Hi all
I called this girl I was cool in places but also kinda fumbled in places.
I then messaged said to her I'm going to museum on Wednesday come along. She replied she is working overtime wednesday but she can meet me at greggs (greggs is a cafe) on her lunch break. Greggs is cheap so that's cool but not an ideal place to escalate.
I guess I might as well meet her and see what happens although maybe letting her pick the time and venue is falling into her frame a bit too much?
Is it better to sit opposite or next to her? Easier to touch and escalate if I'm next to her but there is eye contact if I'm opposite.
Noonenoname 1y ago
Would you message her on the day and say "Hey are we still good for 1.30pm? The risk of a lunch break date like this is lots of reasons for her to flake (work ran over etc)
Oh and one more question it's cool if I don't pay for anything of hers right? It's bad for a guy to pay for a girl on the first date (beta?)
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
Do they still do 4 sausage rolls for a £1? Lunch for two right there!!
Noonenoname 1y ago
Lol not sure maybe. It's crazy cheap but I'm worried more about it being "beta" if I pay for her even tho it's so cheap.
ncstaterepted 1y ago
I like to text something like "Hi xxx, change of plans" the morning of the date. If she's into you and looking forward to a date, she'll eventually ask something like "Oh?" or "What's up?" Then I bump the time of date up by one minute, like "Gonna have to move it to 7:01 instead of 7." and she'll respond "Perfect, see you then!" or something like that. It's a good way to confirm the date without showing needy, but instead playing with her from your teasing frame.
This approach is a hard filter for low interest because a low interest girl will probably ignore your change of plans text. If she doesn't ignore the change of plans text she may reveal that she can no longer make the date once you propose the minute later time. She wasn't interested enough to see why you changed the plans, she just changed her plans as soon as you told her there was a change.
If she doesn't respond to your change of plans text I wouldn't follow up again until she does because she probably was going to flake anyway. If she responds and says "Oh, great, I have xxxx thing to do tonight anyway." then you have to pretend that your change of plans was real and not a minute bump. This may actually build attraction because you canceled on her and you should probably get the ball rolling on setting another date since you canceled.
Hamza99 1y ago
WTF...
Noonenoname 1y ago
I'm confused too. I think changing the time by 1 minute would really weird out a girl they will think you have OCD or something. Maybe 10 minutes might work even then I'm not sure these kind of games are worth it.
ncstaterepted 1y ago
Thanks for stating why you're confused! Here you expect the girl to laugh at the absurdity of a 1 minute time change. Trying to make it look like a real 10 minute time bump is lame.
This is a way to confirm a date. Instead of directly asking, you make her laugh and get the confirmation. A side benefit that low interest girls may drop off at "change of plans."
I do this all the time and have not had a bad result. Probably because I set dates in the cold approach so the girls are never low interest. I use this text style to confirm the first date the day of.
Only use it once per girl.
ncstaterepted 1y ago
What's confusing you?
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
Don't worry so much. It sounds like a decent lead, so don't doubt yourself, go for it.
PS - I approve of your museum idea, (because they are free in London). And the fact that she wants to meet up at greggs is great.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so go for it.
You ask "Would you message her on the day and say "Hey are we still good for 1.30pm?"
NO - I would not use that sort of language. Be more assertive (its what they want) - just write - "Hey there - I'll see you at Greggs at 1.30"
Don't ask open ended questions. Use statements instead. All women are looking for a leader. That's all they want. You can be that leader.
We're doing this. We'll meet here. Here is the a location pin.
The minute you get there, if she's not there, text her a location pin.
Noonenoname 1y ago
This is a good answer thanks. The only problem with not making it a question is it might be seen as not needing an answer.
RedditUserShame 1y ago
Or buy yourself something [no purchase necessary, see T&C on our website] and if she arrives late even few minutes you can chat few min in the spot and move on to another place. If she asks or not this spot, you can say you already had it. It sends a message you don't just wait.
Download Tom Torero huge torrent and watch about the game. 1-2h of basics.
Noonenoname 1y ago
Thanks for your reply but if she is only a few minutes late I won't have finished whatever I'm having so therefore can't leave
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
She can't meet you at your logistics BECAUSE OF LOGISTICS. That's why they are called LOGISTICS. yet she's still trying to meet you for something that works
Women have jobs too dude. Stop sperging and inventing imaginary obstacles for acquiring pussy
lurkerhasarisen 1 1y ago
Came here to say this.
She's interested.
Full stop.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
If your initial plan is actually to go to the museum, do not cancel your museum plans just to hang with her. You've got your own life to live & its never worth compromising for a girl you just met.
What a lot of guys get wrong is trying to rush the escalation/smashing. It comes across as desperate. Play it chill while taking the opportunities given by her, watch her body language and how she responds to you, etc. Escalation happens in baby steps, not one big jump. From her playfully touching your arm when u tease her, to you acting out a story and then touching her as it makes sense in context to the story. You catch her looking at your lips, call her out on it, tease her about it. Then do it to her, laugh, then eventually make out. Its all a gradual process that happens & drinks makes it easier and more socially acceptable in her perspective. You do it like this, and she will interpret it as "it just happened".
My interpretation of your post is: she wants to meet in a cafe during her lunch break because there is a time constraint (in case you're a creep), and its in a public open area in day time (again, in case you're a creep.)
So don't think about escalating just yet. Show her you're a chill guy while also seeing if she fits your standards. You can qualify her and see what she's about over coffee. IF the opportunity arises and the vibes are right, go for it. Don't force shit.
I bang a lot of girls on the first time I meet them for drinks, but sometimes girls won't put out the first date and that's cool. I usually bang by date 2 and if by date 3 they don't put out, I'm out of there. It rarely gets to that as I normally screen out most girls who are exclusively looking for LTR's, and just by seeing my demeanor they know I ain't that type of guy. It doesn't make you any less alpha to bring it to date 2/3. Be calibrated and chill dude. Don't overthink it, its just a girl. You will have other options if you "fuck up", or do anything too socially retarded.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Last thing ill add:
Its good that she rescheduled like that as it shows her willingness to meet up, instead of outright saying she can't make it.
Its always better to sit next to her as it makes for the early stages of escalation easier on both ends. If that can't happen, then sitting diagonal to her is the next best option.
Noonenoname 1y ago
Why Diagonal? That makes me far away. Sounds awkward. Isn't opposite better than diagonal?
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Bro wtf are you saying.
Assuming a rectangle table, the head of the table sits at the end, while he has people diagonal to him. Does that sound awkward to you?
In this situation, I said its the 2nd best option as its closer than being across her. 1st option: beside her.
If she sits first and you sit right beside her, it looks fucking weird and needy especially on a circle table. So sit down first and tell her to sit beside you IF SHE ALREADY KNOWS YOU'RE COOL AND NOT A CREEPY AUTIST.
Were talking about the specifics in tables too much here. Stop sperging about the specifics and just focus on being a chill guy before thinking about escalation so much.
Read my posts in full next time. Use your current social skills to guage the situation.
Noonenoname 1y ago
I don't actually care about the museum it was simply a place to meet her that's very convenient for me and I had success with that venue in the past. In past advise I was told you must kiss a girl on a first date or it's a fail. Do you agree? I'm guessing you wouldn't pay for her stuff right? Let her pay for her own
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Why are you going to a museum you give no fucks about just to meet a girl? Normally I set up dates in places I'm going to be doing things in anyway, and frame it "im going to x place at x time, feel free to join." That way you're never wasting time if a bitch flakes. It also comes from the "i am the prize" frame, and shows your life is not dependent on some girls emotions/decisions. Regardless, the only important thing here besides perception is your own view of yourself in regards to your principles and boundaries.
And those rules about kissing girl on the first date are stupid, not every situation you will get your way. Did you not read my entire post?
Only the socially retarded to go for the kiss no matter what. You need to read the room, you cannot control all factors. This isn't a video-game, this is other people with their own propensities, beliefs, and behaviours. You cannot control that. Independence from outcome. Doesn't matter what happens. To stray from this way of thinking is to be dependent on the outcome, which assumes the frame of needing her validation, being in her frame in order to "make it work no matter what". FUCK THAT.
I personally don't pay for women's drinks and sometimes they even offer to pay for me, but it really depends on you. Some alpha bux dudes truly don't give a fuck about a $5 coffee.
It seems to me you're on the fence about whats "alpha" and whats "beta". There are alpha type dudes that do things that red-pill will advice against, but none of them will break the core tenets of self respect.
You need to get to the bottom line of Red Pill thinking, the core. Not the behaviours. Otherwise you just become a beta trying to act alpha. You need to understand this shit DEEPLY and let it become part of your being, then you won't be asking these questions.
Noonenoname 1y ago
It was a guy on YouTube called Coach Red Pill that said always get a kiss on a first date or you're basically her gay best friend.
Noonenoname 1y ago
I'm staying at home a lot for work so unless I can get a girl to come to my house I have to meet her somewhere. That museum is super close to me and kinda fun so that's why I picked it.
Yes I did read your entire post that's why I asked about it as that advise conflicted with what you said.
When I was in Asia I didn't need to ask these questions as it was easy for me. But I like the idea of getting success in "hard mode" in the UK. Then when I go back to Asia it will be easy x 100. Hence all my questions.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Do you not have any activities outside of work? You can always set up dates around shopping centers when you go do your errands so you hit 2 birds with one stone. You've got plenty of coffee shops around the area. If not, choose a park where you're gonna do your 10,000 steps or whatever. She can join you walking around while talking, sipping on coffee. Just shooting ideas here.
It's not about the location my friend. Yes Asia is easier to the AVERAGE man if you're white, but for white dudes that come to Asia: 99.99999% of them go for the lower socioeconomic women here, meaning they're being used as beta bucks if they're easily manipulated, or if they sleep with you, they're sleeping with you for the off chance they can secure a bag/get pregnant & have you support them and elevate their status as western salaries go way further in asia.
I've been to the UK and attraction wasn't any different. In fact, they're more liberated & westernized meaning sleeping with white girls was actually faster for me on average, compared to asian women.
I've also been to the US and experienced the same. I'm just not treated like a celebrity by the lower socioeconomic women unlike the women in asia. Regardless the mindset always remains the same.
I viewed Coach Red Pill briefly, & if his advice is what you just stated, then you've been given the wrong advice. I've fucked girls who I haven't kissed on the first date. Forcing a kiss just makes you look socially uncalibrated and inexperienced.
If you have as much success as you do in asia, this really shouldn't be an issue for you. But something about your question & your "easy time in asia" rings as either exaggerated or completely false, and I mean no disrespect.
Noonenoname 1y ago
At the moment the only activity is bike riding which I prefer to do alone. I am trying to incorporate approaches into my normal routine when going food shopping etc. That way there is no pressure to approach it's simply 2 birds 1 stone like you said.
I saw a massive positive success difference in asia personally and I didn't spend any money on girls. Easy to get tinder matches etc. Here it's almost impossible to get tinder matches. Part of the reason is because in the UK I live in a crappy small town and in Asia I was in a capital city so already there is tons more opportunity but even with that factored in success was still massively higher in Asia for me.
So massive I missed messaging girls because for the first time in my life I had too many to message them all. Never ever got that in England so I assumed Asia was easy for all western men.
I see it as supply and demand. If lots Asian girls like white guys then there is clearly a huge lack of supply in my favour. Plus they automatically assume a white guy is rich, smart well educated etc.
Honestly I had it easy in Asia. I wasn't going for the super hot women. Maybe average or even below average but it was so easy. Go on tinder in Bangkok = 50 matches. Tinder in my home town 0 matches. Like I said there was other factors at play though it wasn't all down to "Asia magic"
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
You're right about supply and demand. In asia, white men are seen as the prize. This way of thinking is a general facet of whats called "colonial mentality".
Matches on dating apps does not = girl will fuck you. You still need to demonstrate attractive behaviour and have the mentality down.
Look man, you don't have to be the ultimate gigachad alpha that sends women to therapy after they're done, just to get success with women. You just need to be good enough, which the standard is quite low for given most men now are really simpy and validation seeking. Allow yourself to make mistakes, don't treat this girl like she's the last one you'll ever talk to, and gather as much experience as you can. Take nothing personally but rather see it as a learning lesson.
Overloading yourself with all this info will just make you question yourself on the date. Just chill out & have fun, how about that? Then when you get home you can write a field report & analyze where you went wrong, and what you did right.
A good youtuber to watch would be Casey Zander. From what I've seen from him, he's spot on with 99% of things. And the dude is an actual Chad. Don't just take advice from anyone, use your common sense to distinguish what makes sense. Coach red pill looks beta AF, and I would bet he doesn't get any results with women, especially with the advice he just gave you.
Noonenoname 1y ago
Yes I understand that matches doesn't mean they will fuck you. But for comparison in my home town I'd be lucky to get 1 match yet in Asia I get more matches than I can cope with.
Part of the reason is the sneaky tinder algorithm boosts you temporarily when you enter a new country but even with that factored in it's a stark difference.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
It's fine to meet according to her suggestion, you can always take her from there to somewhere more fun.
Sit next to her.
Hamza99 1y ago
I have seen good advice from you on a few posts
OP is sperging over whether the girl giving him alternative logistics(which shows she’s interested in meeting) is a frame break or not.
The thing is, he said “lunch break”, which is 30-60 minutes long ,so he is very unlikely to take her somewhere else “more fun”.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Exactly. You can either do the my way or the high way approach, or have some compromise that doesn't remove from your values.
My way or the high way = alpha.
My way or the high way but if given a proper reason & context, I will compromise if its still relatively convenient = still alpha, but more sex, faster.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
It's good to be in charge, it's good to lead, but it's also good for the girl to be making an investment.
It's so hard to get anything going with a stranger...... let her invest a bit, meet her. What's the alternative? "No, I will not do this thing because you suggested it, we must do what I want instead" ?
Hamza99 1y ago
Bro, we are on the same page.
He SHOULD meet her during coffee break.
He will unlikely be able to location change to somewhere more “fun” because of the time constraint.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Yeah, I'm agreeing with ya
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
OP seems to take advice here as gospel, without filtering out if things make sense.
If the compromise is not completely inconvenient or unreasonable, it is perfectly okay to take suggestions that make things win/win.
Noonenoname 1y ago
Yes I do sometimes have a problem of taking the advise of successful people like you lot as gospel when I shouldn't.
Arcturus 1y ago
Are you fairly young? The only reason I ask is because when I encountered trp I was in my late 20s and had sporadic success with girls learned through just trying ( and often failing). From interacting with women, I'd already connected a few dots so when I started reading trp it just clicked because it filled in the gaps so perfectly. Young guys with this knowledge in hand are going to do so much better than I did in my 20s, but they're still going to fail at times. That's OK. You need to get your ego stomped on a few times so you can realize it's not the end of the world. It makes it easier to not put women on a pedestal, and just start playing with the knowledge here. Some rules are iron-clad, others can bent or occasionally broken. The best way to know is just try it out, and be willing to try again if it doesn't work the first time. You'll get there.
Noonenoname 1y ago
I wish I was young mate I'm in my 30s had no idea about this stuff in my younger years the internet wasn't as useful back then.