I'm dating a girl from our friend group for 3 weeks now. She's 5 years younger than me, and when we started dating she told me "I need boundaries because I haven't been in a relationship for a while, so if something upsets you or you don't want me doing something let me know."
Woke up this morning to a picture from her at 4:30am of the DJ's visuals that said "if she's at (club name) focus on yourself homie." I sent a skull emoji and asked who's playing, kept it neutral and non-reactive.
Its hard to tell what the fuck is going on. Is this a shit test? Did she think it was funny, because earlier that day we got tickets and made plans to see a show at that exact club next month? I'm not even sure how I feel about this situation, other than irritated (also quit smoking yesterday so maybe that's not helping either).
Previously when I dated girls they were really good about telling me where they're going, who they're with, and when they got home. I would also be very vocal about shit that bothered me with those girls and they were understanding, they'd share their location so I knew they're safe when I got up, especially since I'm not the going out type and prefer to sleep early and hit the gym in the AM.
What would you do?
coolsocks00 1 8mo ago
She just shut the LTR-door on herself and is now in the forever-plate to FWB category.
Is it a shit test? What does she really mean? Does it really matter bro? She's not your type, and you cant change em.
You mean she's been your plate for 3 weeks. When you start with this kinda language and they tell you they need boundaries from you, they're already expecting you to be loyal and simp for them.
Some girls even get off on hoeing around and creating drama for insecure guys in this "early relationship" stage
Notorious 8mo ago
Yeah, I see what you’re saying. Me and this girl were friends before and became exclusive, and if she sent that to me as her friend I wouldn’t think twice about it. Now that the playing field has changed that’s definitely disrespectful.
coolsocks00 1 8mo ago
Obviously you mucked up by going exclusive without a trial period. Stick to your boundaries, dont let her bend them (she sounds like a brat), DARE, dont DEER.
Most importantantly maintain an abundance mindset. Dont get too invested.
Notorious 8mo ago
I agree...I fucked up going exclusive.
She just texted me "I just landed...if you care :(" since I've been ignoring her all day after her fuck up. Which of the DARE would you use?
coolsocks00 1 8mo ago
She's not really engaging you there so the examples of DARE might not help.
DARE is various forms of reframing. Girls routinely try to set destructive frames that you need to change. This is leading in practice.
Best answers always depend on your specific relationship dynamic.
"Lol. Busy day. Did you buy that lingerie set i told you about?"
Step one, you're not validating her sorry state of mind. Step two, you're changing the topic.
The topic change doesnt have to be sexual, it doesnt have to be serious, it doesnt even have to make any god damn sense.
You could send the above without actually having talked about lingerie before. If she asks what you mean you just obfuscate or change topics again. Shit's not supposed to be serious or logical, it's about changing their feels.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 8mo ago
Aslo girls don't have "boundaries" for Chad, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've had several girls give me the "boundaries" line before, which is either some stupid feminist or rape victim womanese or they don't have genuine desire.
They summarily were shown the door not long after using those lines.
Notorious 8mo ago
I think you misunderstood what I meant by the boundaries line.
She’s specifically told me “I want to please you. If I’m doing something that you don’t like let me know and I won’t do it.”
For example, we were walking down the street from an bar and some guy was blasting a song she likes from his boombox. He stopped while she danced to it and then she hugged this stranger.. soon as she did that I kept walking and she ran after me. She knew she fucked up when I told her “if you want to be with me don’t ever do that.”
She said that was insanely hot and that she’s so happy I handled the situation like that, led to freaky sex half hour later when we got home.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 8mo ago
My bad
Well from everything you've said like this girl sounds like a child you'd have to constantly have on a leash. I wouldn't have any time for that. Go for a woman who on her own doesn't have to be constantly told what is not okay
Notorious 8mo ago
Yeah I agree with you...she's childish that is going to be exhausting. She has good values, good family who I've met, and I'm not worried about her leaching off of me since we're both medical students. But I'm too old to be playing these games.
Testme 8mo ago
I would probably characterize that as a test. If she was going there to fuck some other guy, then she would not be sending pictures of it to you, would she?
Maybe she wants to see if you are jealous or controlling. Just keep your cool and ignore it for now.
Notorious 8mo ago
That’s what I was thinking. She texted me the name of the DJ when she woke up (I asked) and I didn’t reply…She texted me again saying she missed me but I’m not even sure what to say to her.
Part of me wants to say “put yourself in my shoes…you wake up and see just that no context at 4:30am” and another part of me doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of me.
The only thing I know is that in previous encounters she gets insanely turned on if I’m territorial because she is the same and she’s very open about it.
EurasianChad 1 8mo ago
Don't take this girl seriously, obviously. She shows hoe-like behavior and probably isn't very hard to sleep with.
She also acts like a kid based on your other comments. For recreational use only, you can even tell her that and maybe she'll question if it's a shit test with her girl group chat lol
financehardo420 8mo ago
“Woke up this morning to a picture from her at 4:30am of the DJ's visuals that said "if she's at (club name) focus on yourself homie."”
take the DJ’s advice homie. No good girl is out and about @ 4:30am shawty is for the skreets give her back to us already
[deleted] 8mo ago
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