I know, this is the weirdest title. Basically, I used to always be strikingly good looking when i was younger. I mean, grown men would tell me i should stop working at X job and should model, guys used to approach me at gyms to model their new clothing brand, girls used to ask me for photos, hb8 girls used to approach and give me their numbers etc.

I was the classic 170 lb (basically not huge but kinda muscular but lean) 18 year old Chad with the square jaw and nice curly hair down to my shoulders. I will refer to this as my baseline.

Now im 27, and i will admit i have noticed some changes. I look more manly now, but im still the same good looking 18 year old, but recently became tatted on my legs and arms and 210 lbs muscle (i did a steroid cycle after being natural and working out almost 10 years consistenly).

This put me over the edge, in a great amazing way. But really, it just made me cockier and more arrogant (internally). I realized that i can see a smoking hot girl in the gym, maybe 1-5 people (girls included) will check her out. But when i step in there, its like the entire gym stares at me and puts me on this pedastool. This basically happens in most cases if im at the store, etc. Same thing with men. If I see a really objectively good looking Chad, they get a little attention, but nothing on my level.

Ive come to terms that I have Apex Chad looks, through natural baseline genetics and 10 years gym hardwork and tattoos/steroids.

Heres where things changed..

For the first time in my life I grew out my scruffle. And about 2 months ago I officially found out i can grow a beard. So now, im adding the beard to the arsenal and its pushed me to the upper echelons..

Sounds good right? I know it is deep down. But my issue is that since growing out my beard and my recent steroid cycle, i completely strike fear in men.

My second job is a private driver for a company that transports some high value people..Ive been doing it for a few years. One thing i notice is that these high value men have a strong frame with me when we greet and make small talk, but after 5 minutes in my car they start having a panic attack in the back seat. I can hear them breathing extremely hard (this has happened to me maybe 5 times in my life so im speaking from experience) Making grown men have panic attacks have happened maybe almost 30 times in the past few months, where it rarely happened to me in the past.

Basically my strong silent presence and frame alone makes them lose their frame. I try to remain stoic and ignore it to not make it awkward, but i slowly gain a smirk on my face and fight it to keep a straight face, which ends up making it look smug. Its out of my control. If I let it go ill start cracking up to myself, in a weird uncalled for way. I think it makes me look judgmental when im the complete opposite, i try to hide the smirk to put them at ease and keep things normal.

Now this extends to everything, when i order chipotle, the people i speak to are visibly shaken from my presence. I cant help but smirk in their face when i tell them i want brown pinto beans and extra brown rice, etc.

I went to a few social events recently, met a bunch of new people over beers, and when we talk after a few minutes the guys look shaken from my presence and they start to lose frame and i start smirking awkwardly. Everyone at the table seems to notice, which makes me self-conscious that im looking like an absolute smug dbag.

Same thing happens on the train, when i step on the train everythings normal. But then sooner or later people start staring at me, and i notice girls checking me out and men are either scared or giving me admiring/envious looks. Then I cant help but start smirking like a fucking smug dbag again, and then people notice and i lose my luster.

When im walking around hte mall and see women checking me out i do the smug smirk, which i want to clarify this is not the same thing as the confident, sly seductive smirk women like. Its more of a "im the shit i saw you checking me out" type of smirk, which is completely weird reaction imo.

I think its making me look insane, crazy, smug, arrogant, im not sure how it comes across to people but they definitely notice.

As you can imagine, this spreads to everything i do. Its a new habit i picked up maybe 3 months ago. The only change i can think of is thats around the time my beard first grew in and put me on another level of smv.

Im trying to figure out how to deal with this. I thought i was having weird anxiety reactions from having 1000-2000mg/ caffeine per day. I literally had a insanely rough stretch the past 4 months of insane 80 hour work weeks and i needed caffeine pills to get me thru the day.

Things at work slowed down to normal and so i decided to quit caffeine 2 weeks ago cold turkey. From what i read online it should be out my system, but i find myself doing the smug ass smirk still.

Not sure what to do now. Should i embrace it? Is it in my head? Should i see a therapist? I have a weird feeling its a weird combination of anxiety, stress, happy where im at in my life, and then 2000 mg/day of caffeine.