I want to share my latest experience, which took place this year. I'm intentionally addressing this story to people who are unbiased but also aware of the red pill. There are two things I would like to consult with you regarding this matter - mentioned in the end of this post.
To begin with, I will introduce myself. I am a man, from a certain european metropolis, 34 years old. I'm the red pill aware, but I'm also aware that I still have a lot of room for improvement in this matter.
This girl is 3 years older, so she is 37 years old. So her best years are behind her, but I still find her very attractive. Attractive enough to easily attract attention with her attractiveness in the public places. We met in a bizarre way. She was my then-neighbor from the apartment next door where I was living at the time. One day, she simply rang me to say that she needed help with the electric breaker. So I helped her managed it out. A few days later, I had little gift and a note on my door with her phone number. So we texted for a couple of days, then made a date. We got drunk and kissed on the first date, then I ended up at her place (she was still my neighbor, so we just shared a ride home). There was no further intercourse because I intentionally left to my apartment. We arranged a second date, which she suggested at her place because she suggested cooking for me. So that night we ended up getting drunk again and I fucked her. I liked her and she really wanted it. It must be said that we had intercourse without a condom, which is definitely not a common practice in my country nor my social class..and she suggested it herself. I accepted it because I felt very good about her and felt it was just ok.
At the time we met I had just been moving into a new apartment for which I had got a mortgage. But it needed to be renovated and I planned to sleep in my mother's home during this time. However, this girl herself suggested that I could live with her for a while. At first I didn't like this idea, it seemed a bit daring to sleep at her place, but in the end I agreed because it was more pleasant to be with her than in my mother's home. So within two weeks of our meeting, I was living in the same household with her. Absolutely crazy, life is colorful sometimes. I quickly came to regard this girl as dating material. Attractive, self-sufficient, good job, good education, could cook, could dress, could behave, genuinely polite, didn't even have an instagram profile, sex with her was satisfying. I would definitely come to love her at some point, because I simply liked her and she was good enough in all the aspects I consider important. I also considered myself to be competent to date her. I have a decent physique, care about looks, often described as handsome, I'm making a considerable more money ..and still have better things to come in my career. Me being younger wasn't a penalty because her exes were even younger than me, so she definitely was into younger guys.
Unfortunately, love didn't happen. After 6 weeks of living together, she started showing signs of disrespect towards me. It wasn't major, but I clearly registered two digs she made towards me and became cautious because I was aware of the red pill. The frequency of sex was already low at this time. Over the next few days it came to the point where I was coming home from work on a friday night and just outside her place I got a confrontational bullshit message from her out of the blue asking when I was going to move out, saying she couldn't handle it because she was over a breakup with an ex-boyfriend. So I got home and there was a very unpleasant atmosphere, but she didn't want to talk about anything. She just repeated that she was over the breakup and she couldn't handle it. I was aware that she had broken up with her long term partner a few weeks before we met. But I didn't see it as a problem. First of all, she was the one who ended her long-term relationship. Second, in the past I had had functioning long-term relationships with girls who had been post-breakup for even shorter periods of time than she had. So this girl simply and plainly lost interest in me for some reason. I would like to point out here that there was no fight that night. Despite unpleasant atmosphere everything was calm. I realised it was over and simply told her I would leave the next morning. That night she didn't even sleep in the bed with me anymore, she silently stayed in the living room and slept on the couch. In the morning I packed most of my things, she said I didn't have to leave, I replied that I was just going to my place. I also clearly mentioned that I'm leaving a few my belongings with her, including my toothbrush. I did not return her apartment keys to her at this point because I had simply forgotten about them. She had not remembered them herself. I then left her apartment and went to my new home. There I realised that the only thing I could do was 'no contact'.
I knew that if she reached me out and possibly wanted to talk and discuss our relationship, there was a chance to save it. I knew she would have to reach me at some point about her apartment keys, which I had unintentionally keep when I left her apartment.
Three weeks later I received a bitter confrontational message from her accusing me of disappearing and not even returning her apartment keys. I want to point out here that she exactly knew where I moved (6 minutes from her place), she had my phone number, Facebook, just everything. She could have called me at any time. So I got confirmation that it's completely over with no chance of rescue. I'll make it short. We eventually met at her apartment, I picked up the last of my stuff, and I gave her back her keys. There was no arguing, not even when she confronted me about being uncomfortable with me having her keys for so long. I just made it a point not to argue. This was last time we spoke each other.
1) Even though I didn't love her and overall this end of the relationship wasn't terribly difficult, after a couple of weeks something inside me changed. Apparently my ego was damaged somehow. Something inside me wants very, very badly to have a girl this attractive next to me. Something in me wants so badly to have sex with a girl like this, which she enjoys and wants to have with me over and over again. So when she stopped these things with me of her own initiative despite the fact that I wanted to continue, it just damaged me somehow. I try to think about it with my brain, that it is an achievement at the end of a day that an attractive girl found me attractive enough to let me into her body and be this intimate with me. That, in short, of all the men she had around her, she chose me and we had a nice time together. And that the relationship didn't work out because in her mind we just weren't compatible for some reason. Do you have any experienced recommendations on how to fix my wounded ego?
2) I am fully aware that this relationship has ended and that it will never continue. However, she will have a birthday soon. When we were still together, it was my birthday and she took me out to an expensive dinner and generally celebrated my birthday nicely with me. I'm conflicted. On the one hand, I don't want to contact her because it's probably not good for my ego. On the other hand, I find it very rude not to even send her a birthday message given the fact how nicely and generously she celebrated my birthday with me. I would love to hear the opinion of the more experienced.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
DO NOT CONTACT THIS WOMAN EVER AGAIN. No contact is the only way forward. Block, delete, forget and move on. No 'birthday messages', no messages, nothing at all. The only way to let a wound heal is to stop picking at the fucking scab.
You had your fun, you had some good sex, its finished now. Look up and look forwards. There will be plenty more where that came from. Your life is just beginning.
Your ego is not wounded my friend. This is nothing in the scheme of things. Focus on your mission, your friendships with other men, your work, your goals.
The mistake that you made is that you did not accurately assess the situation. There are some guys on here that would shit on you because you had a relationship with an older woman. I fully understand that - I've done it myself.
But to make sure that these things stay fun (and not turn sour, like this has) you need to always be asking yourself, as you get into a relationship;
"What is this relationship for? What am I expecting out of this? What is realistic?"
If you had asked yourself that the very night that you first fucked her, you would have said to yourself "Well, its just a bit of fun, no harm in that, we'll have a bit of sex, and then we'll drift apart, no worries" Because that is all that she can offer you. You allowed yourself to get sucked into a oneities situation because you didn't set the parameters before you sailed into sort of LTR.
A woman of 37 is well well past her prime. She cannot offer you her 'best years of fertility'. A womans eggs are 90% gone by the age of 30. So this woman is not a future wife and mother to your children. She knew that, and it ate away at her, which caused her to fight with you.
By all means, take your pleasures as you find them. Smash all the post wall milfs you want. But don't make the mistake of not knowing what it is that you are going to get out of it.
justaguyfromeurope 1y ago
I'm never contacting her again.
I feel the pressure here about being in a relationship with an older girl. I'd just like to mention that I know how things are. A woman's looks go downhill fast from a certain age. It's inevitable. And of course an older woman is probably carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Still, I found her suitable for at least the next few years. However, I certainly don't want to argue about it and I understand the underlying point.
Well, I do want LTR, but not because I want to make LTR the absolute focus of my life because of the feeling of emptiness or something. It's about the pragmatic side of things. I want sex with an attractive girl, I want loyal company, to have a partner to take to business parties?
As for my own plan for children, I don't currently know whether or not I want them at all. Therefore, I didn't see a problem with the girl even if she couldn't have children, at least for the next few years.
Here I would like to mention that at least in my social bubble (metropolis, middle class) I could count several women who successfully gave birth to their first child after their 40th birthday. Some of them paid for treatment at an assisted reproduction clinic, some I guess were just lucky and got pregnant naturally in the end. I certainly don't want to argue that such a late age is ideal for having children without any problems. I get the underlying point, but having a first child around 38-39 isn't that miraculous for a woman, especially when you live in a big city and have money.
This thought is very interesting:
What exactly did you mean by that? Why do you think it was eating away at her, and why would she want to fight me for that reason?
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
When you say 'I know women over 40 who have had children' you are essentially saying 'so it's no that bad, etc etc'.
It is that bad. It gets harder and harder for women to get pregnant after about 27 for a good reason. The instances of birth defects goes up dramatically after about 30. Doctors call a birth after 30 a 'geriatric mother'. After 40 the risk of downs syndrome and other defects is markedly increased. As a society, we are quiet about this because we live in a Femocracy - you're just not allowed to say that women are fantastic whatever they do.
The most retarded thing a society can do is allow their wishes to dictate what they belive is true. Here's an example - I know a guy who is 78 and he smoke 60 a day - therefore, smoking can't be that bad? So, I'm going to smoke.
If you think like that, its clear you are using anecdotal evidence to allow you to what you want to do - which is to smoke. The evidence is clear - smoking causes cancer and kills about 50% of long term users.
What you just did was use 'woman logic' to justify women over 40 having kids. It's selfish and its dangerous.
You ask why she was fighting with you - she knows that you are younger than her, and that your realtionship has no future -so she was pushing your buttons and causing fights to try and get a reaction out of you.
Arcturus 1y ago
She wrote you off with no apparent reason, was disrespectful and confrontational. You owe her nothing.
justaguyfromeurope 1y ago
True, I don't owe her anything and as is well mentioned by @dongking apparently it's only my male hamster that is begging for contact with her.
dongking 1y ago
Read the book rational male. You let your feelings control your life way too much.
Like here:
Doubt it. She is 37 for gods sake. Your perception of her is biased and most likely based on your feelings to a large extent.
And here. Felt it was okay? Would you have felt it was ok if she got pregnant and kept the baby? Again: she is 37 and potentially has like 1 egg left. She would NEVER have made an abortion.
And also here. No logic behind it. It makes no sense to move in with a woman you just met. It will kill ALL attraction.
You went balls deep into her frame. What exactly did you expect to happen? Ofcourse she will start to resent you when you have zero frame.
It's over dude. This is just your male hamster speaking so you can get in touch with her. Stay no contact.
justaguyfromeurope 1y ago
This is the kind of commentary I was hoping for. I wanted to get objective feedback from a more experienced. I am aware of a lot of things, but my weakness is blind spots. Well you can see it yourself in practice see my story I posted.
You've pinpointed exactly the flaw that ran through the whole relationship. I didn't get her into my frame and that resulted in a massive loss of attraction that inevitably led to the failure of the relationship. The move into her home was a monumental mistake. Well, I've learned my lesson. I'll avoid that mistake next time.
Regarding her attractiveness, in the big picture it is unimportant in the end of the day. I believe that objectively she was hot, but you are also certainly correct that my subjective perception was influenced by my affection/emotions. However, as I mention, it's not relevant whether she was attractive or not in terms of the big picture, she was simply a girl I wanted ..period.
Regarding her potential pregnancy. Well, I have no comment on that. Another blind spot. I'm aware that her pregnancy would eventually lead to me having child support obligations instead of a relationship with her. Thank you for pinpointing the mistake.
And finally, regarding her birthday. You're right, it's apparently the male hamster in me begging for contact with her, and I'm just trying to rationalize it. I'm staying no contact.
I would like to thank you very much for your valuable feedback, I really appreciate it. As I wrote in my original post, I am aware that I still have room for improvement. I'd just like to mention that I can vividly imagine myself in my teens or early twenties completely falling for her and making an absolute pathetic idiot of myself and suffering heartbreak for months. So despite my obvious mistakes, I have made great progress. I was able to leave on time and managed to stay calm and gave her literally no opportunity to create drama, and I managed not demonstrate my emotions and therefore successfully keep my dignity.
dongking 1y ago
You seem like a good man. I'm sure you will learn from this and come out stronger. Specially if you read books like The Rational Male and develop a strong frame.
At the end of the day, if you can attract one hot woman, you can attract more.
And yes, I'm sure she was attractive. But 37 is still 37 :-)
I'm around your age, early 30's. We're almost at our potential peak in SMV in terms of physical stature and career moving in the right direction; if you play your cards right for the next few years, you'll more or less be able to pick n choose from young hot women in their early 20's to start a family with.
So be patient. See it as a blessing it ended early with this 37 year old that is way past it. Be thankful for the good times you had and aim for women that are 25 and under for LTR's. Vet them slowly though, like 1 year ish before upgrading them.
A great guide how to manage your girl(s) is this: https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/3524/humansockpuppet_s_guide_to_managing_your_bitches
slowlylearning1 1y ago
It sounds from your description that she is one of the hottest women you have been with, be proud of your accomplishment like you said that a woman like that wanted you (even if for a short time).
Abundance. Even if you are licking your wounds, there will be better, younger, nicer, politer, and sexier women in your life in the future. This experience with a very attractive looking person, rather than doubting yourself, start using the experience from it on the next attractive woman you want in your life.
Easier said than done at times, and I too have been hurt by a more attractive woman initially liking me then ditching me , and when I had a weaker mind I thought "Oh shit, that's me back to 5s only". I've had set backs, knock backs but you have to keep being the person you were (when you initially attracted this woman) there's millions of beautiful women out who would dote on you.
Keep fit, active and doing things. You do this, you'll feel happier, when happier most people are nicer, friendly or fun to be around ; you go to the gym, you get a nicer body - I'm going through this now, and from having zero women touching me a year ago when I was 40 pounds heavier and depressed, I have women touching my hands, arms, shoulders almost daily if I wear a slim fitting shirt and most people will respect you too, you'll piss some off but they are nothing to fear, mostly all talk ; but mostly you'll build up relations with strangers, all sorts of people. I am not joking. You'll start enjoying life.
A knock back is word for word correct. It's a slight detraction from your path, but it just means you have to work a bit harder, and this drives you on!
justaguyfromeurope 1y ago
Yes, it is true, I consider her one of the most attractive ones that have been through my life so far ..and she came into it completely on her own initiative.
So it's definitely something. And that something is probably the fruits of my work on my physique in gym and taking care of my looks. Last but not least, the apartment I was renting at the time we met was quite expensive. So I couldn't afford it without the success in my career and therefore wouldn't have even met her. Everything happened for a reason.
My mind has definitely been going through the thing you describe in recent weeks. I've had exactly the same unpleasant but completely unreasonable thoughts that this was the most I could achieve and from now on I will only reach out to less attractive girls.
Thanks for the suggestions, feedback and overall thoughts!
slowlylearning1 1y ago
When I was out of shape and a beta I had 2 attractive women interested and both ended up breaking up with me first. I basically thought I was done with women (as in I'll never get one that I am attracted now).
A year later, I can't believe how wrong I was. Just today, a woman handing me a drink deliberately rubbed her hand over my palms when it was easier to not touch me. I'm fairly average looking but now in amazing shape ; I'm finding being fit has increased interest from women ten fold. So glad to hear you're work outs are paying off too.
I'm acting myself too. I was always too timid at times, classic beta people pleaser, I had no problem meeting average women, I just crumbled to them once in a relationship.
And I'm not joking, you keep doing what you're doing you'll have women making it incredibly obvious to near enough throwing themselves at you.
I'm still working on myself but seriously I was super beta, most men today are teenagers, women will see you with your shit together and you stay the course, you're only going to get bitter, fitter, smarter, whilst men in their 30s are playing video games all weekend ; women are going to want an adventure with you than watching beta bucks play FIFA.
All the best
[deleted] 1y ago
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Permacultist 1y ago
Bro. Run away from that as fast as you can.
justaguyfromeurope 1y ago
What do you mean by that? Get it out of head completely? Stay no contact?