Hello everyone,
So my story is that I got a really good job in another country, the kind that could make my career but will be a long-term move. Unfortunately, my gf isn't too keen on moving with me to this other country. We've had quite a few talks about how we could compromise and make things work nothing has been conclusive.
We've reached to a point where I told her I'm willing to stay together if she moves with me but I've made it clear that I will absolutely not do long distance, whereas she most likely will want to leave the country at some point in the future, but she isn't ready right now but is open to long distance. As per our last discussion earlier tonight, we've decided to take the night to ourselves and think about things. However, I have a very strong feeling that she will tell me tomorrow morning that she can't make the move and will want to break up.
While I probably sound calm enough in this post, I'm actually pretty heartbroken. I saw a future with this girl and I know I'm not thinking clearly right now. I think I just need some reinforcement, someone to remind how to maintain frame tomorrow so I don't breakdown. Do I even bother trying to convince her to come with me? I feel like I've already messed up by putting this decision in her hands and I don't want to lose any further respect.
I appreciate any words of advice. I know this all probably sounds stupid and like a kid's problem but I don't have a lot of redpill support in my life.
RiverChill41 1y ago
DO IT! You can always move back home later if it's not what you wanted.
Great. Have her give you a call when she's ready and reassess.
5 months together is a pretty short time to get swept away to another country, I can understand not wanting to make that jump. You set a decent foundation saying you won't do an LDR. If she doesn't want to make the move then you should agree to cut the relationship off at some point if she's not ready.
It's totally fine to be heartbroken and it sucks. It doesn't have to be traumatic, you can appreciate the time you had together and move forward with grace.
She may be a good woman, but the timing isn't right for that future to exist. What could have been is an extrapolation and doesn't actually hold any value in the here and now, despite how it feels.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Your purpose > women. No girl is irreplaceable. You don't feel this because you've been in a committed relationship.
If you stay, she'll know she has full control of you. You're the fucking man. You're the one in charge. Youre the one who's supposed to make the hard decisions. Logic must always triumph over emotion, as at the end of your emotions is NOTHING.
If she doesn't move with you, fair enough. This is a big life decision that you can't force anyone to make. You're absolutely right in not wanting to do LDR.
meganfost18 1y ago
I don't think staying is an option. I have some leeway on when I move, so I guess I also should've asked how much time should I spend trying to convince her? If she tells me tomorrow that she can't make the move or she's still unsure, do I even bother trying to talk to her more about it or just end things since it's inevitable?
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Your way or the highway g.
Lay it out simply and calmly. I've got to make this move as it is what will further my life. As much as I love being with you, I will be making this move with or without you. The choice is yours as mine has already been made.
You lay out the cards. She either chooses to be your 1st mate or abandon ship.
I don't wanna give you advice on whether or not you should end it now or end it in the airport before you leave, but what I would do is start mentally checking myself out of the relationship and accepting the hurt, but realizing that this pain is what's necessary to progress further into what's most important, your mission & your purpose. Good luck
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
This is extremely difficult to replace and your long term security and value will shoot up as a result of it
This is less valuable than what you just obtained. If she's not willing to move what do you think that implies for how she views you as a long term prospect? It's a bit important to be saying how long you've been with a woman in your posts i can't tell but either way your mission is more important by a long shot
Imagine this scenario:
You don't move, you stay with her in your country, she dumps you or cheats on you, and then you also don't have that great job. Now what?
Your job and mission are thus more important and should be anyway. If she chooses not to move with you, cash in on the good job and find yourself an upgrade with your increased experience and RMV.
You don't need her if this is her mindset. She doesn't sound ready or willing to follow a valuable man on his mission, if so take it as a bullet dodged and find a more committable upgrade
Edit: lots of typos
meganfost18 1y ago Stickied
Thanks for your comment. Sorry for not providing more background, didn't want to make everyone read a wall of text.
I've basically been single since 2018. Had two LTRs before that. I've spun plates until I met this current girl 5 months ago and we've been together since. I'm very selective with my relationships and that's what has me tripped up, I feel like I've found a gem and it's tough to let that go. I wish there was a way to convince her.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
All good man, Minor contextual details won't result in a wall of text
Ah man that's nothing. Here I was thinking this was some 3+ year LTR you were torn over losing. You're projecting the longevity of this LTR based on expectations and honesty man 5 months isn't long
You'll be fine man, you can clearly get sum. You'll find upgrades.
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