Growing up I realized that the kids around me were not going to be around me forever, so instead of networking with them I simply played video games and did what I needed to get A's in school. This continued in college, I played games by myself and did what I needed to for A's. I am a highly intelligent person, but I felt no desire to associate with the spergy high intelligent people or the normal masses. So despite being highly intelligent, my interactions with others were very bad, I would focus solely on the logic and had no expression on my face or emotion in my voice. I always had a couple guys I would talk to and play video games with, but that was the extent of what we did and talked about was the games. So I never really learned how others behave or how to have fun. I saw some old friends and I realized our conversations were not fun at all and we were snoozing around each other. It seems most of the guys I knew are in the same boat, playing video games all day and working shitty jobs, maybe talking to some people on discord.
I got a decent middle class job at a big tech company, but I wasn't sure what I was earning the money for. Did I really need to be working if all I was going to do was play video games and never talk to anyone? So I quit my job with 200k saved up and moved back home. Unfortunately my 200k became 90k, but I'm still living with my parents rent free. I took up playing casino poker as a way to earn some money whenever I felt like doing it.
I think most people are acting in social interactions and the relationships are unspokenly transactional. Recently I've been practicing acting. I'm not sure I have a personality other than no personality. I recently created an alternative persona for myself where I am highly confident. I might even be slightly below average looking (I'm very thin and have a young looking face, but gym maxed), but I've had girls and women smiling at me just from my 'aura' of how I carry myself and move around. I practiced some common lines people say to each other like "How are you" "good" with a confident voice and facial expressions and the reactions are super positive, I've seen people's faces light up when I speak to them.
I've done 6 months of no fap no porn at this point. I'm not feeling motivated to make money or start a business at this point as I don't spend the money I already have and have very little expenses. My days consist mainly of sleeping in as late as I want going to the gym and then either playing poker or video games the whole day.
TLDR: I'm 25yo. So I don't have expenses currently, I don't have a job (previously had a well paid software job), I don't have any close friends (my existing gaming friends bore us in real life), I have no interactions with girls (had a serious problem with porn prior to the current 6 month streak of no fap), no real experience dealing with people or groups of people my entire life. On the positive, I have to be in the top 1-5% of gym goers, have cultivated a confident persona, and believe in my ability to accomplish whatever I want.
I'm not really enjoying life all that much. On the positive I've been extremely disciplined with the gym and no fap, but as someone with almost no social experience unsure where to go from here to make life worth living or if girls/a social life would even make me feel better. I'm not sure I really want a "girlfriend", or dates, or even vanilla sex. I have been turned on by the idea of physically and mentally dominating a girl though.
I think I just feel kind of numb in the head most of the time.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Pro tip: get a life. Take up responsibilities, get a hobby where being social is at least a byproduct, perhaps help others. You'll figure out what you want along that road. Right now you're just a nobody. No wonder your life feels empty; it is.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
What's your question?
Keep going to gym, get a job, make friends, then talk to women after you do those 3 things
User4566 1y ago
I’m in the same exact boat. You can read on my post history, it felt like I wrote this post myself when I read it minus the software job.
I don’t know the answers because I’m in the exact same boat. I went back to my hometown yesterday from college and there was a bar right next to the train station, soon as I got off, I went right in and just found an open seat at the bar. I was sitting next to 2 guys on either side of me and they were older than me (I’m 24) and I started drinking my usually shots of whiskey.
The guy next to me looked like he was in his 40s and he wasn’t talking to anyone and simply just looked a little depressed. He was eating some salad with shrimp in it or something so I started talking to him about that, he was delighted to have someone talk to him as he started smiling. We chatted for a few minutes about the place and how cold it’s getting, then my uber came and I told him to have a nice night. Soon as I got up to leave, an entire table of women (30s) shamelessly look at me as I get up and head for the door.
I know I don’t have the answers to your intricate life struggles but I think it would help if you got outside and went to places where people are open to talking. It felt good to go to a bar without any intention of picking up chicks and simply being friendly to those who look like they needed to be reminded that the world doesn’t suck dick all the time. It made me feel really good knowing that I may have put that man in a better mood and gave him a chance to talk to someone and be noticed. I know how it feels to be alone and alienated from the world. It pains me to see other people that way so I try to make them feel included.
I digress: I think you should try putting yourself in social situations that way people (especially girls) will be much more open to meet you. I have to emphasize that I’m much like you, so I don’t have the 100%-or-your-money-back guarantee of a solution to your problems but maybe this is a good first step.
Edit: The most social I found people to be are at parties, bars, concerts (especially basement or bar shows), clubs, sometimes the gym, wineries, coffee shops where you can sit down, etc.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
I asked a councilor recently what the main issue was with young people. His answer surprsied me. He said one word ...'Isolation'. I though he was going to say drugs. But no, it's isolation.
You grew up in a very different age to what i grew up in (I'm 52) and I don't pretend to fully understand your culture, but it sounds to me that you have crisis of meaning. And it sounds like you are using (and have a long history of using) computer games as a way to numb the pain of existentialist dread. I don't blame you. A lack of meaning is terrifying. It causes some people kill themselves.
You are doing some things right - taking care of yourself etc. But you need to take immediate steps to make your life better. A young man should not be sleeping in, go to the guy now and then, and then play computer games. That is a slow death.
Tell me - what is your plan?
User4566 1y ago
I had a talk with my dad about this the other night. He’s 62 and he told me when he was a child, his parents would lock him out of the house and say “come back at 5 for dinner and go make some friends”. He said that kids would ride their bikes around the neighborhood alone until they found a new friend. Maybe it was with the kids who were playing stick ball, burning ants with magnifying glasses, or something retarded like that. But he tells me that kids now aren’t out and about anymore because of video game addiction and there’s a lot of people out there who are just like those kids who would ride on their bikes alone back in his day. There’s also a big scare of child abduction and what not which got parents really spooked. I’m all for keeping kids safe but that doesn’t mean they should be isolated from the outside world. I also fell into the trap of video-game addiction because I didn’t know any better until years later I realized that maybe instead of going straight home to play video-games every day after school, I should try to play basketball with the other kids.
I’m only 24 but I remember when people actually gave a crap about what was going on in the world in front of them. I’m in college and the amount of socializing I see on campus or in class is slim to none unless it’s people who are in established friendships. Many of the girls I’ve approached have told me that I was the FIRST GUY to ever approach them in college (outside of parties and bars). People my age simply don’t engage with each other unless it’s through the fucking phone.
That’s it. Right there. A lack of meaning and a lack of community is what us youngsters are dealing with.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
Thanks for sharing. If you like reading, try 'Thunderbolt Kid' by Bill Bryson. The first few chapters explain what it was like to grow up in the 1960s in the USA. Total freedom for children to ranger around the neighbourhood. Things have changed so much.
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TRPDuryodhana 1y ago
wtf is this lol
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mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Ok, what do you want?
Matthew 1y ago
Right now and for most of my life I have not felt good. I had severe anxiety and depression until a few years ago. I dealt with it mainly by playing video games all day and jacking off to hardcore porn a couple times a day. I feel awful after a day of playing video games like my head hurts. However since other people don't really care about each other/me there's no real reason to form "friends" or "girlfriends". However I still believe great pleasure could be experienced during sex, especially sex where I get to feel powerful. That's why I like video games so much, I can take out 99% of the playerbase in League of Legends with ease from the comfort of my own home with no real effort required. I get to be dominant and experience power.
I think I have a good basic understanding of how a powerful man looks and acts especially during sex, but I'm fuzzy on the details of getting there. Keep in mind I haven't had fun conversations my entire life cause I've been gaming so I don't know the first thing about it. I've had many girls interested in me, giving me big smiles, doing double takes, positioning themselves right in front of me, making excuses to talk/touch me etc. Their interest is based on my appearance (especially at gym where I wear a muscle shirt), but a lot of it is based on my high confidence controlled persona. I think I could handle the actual sex part fairly easily of physically and mentally dominating them. I suppose more details about how to go from meeting a girl in different locations and leading to same day sex would be good. For example if they are already attracted cause they see I'm feeling powerful a) say hello b) ask her how shes doing and what shes up to later c) say "here's an idea let's do x together and have some fun what do you say" d) tell her the seats are broken and we'll have to check out the back seats of the car, depending on her reaction fuck her then e) if she's not ready go to the smoothie or whatever location. Ask her questions about herself and make her feel emotions with my responses "wow I knew you were that kind of girl" etc. f) tell her we are having fun and she has to come back to my place to see x g) ... etc It's all so confusing to me cause I've never done it before and one bad move and all of a sudden could be facing allegations like if touch her shoulder the wrong way with the wrong emotions or something so it would be best to have a general plan for each situation to lead to ASAP kinky casual sex. This could all be learned through dozens of failures, but shouldn't the general recipe more or less be known at this point for producing the desired result of getting her to have kinky casual sex? Especially when a failure comes at great personal risk.
Cause that's how I have to think about the situations cause I don't feel much social emotions since I've been isolated. If I were to simply be myself I would sit there empty and say nothing and look at no one. I have to consciously think about how to act in order to get the desired result and I don't have the years of experience others have in manipulating situations to their desired results on autopilot. That's why I would be interested in dominating a woman cause I think it would cause me to feel something.
IDK I'm also somewhat concerned I'll be in the same spot mentally/life wise as soon as I achieve this goal of kinky casual sex with multiple girls but it's what I want to try at the moment.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
It's rare that I say this, but in your case I really feel you've got some growing up to do before the whole girls/sex thing. Make friends, have fun, build a life - that sort of thing. You don't sound ready for women.
Matthew 1y ago
I feel like my chance to have sex and fun is slipping away from me I'm 25 years old already.
User4566 1y ago
Not true. I’m 24 and I realize that most people in their early 20s are BROKE so it’s almost impossible to be constantly doing fun stuff all the time.