That’s why people drink at bars. It’s a social lubricant.

I’m the same way, man. Last night, I (24) went to a concert with my buddy and his girlfriend in the city. During the show, I would say things to my friend like “look at everyone with their phones out” and girls around us would chime into our conversation and would say stuff like “you’re tall so you don’t need to worry about it” and stuff. Then after the show, we were talking more and basically ignoring women altogether and a girl came up to us and asked is where we were going after the show and that she was going to a certain bar and whatever.

I’ve also had girls approach me out of nowhere when I went out alone, 100% of the time it was when I was ignoring women altogether and just enjoying myself at the venue and not giving off the thirsty vibes. If I go to a bar to pick up chicks, I feel a great sense of pressure on me which will make me uncomfortable while I’m there. But when I go to a bar with the mindset of “I need a drink and some music and maybe I’ll talk to people” then I feel much more relaxed and much more confident because I don’t have that burden on my head. I believe people can almost feel my energy when I’m anxious.

Try to hold eye contact with women and look like you’re having fun. Get a few drinks in you and try to UNWIND. Show up a little earlier so you aren’t walking into a bar where it’s packed in like sardines.

I'll give you the secret for free:

You gotta go in with a good vibe.

The secret to magnetic energy is actually counter intuitive: it's the people that give the least fucks about being accepted that do get accepted.

No I'm not saying do crazy shit to deliberately be outcasted, but realize that peoples opinions or reactions to you won't change your opinion about yourself if youre comfortable in your own skin & know who you are as a man.

I used to go out alone and just start vibing to the music. Then im feeling real good feelings throughout my body, I start sharing that vibe with people. I give other elated people fist bumps "YO THIS GUY/GIRL KNOWS HOW TO PARTY!"

Its so easy man. Just stop viewing it as getting something from someone like most do. They're trying to get validation from others because they aren't validated by themselves. That icks people out and reeks of desperation and low value.

Being self-validated & just wanting to share that vibe is EXTREMELY magnetic. You give off an aura of sprezzatura. You're balanced in independence from the outcome & interested at the same time. Its like a

"hey you guys look cool, let's see if we vibe. If we don't, it's cool I'll move along!" Mindset. Not explicitly said like that but you get my point.

People feel that vibe. People view me going confidently as just someone who's used to getting accepted by people. The only people who will shun you away are people who hate themselves or w/e.

It sounds like you’re not a student.

In your case; esp being older you’re kind of viewed as a “townie” and most college kids/college aged kids won’t wanna fw you especially if this is a college town we’re talking about. Bigger cities like Miami/nyc/etc different story bc the bar scene takes in ppl from all walks of life

Hey there, thanks for sharing your experience. Social situations can indeed be tricky, especially in crowded or intimate settings. It's commendable that you're willing to step out of your comfort zone and work on your social interactions.

Consider trying day game on the college campus; it tends to be more relaxed and conducive to one-on-one conversations. When approaching groups, your idea of a casual greeting is a good start. Gauge body language to find the right moments.

Don't be too hard on yourself; building social skills takes time. Reflect on your experiences, identify areas for improvement, and approach each interaction as a learning opportunity.

Expanding your interests beyond gaming can give you more conversation topics. And remember, a positive mindset goes a long way. Not every interaction needs to lead to a lasting friendship, but each one is a chance to practice and grow. Keep at it, and you'll likely see progress over time.

First of all: well done for doing this! Most people never do it, or don't get past trying it once.

It's a learning curve, and you did well taking the first step.

e I'll have to try insta approaching the groups of girls and just say hey whats going on, talk for a few mins, and then ask what they have planned later.

Don't ask what they plan to do later. Girls don't like to commit to sharing this information or making their mind up.

. Maybe I should stick to day game as someone without experience speaking to people, maybe I can make small talk easier on the campus during the daytime with 1 on 1s.

Do what works for you.

Agree that most bars are either too loud or too quiet, but if you keep trying you'll find a location and a night of the week where it works.

I was also wearing boots that made me 6 feet tall, full black outfit, gold chain and watch.

Pimp.

I do need to get a haircut though but it shouldnt have been a dealbreaker.

It's not about dealbreaker or not, it's about making everything possible work in your favour.

1 or 2 girls glanced or made eye contact with me for about 1s and then looked away quickly.

Great!

When this happens, you should look at them and maintain eye contact, smile as wide as you can (takes practice to get into the habit of this, but learn to smiling big and wide without hesitation. Doesn't matter if she's cute or not, don't think just smile big). THEN DO NOT LOOK AGAIN. Do not "hope that enough eye contact makes her come over or makes her invite you over". This is a mistake. After this you either approach her, or don't and she might approach you, but looking after a solid chunk of eye contact works against you and is weak and needy.

I mean, don't AVOID eye contact..... but don't expect a repeat confirmation.

No one smiled at me or anything.

This is normal. You're at least moderately attractive but you're a stranger. Noone will smile at you. They maintained eye contact, this is enough and frankly it's all you ever get.

There were also guys there that were shorter than me and I don't know about worse looking but definitely nerdier looking than me with decent looking girls.

Right

Another problem was I wasn't really horny at all the whole time. Sure there were girls there but none of them looked that great. I've had to actively think about really dominating them to get aroused in the past.

Being horny helps, but it's not easy in a public environment, so it's fine if you're not feeling it.

I never really made friends or had positive interactions with anyone I must be emotionally defective or something to not know how to talk to guys or girls at age 25

It's pretty normal actually. Most men can't talk to unknown girls AT ALL. Most. 90%.

I mean I've had friendly conversations with someone before, but never where it was like I got to keep talking to this person lets stay in touch.

It takes practice. You need to be sharing about yourself, having fun, and showing interest in them. Commit to sticking with this and growing your skills and comfort and you'll get there.

The few people I talk to are gamers and we don't really talk about anything outside the video games

That's fine, but learn to expand your conversational horizons with people. Don't stick to the same shit..... ask other questions, find other commonality.

the few times we tried hanging out irl we had nothing to talk about and it wasn't even really fun at all.

Well, can't win 'em all. Next! :)