Girls who I’ve been with for a while turn to me when something happens in their lives.
Nail broke, mom hates them, dad ripped em a new one, mentally exhausted w college, cat threw up on their rug, etc.
And I don’t know what the appropriate thing to do here is. I have one girl who does this most often, pics of her in tears, followed by voice notes of crying over something in her life.
So far, I just say something like we’ll be out of here in a few months and never worry about this again etc. followed by we’ll go shopping and to a party at a nearby club soon.
But I wonder if I’m being a bit of an emotional tampon here or if I’m acting correctly as a man should when his woman is emotional.
Hoping someone can offer wisdom. Thanks.
whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Sounds like some emotionally unstable people. My wife has never done any of that in the 20+ years I've known her. It's great that they're comfortable sharing and communicating difficulties with you but is the drama really necessary? Are these all drama queens?
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
pics of her in tears = she's fucking mad.
Ok.
On the one hand some amount of emotional support is fair enough. As the strong leader, part of your attraction is being the rock to her emotions.
On the other hand, women love to turn us into emotional tampons and then go and fuck someone who can barely string two words together. It's a game to bait betas into giving her attention and resources and validation.
Learn to understand both dynamics and it becomes a matter of categorising her shit as "reasonable ask for support" or "attention seeking emotional shit that's best ignored". When you know which is which, the path forwards is clear.
The answer to the stupid shit is easy...... just say "that sucks". DO NOT OFFER ANY SUPPORT OR SOLACE. Just acknowledge that it sucks and that's that.
Girl posting herself crying though...... that's insane.
Problematic_Browser 1 1mo ago
Why are you giving a fuck?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
Amused mastery for unserious stuff
Serious responses for actually serious matters
No-Stress-Cat 2mo ago
Her: "I got this problem..."
Me: That sucks. It's not your fault. Now take off your panties.
MrSupreme 2mo ago
She's showing emotion, it can always be an opportunity to game her and get her to bond with you,little by little. Amused Mastery, maybe agree and amplify her problems are useful.
If you judge it is too soon in the relationship for her to be opening herself emotionally then you might be right. communicate to her that you're not her boyfriend or emotional tampon and tell her to talk that stuff with her girlfriends. There's only a little step between her thinking you're an emotional tampon and her disrespecting you and tagging you as a nice guy. You may already be showing nice guy traits and she's seeing it.
Dxmx99 2mo ago
Through my side bar journey this is the best I can come up with:
Her: "My father died 3 years ago and I feel so blah blah"
You: Eye contact, slight Smirk or not(amused), listening and attentive Damn that's crazy. Hey, l listen, I've got tostitos and nice shot glasses back at my place.."
Listen a little, and then keep it real.
Social skills in general for people who you deal with would dictate that you either stop to listen. It makes them feel heard and they'll bond to you a bit more.
First-light 2mo ago
The seriousness of this versus the attention seeking of it varies quite a lot between women and so responses need to be quite individual to the woman and the situation. Definitely don't have a blanket formula for this.
Of course don't respond by offering heaps of treats and bottomless sympathy. This is just rewarding the behaviour. Do not reward negative behaviour. You can reward positive behaviour -like getting a grip on things.
Avoid being contemptuous of things. "Amused mastery" is only a whisker away from contempt and contempt is a relationship killer. You may have to be firm if its going too far but not contemptuous.
Some women are emotional vampires who will just drain you with their tales of inconsequential misery and probably they are best left alone (they are never that good in bed anyway). They certainly need to know enough is enough sometimes and you have to be firm. Some are headcases and they can't stop small problems being big. Telling them to stop won't help but will make it worse. Some of these are worth persevering with as they can be good in bed (perhaps because when something positive gets in their head it can be very positive for them?).
A lot of the time there is no actual solution to being miserable except to cheer up and you have to let her work her way through it while being a source of understanding and positivity but you can't change the weather instantly. You may have to just listen a bit before you can gently try to spin things in a better direction.
Intrepid_Place53900 2mo ago
If they bring up stupid stuff, like my nail broke or the guaranteed, I don't like my haircut. I just change the subject and talk about something else.
I try to keep positive about things, try to keep positive people in your life, around you. Debbie downers are just that.
Oh and if this girl isn't going down on you, get another girl
Testme 2mo ago
Never react to her emotional outbursts, it is anti-seductive. If she can move you off center with this kind of thing, she will lose respect for you. Also, it is a huge blunder to validate insecurities a woman might have, once again very unattractive and anti-seductive. Never validate or reward insecure behavior or expressions. I get the impression a lot of this is happening via text messages. Just to repeat what I have said many times before: ONLY USE TEXT FOR LOGISTICS. Do NOT have emotional conversations via text messages.
Lone_Ranger 1 2mo ago
on the money.
Lone_Ranger 1 2mo ago
Can you just step back for 1 sec and think what about a woman that send you pics of her crying, followed by voice notes of her crying???
She is trying to bed in the 'remote control' function in the relationship. All women do this. They feel the need to establish 'remote control' functionality in their partner, and the moment they do, that is the moment they loose all sexual interest in their partner.
Some examples of remote control over a man :
All women try to do this, usually very early in a relationship. It's up to you to be a man and just nip it in the bud.
I used to keep Parrots. They are fun creatures, but the most annoying thing about parrots is that they bite, and they bite hard. The way to train them is this; when you take them out of their cage, they love it. They are very social, get easily bored, and want to play. Then, as soon as they bite, you put them back in the cage. They soon learn that if they bit, playtime is over. A trained parrot is a happy parrot. They enjoy it when they have learnt not to bite and they respect and obey the owner.
Women are exactly like parrots. They will be miserable if you let them control you.