There’s this HB9 girl in uni I’m talking to rn. I asked her out and a day before said date she cancelled bc she had a lot of assignments to finish. She wrote a whole paragraph about how she tried to get it done earlier but she couldn’t (I believe her bc she studies a LOT and rarely goes out other than to drink on the weekends with a group of friends I.e tons of orbiters and female friends). However, she didn’t offer to reschedule so I just told her to “let me know whenever she’d want to go” since I know it’s almost finals and this month is really stressful for everyone. I wrote her off and started talking to other girls
We walked around campus one day before I asked her out since we hadn’t spoken in a year and she was really keen to meet. Almost instant replies. Never a one word answer and is super enthusiastic over text. Keep in mind I only ever text for logistics and the very rare meme on ig.
My confusion comes from whether I should ask her out again or just let it go. Whenever we pass by the hallways she always stops for a chat and then move on.
Should I ask her out again or just write her off as validation seeking?
ncstaterepted 1y ago
I'd give her at least a week or two to hit you up. You can really go as long as you want but id wait at least a week and then try to make plans again. if she can't schedule a date at that point id say the ball is 100% in her court and you forget she exists unless she contacts you. if she contacts you, try to make a date. if she doesn't, she gets one more chance to contact you and you try to make a date. After that, she has to both contact you and make a date otherwise stop engaging her. i'd smile and be cordial IRL but with a vibe that you've got places to be. she has your number and can hit you up if she's interested since you told her to. if she wants to bring up rescheduling IRL she can too and then you take the lead and set a date.
Gilles 1y ago
Super important to smile and be cordial about it, while also giving off the vibe that you're not gonna chase a dead lead. Good take.
Rashed_69 1y ago
That was actually my take on it too.. but then it got me thinking that she’s a HB9 with an overload of options so why would she even bother with rescheduling when all her life she’s never really had to…?
I’ve never been with anyone above a HB8 btw so irdk if I should even treat them the same bc this is how I used to treat my HB6-HB8 plates and it worked but idk about this one
ncstaterepted 1y ago
im not saying go no contact now, give it a week or so. if I see her in person frequently I would bring up rescheduling our date after a week or so next time we see each other in person to make it a little organic. "These chats are fun. We should do this long form in person. Are you free on xxx day?" You don't have to acknowledge the old missed date eg "We really should get that date planned!"
i wouldn't assume she's never had to reschedule. women date up so a hb9 is going for hb10 dudes. 10 dudes cancel on her. with her 10's, she's the one in your position. she's texting them, waiting on them, wondering if she should hit them up again or if they will schedule in the future. this is what women enjoy feeling about a man, because they want to fix it into a situation where the man adores them. it also signals that a man is not controlled by his need to see her, or have sex with her. this makes her feel secure in her choice of him.
this hb9 likely also has simps in waiting that do hit her up and make their availability known for her. she might collect them, depending on her personality. they think about how to text her, they try different strategies, and they believe in the magic move (if i do this one thing right, she'll realize/react the way i want her to). she may have been collecting you. In other words, she recognizes the simp behavior and if you display it by eagerly hitting her up, you will turn her off even more.
you are separating yourself from the simps by not chasing too hard and you are showing high value by not being phased by her IRL and also not being too eager. You need to be ready for the reality that you already fucked up with this chick and control yourself because if you act right you never know what can happen in the future. so, don't be a hard ass alpha no contact right away, give her another chance after some time or if you get some signal from her, and if she's interested, set a date. if she's not, pursue other women and forget her but since you see her in person still be cordial. just stop pursuing/chasing.
Gilles 1y ago
You're not her top option in her mind. Maybe you were at one point, but then another guy came along, explaining her shift in behavior. It sounds like you're chatting in a mostly friendly manner in the hallways. There's not really any game to be played out. I'd put her on the backburner and pursue other options. If she hits you up you can try to arrange plans, but otherwise just treat her like a friend. She might come around if she sees you with other chicks.
[deleted] 1y ago
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