should you argue about it? apologize? ignore it?? and i'm talking to the point where agree and amplify wouldn't work
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Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1y ago Stickied
Not enough info.
Did you actually wrong her in some way, such as breaking a promise, or is she mad because women are crazy and moody?
When my wife gets mad at me for something stupid, I'll laugh it off and even make fun of her for it.
If her anger is justified, I try to make it right.
alyassa 1y ago Stickied
Basically she sent me a girl’s profile asking if i knew her, i told her no (i genuinely didn’t know who that was) then she kept asking me if i was sure that i didn’t know that girl and i told her « why do you keep asking i don’t know who that is » it was over text and she took it badly. Then she removed me being able to see her live location and then i i unadded her everywhere because of that. And now she’s asking why did i unadd her
Diabs 1y ago
Don't talk about things over msg if you can see she is in a bad mood and trying to start shit. Don't be petty and delete her on social media there's no need to try and win. It's just petty girl shit don't even compete it's not an even playing field.
I would have just said no and if she persisted, I would again repeated no we'll talk when I see you next. It's either a shit test or comfort test just deal with it accordingly in person.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1y ago
Assuming that everything you said here is true, my reply would be "because you're insane. Goodbye."
Intrepid_Place53900 1 1y ago
you failed a comfort test.
you were doing good, up until she removed you from live location, then you unadded her everywhere (whatever that means, i'm old).
lead by example, you stay calm, enforce your boundaries and expectations.
In this case, you call her out, calmly. state you don't know this girl, is there an issue? take it from there.
lurkerhasarisen 1 1y ago
That’s a tough test to pass because although it might have been a comfort test, it’s one of those where giving comfort isn’t the way to pass it. She asked if he knew her, he didn’t, he told her the truth. If that was a “standard” comfort test that would have been the end of it. But she chose to accuse him of lying. When he reiterated that he did not, in fact, know her, she escalated. What’s the point of asking if even innocence isn’t a valid defense? To put it another way: what’s the point of a comfort test you can’t pass by giving comfort?
I think that if I were in OP’s place I would tell her that I answered her question and ask her why she thought I was lying. Unless she had a valid reason (maybe one of her friends told her she saw them together), I would tell her that she was acting like a child.
I’ve told the story of a girlfriend I had whose “friends” were always trash-talking about me to her behind my back. Not only did she continue to talk to her scumbag friends, but she kept telling me about it. After expressing my displeasure a few times I finally chewed her out and told her to knock it off. Sometimes a woman will seek comfort or reassurance when what she needs is for her man to put her in her place.
alyassa 1y ago
unadding her everywhere just means that i unfollowed her from every social media i had her on lol.
thanks for the reply btw but what should i do now?
lurkerhasarisen 1 1y ago
Now that you’ve broken contact you’ve put the ball in her court. If you re-add her then you’ll be chasing a girl who’s pulling away, which is generally not going to end well.
The standard RP principle is that if you have abundance mentality, you won’t care if some girl is being flaky because she can be replaced. If you read my response to Intrepid_Place you can see how you could have handled it differently and (possibly) avoided this, but we’re past that now. It’s on her to realize that you’re done with her nonsense and decide for herself whether to initiate contact with you.
If she doesn’t, consider it to be a bullet dodged and learn what you can from it. If she does, press her on why she’s making a big deal about it… you might discover that somebody in her circle is undermining you to her behind your back.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 1y ago
Agree with Lurker below.
wait for her to contact you,etc.
If she doesn't, she's a drama queen that was looking for an excuse to move on because it has to be your fault.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Also never do this again unless you are done with a chick. This was a collosal frame loss and very high school behavior
Crooss 1y ago
Did he loose frame tho? Because he didn't really frame it yet [from what I read].
From her behaviour she broke it with him - depending on an arrangement and why and how long she shared location with him.
IMO as long as he approaches it very casually "I have assumed we're done so I have moved on - not a big deal if you just hit yourself on a head - I'm still here, but you need to explain yourself", and will not add her back for a loooong [say 6m] time "I will not add you back tho, I'm too busy" [gaslighting] - it is still good, as long as it goes for OP.
After all I think it was DIGITAL precursor to a nuclear shit test.
IF he won't nip it now, it will spread.
She should get him back live location on her own. IF she doesn't she is playing and should be not given attention.
I would proceed to check messages, if he can, as asking what happened, might not be effective depending on what she is trying to hide.
OP if you have already communicated with her, then you might have lost frame. If you didn't you need to recover it along the lines as above.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Her disabling live location was a huge error on her part but OP basically broke up with her.
Unadding someone in retaliation without actually breaking up is a serious frame loss.
It's basically saying I'm mad so here is me doing xyz as a passive aggressive tantrum. OP should have either cut the cord or handled it differently
Not doing a foot in the door breakup maneuver that, from what it sounds like, wasn't a serious move to start ending the relationship but rather a shit fit.
That's the nuance that differents it. OP should have handled it differently and with more teeth not whatever this was. This is something I'd expect high schoolers to do unless he was actually dumping her, then it would make more sense to unadd her
Crooss 1y ago
can't agree more, and I follow that trope, he can't just pretend nothing happen
so it follows this frame. I'm not saying it is ideal, but I can see it can be gaslighted the fuck out of her.
He says it broke [not that he has broken - nor she has broken], but in a lazy I don't care fashion. THen it depends on: will she be subservient agreeable etc. and did he talk to her. Then he keeps her on probation, ramping up demands and removing part of attention. Get more give less. If she breaks at thispoint - it meant to be.
I see it as more: digital nuclear shittest [or precursor as with digital it can be softened] and if OP didn't hear about it, nuclear shittest in person means it is absolutely all done [ie she gives a number to a dude in front of him]
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Any time I see couples do this stuff it's basically over already or has been for some time under the surface
Once you hit a point of contempt with an intimate partner like this there really isn't much genuine respect or desire left
Would someone do this stuff with someone they respected?
Crooss 1y ago
I'm not saying it is LTR situation. I just see it for the situation it is and way out of it. It is better to ponder with your options and test outcomes than just say it is not worth it and move on to another one of the same kind [meaning: train on that bitch].
Yes you are absolutely right it doesn't look good from her side, but if you consider I called it digital nuclear test [or similar] then it kind of says the same without saying it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
I mean yeah but OP is a man he needs to make concrete choices, not fiddle with his dick on the middle of a fence post
Crooss 1y ago
Yeah, I am from that school of fiddling with the dick in the pocket. Since I have no unbiased feedback from someone that has insight in my life I will never know was it the best, I;m just sure it is not the worst and it has sent me [I think] on dark triad path.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
@alyassa
OPs really need to add details.
Is she mad because you went out with the boys on a night you two don't even normally spend time together or mad because you brazenly rizzed another girl at her family outing?
Kind of matters why she's mad. This is like asking "is water bad?" Idk, for hydration? No, for cleaning your electrical outlets, yes.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1y ago
Mental note to heap vcards upon you for this.
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
Depends on what it's for. If it's for some stupid shit, who gives a fuck? That's her issue to overcome.
No-Stress-Cat 1y ago
I'm glad I don't have social media. Fucking internet drama.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Remove attention lol
No time for BS drama