... women want to have his babies. They will kneel and suck on demand.
That is some very low value man, and women will sleep with him on demand.
If you think red pill is 'about how women think' then we have very different views on what RP is.
Good day to you sir..