So I was at one of the Frat houses and they were having a TV party. I was there hanging with some of the guys and theres this one guy in my frat that basically gets picked on a lot from the other guys. He’s a chubby guy, you can tell he’s not very confident from his body language, and he has a hot mom so everyone in the frat thirsts over her and fucks with him over it. For the duration of the post, I’ll call him “Steve”. Douchebag kid is “Bob”
Basically when we were talking, Bob started acting like the biggest jerk-off to Steve. He started making fun of his weight and even asked him how much he weighed and started doing random calculations on his phone of what he SHOULD weigh. From the look on Steve's face showed that it was bothering him and he was getting mad. Later on in the night, Steve mentioned something about his ex girlfriend and the Bob said “you HAD an ex girlfriend??” And just kept making a joke out of Steve. I tried to ask Steve about other things to steer the insults into a conversation so the insults will stop.
Now say what you want about bullying and shit-testing and “eh he was just fucking around”, it actually really chapped my ass that Steve was getting shitted on THAT badly because I saw a reflection of myself back when I was a skinny weak kid who couldn’t stick up for himself. Yes, it was the biggest motivator for me to go to the gym and become who I am (no one dared to haze me when I pledged) but I still subconsciously hold onto some of the terrible things that were said and done to me when I was younger and it fucked me up badly. I get that they were kids and all, they don’t know any better but it doesn’t matter because it still affects how I look at myself and other people.
This has happened on a few other occasions when Steve was around, I remember thinking to myself “Jesus, they’re really let him have it! He’s a brother, not a pledge!”. Funny thing is, Bob was right next to me when he was fucking with Steve and I wasn’t laughing at all, I wanted to look at Bob and give him a piece of my mind, I’m taller and stronger than him by a lot. Then I thought that might put me in a bad light with the frat if I start getting mad at one of the brothers and they might not invite me to stuff anymore, so I get sat there wondering what to do. I get the Steve needs to take this harassment and deal with it by becoming a more respectable person (lose weight, lift more), but I know that he’ll still have problems if he ever does decide to do that. I see plenty of other dorky guys at parties and even in the frat, I refuse to give them shit for who they are even if they are a little fucky. If I see them trying to look good by dressing nice at parties, I ALWAYS tell them how good they look and how they’re gonna steal all the chicks. It’s something I wish people did to me when I was growing up. Compliments like that can really make a person’s day, month, or year! I know what it’s like to be the butt of the jokes, it’s not a good place to be in and it will drained my self-esteem for a LONG TIME hence me being the way I am after leveling up a lot and dropping my “friends”.
I get it: Steve needs to get his shit together and stop being a wuss, but maybe he just needs to be encouraged instead of harshly belittled. I remember there was a guy at my local deli who was always over-weight, and I remember when he started losing a bit of weight I commented “did you lose weight?” And he smiled and said yes and even gave me a free lunch. Since then, he’s lost much more weight.
I digress, I’m conflicted if I should do anything to begin with. When I see Steve, I see me at 13 years old. When I see Bob, I see the mean kids I grew up with who would bully me every chance they got. I just don’t want the other guys being like “woah, man, chill, he was just kiDdiNg” when Steve looked like he was really to lose his temper and no one was laughing at the “funny jokes” poorly disguised as insults. Personal insults.
I know this isn’t a question about chicks or anything, but this is social stuff and TRP talks about some of this stuff with “alphas and betas” of groups (Bob isn’t an alpha worth dick) so I can see it happening in real time. I was questioning whether or not I should even post this. It really pissed me off seeing Steve picked on like that.
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
Please be more concise. Aint reading all of that for a simple thing
Look, most young dudes who get messed with just never learned how to get along with boys who like to rib on others.
I’d probably tell Steve straight up, when Bob is there, that he cant let Bob keep getting a way with that shit.
«Steve come on. You gotta fucking stand up for yourself man. Dude’s just messing with you. Fire back. What do you say fatty? Look at Bob, with those big ass ears. Think he’s ever really looked himself in the mirror? Damn i wouldnt.»
He’ll get the idea if you show him the ropes. And unless Bob is an actual fuckwit, he’s not gonna start shit, he’s gonna join in and if Steve hits back he might start to give him an ounce of respect.
User4566 1mo ago
Sorry, I get carried away sometimes.
Thank you
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
Less is more. Firm assertive statement that is non-confrontational and not hostile
Frame-setting one-liner
"We're all here to have a good time man, let's move on"
Less is more dude. Especially if someone of status and resolve is the one saying it
Don't need to overthink this shit unless you don't understand human nature
If you're socially savvy/Chad you can own the guy being an antagonist by being a Chad and breaking his frame with your own roasting of him and shit testing skills. But that's obviously not you, but it's a valid option if you're actually socially godlike and can do it. Other wise keep it simple stupid (KISS)
Simple cordial frame setting should always be a first resort
User4566 2mo ago
Thanks man, I think I’ll do that next time I show up.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
Bar tards and frat retards are very easy to placate. Men in general are easy to placate if you have ballz and speak facts. But you have to be socially savvy and make the appropriate point for the appropriate vibe. Usually indicating people are out to have fun at fun venues is enough but you have to have social awareness of why people are acting the way they do
Alcohol, women involved etc. you need to have a kind of astute awareness to defuse tards. I've defused gangbangers before and now said gangbanger tells me to dance with his gf (who was my friend before he fucked her)
You really have to play your cards right or it doesn't work
Problematic_Browser 1 2mo ago
Tell Bob that what he's doing isn't acceptable and just leave it at that.
The problem is that until Steve punches Bob in the fucking face, it won't ever stop.
First-light 2mo ago
Spend the odd bit of time with Steve and show people you value him. Tell him has has to stop taking this crap. Remind Bob its a fraternity. Keep it fraternal. Brothers tease but they have each other's backs.