Theoretical situation.
Visiting FWB. When you arrive, she is having female visitors for meal, that you join.
One of the visitors offends you - enough to warrant an action, but not as blatant as throwing a drink in your face, nor calling you names.
I would assume authority and ask her to leave.
She would reply, that "it is not your place and she won't leave".
FWB want's to avoid taking responsibility for decision and is nonverbally looking up to you to solve it, but it doesn't change fact you're a guest there. What is the best approach?
- They are just friends
- Offending one is work mate
- Offending one is somewhat superior work mate, by experience, providing guidance
- Family member
Testme 1mo ago
In that situation your best option is to ignore it if it something minor. If it is something insulting, then excuse yourself and leave.
In any event, it's a bad idea to allow a woman to be your host.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
This is all wrong. You sound butthurt, weak, vulnerable, fragile. It sounds like you have zero frame.
You said that visitors were female.
How on earth can a female say something that would offend you? That's like saying my dog offended me.
Women can say 'stupid things' but they can't offend you. The correct response is to smile, look her dead in the eyes, and just say
"You're pretty".
And leave it at that.
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
Importantly
'
Sure, I should phrase it "tries to offend you", which in my books [at tipping point] warrants an action.
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
This seems kinda butthurt. Why dont you already have frame control? Is the girl retarded? Anyways, you shouldnt get your ego bruised by someone acting up. Women are like teenagers, dont take them too seriously.
Cool. Cya (keep eating on the way out)
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
Theoretical
I would definitely ask polite, like I usually do. I did in the past, but that was my house.
What do you mean? Women can be random. Frame is mine, shit can be deflected only for so long.
I agree, yet I don't think one should be taking shit just to show how stoic one is. Hence I'm talking about crossing a shit threshold. I don't define where the threshold is, since it is not possible.
IDK man, it sounds like a reaction to a friend being nasty and giving into her frame.
Wouldn't you let the FWB to have a chance to show you who her sympathy is with?
My initial idea was to enjoying myself for few minutes, sipping a tea and let the silence set.
EDIT.second idea was to ask FWB does she want to stay out of it and I will sort it, and ask her to leave to ie spare room [stay within or around premises]
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
Oddly specific for a hypothetical scenario bro.
It's a mistake to assume there's a "best red pilled approach" to a scenario like this. Most of it depends, on what you want from the interaction etc.
After said FWB takes the retard friend's side? Nah. Why would you care about what she thinks? What matters is that you thought it was way out of line.
Why dont you just provide an example of what the girl would say that you think warrant these reactions from you?
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
It's not your house.
FWB is weak.
It's not your house.
Tell bitchy girl that this is unacceptable, and simply walk out.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
This is really a case of does your girl value you or her misbehaving friend more. There isn't anything you can do other having good frame and passing the friends shit tests.
You really can't do much else. Not your friend and not your home. Your FWB should be smart enough to know this but if she's not you can always tell her you don't want to do anymore friend functions and she should get the hint
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
Thanks for replies guys.
Situation described may happen [or may not] and I would like to use this situation to evaluate FWB's sentiments [in case she wants more out of it].
I have never encountered this specific scenario in my life. I was married and more or less king of the house. The most I ever got back then, were small pins and needles from wife's friends I was fucking anyway.
In OP story I have used vague description of disrespect [bordering with nuclear shit test] to get from you guys wider range of responses. I can handle most of the shit but have to take care of my reputation and while I am able to recognise that my limits are crossed, I had to stop and think, what would I do if that would happen then and there.
The only real thing is what @mattyanon said - she is not the strongest. Hence my other ideas I have described in response to @coolsocks00
I understand that you might find this posts incoherent. Yeah I try to visualise stuff as you give me ideas, I have no set outcome in my head.
agree, not my house so I dismiss of going for 'You should leave", but I think I would not trust a woman again if I had to walk out without giving her a chance to take care of it, or let me take care of it.
would you in 100% cases judge woman being silent on, on the border situation as taking a side? If you would, I take your opinion.
I wouldn't care what she thinks. I would care where her sentiment lies to evaluate is hanging out with her would possibly harm my reputation in future.
I have a sensation I should claim "my" territory by giving FWB chance to let me handle it. If she wouldn't let me then [or wouldn't handle herself] I would have clear indication where her sentiment lies.
By just walking out - that I admit is an option - I would leave it in a limbo - creating situation where I would have a snake fiend poisoning the well behind my back.
What I mean here is - I would like to polarise and have a clear view.
True.
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
That wasnt the premise. You wrote:
So you already said your piece and she picked the friend's side. That's that. They've crossed a boundary, now you need to act on it, or it loses it's effect and you lose your value. Man's value is tied to his willingness to walk away.
No, you just do it. You dont ask overtly. If they dont accept that, they certainly wouldnt accept if you asked first haha. Seems you have an old fashioned idea of how to be "the man of the household". Only betas have to enforce their rule.
The thing is, that if a woman does not accept your actions, she's not in your frame. That's what i mean by frame control. You should know what's acceptable within the current frame of the interaction. What passes and what doesn't. Your FWB should have a very good idea of what you will accept and what you wont accept within your frame. This is something you should start establishing from the beginning of any relationship. Frame is not composure, "staying stoic" or whatever. That is just a small portion, a requirement, in order to control frame. If you're the only one "in your frame", then your frame is not an established narrative.
You're looking at this as if your FWB is the prize and you're not.
Options:
The only times i would consider making a scene out of something like this, is if i want to have fun on the friend's expense, and also know my FWB will do what i say. I enjoy power plays as much as anyone, but if you dont understand frame, you risk looking like a sperg.
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
OK , I'm level with you now. Yes you're right, if FWB would say that,
then I wouldn't need any more clarification.
I wasn't clear in OP >>> I assumed that FWB stays quiet throughout or say meaningless platitudes. Her friend is gobby.
Haha yeah good point. One caveat though @mattyanon to my understanding is more for 'leaving', while you are ok with 'do either way'./////\/\\\
I assume you are back to FWB not standing on my side.
I was referring to friend being combative, FWB staying quiet and me just walking out [which I'd see as walking out with tail between my legs instead of taking charge, polarising, understanding in whos frame FWB is in etc].
Story assumes I already did brush off enough shit tests and it is time for action. Since it is theoretical situation! I don't see a point of making up shit test and deflections
I might as well be old fashioned or beta, IDK, but my favourite was always walking away [way before TRP], but not before polarising and reading the room, so no one can bushtit me later on about events.
I used to be / am quite combative and don't let much leeway, hence my question to calibrate.
I can see progress in my understanding.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Look, do you want a LTR candidate that comes pre-built with good judgement in friends and standing up for men she cares about or one that you have to beat it into her head/lecture/train her why that isn't acceptable?
I would just say recreational use only, keep fucking but don't go to friend gatherings any more
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
HA, I see it is hard to believe, that all this extensive writing is about fictional gathering, with real FWB!
amongst other things, yes, I am trying to figure out what should be my minimum expectations from FWB, but also should I be territorial and polarising. I'd rather get ideas beforehand and test them when the times comes. Saying that I am procuring described situation - it is not mental wank.
In the past I found myself being usually polarising to see reactions and judge on that basis. It doesn't mean I see no room for changes and to eventually improve.
might be my achilles' heel, did that in the past with good result and I have a lubricated pathway in my brain, but I recognise I should not try to do it again
No-Stress-Cat 1mo ago
Sounds like a setup. FWB invites you over. Bitchy friend there to give you shit. FWB says nothing, only watches how you would react.
"I don't have time for this shit, FWB. I got more important things to do." *gets up and leaves*
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago