I've been dating this girl I've met on Tinder for 4 months now. I'm 32 and she is 33 and we had a pretty good time so far with some arguments here and there. I've went through some rough time this year like another breakup and lost a job (that I hate but still) and her warmth and nurture is something I really enjoy. She likes to cook and clean, has a good job, we have a good sex etc. She isn't a beauty but she is cute to me. She also told me that she love me and that she wants family and all with me.
So here is the issue. From the start I wanted us to be honest about everything and that also includes number of partners. I was completely honest with her and was expecting the same from her. So she told me that she had 5 sexual partners all from the relationships and that she never had sex if she wasn't dating someone. So I asked her this question many times because I always felt like she wasn't telling me the truth but she would always say to me that it was the truth. So few days ago we had an argument on another topic and this also came up and I asked her the same question and she gave me the same answer. Then I asked her to swore on her nephew that she loves and she said that actually there was another guy that she met on Tinder and had sex. And I asked her again if that was the truth and she said yes that is all. Fast forward 10 minutes and she tells me that actually there were 4 guys in total that she met on Tinder and had sex without being in a relationship. So in total, as of now, she slept with 9 guys. I was so fucking angry and betrayed that I just left after some yelling. Next few days when she wanted to speak I would tell her horrible things and insults mainly because she was lying to me this whole time and painting a picture of her that is not true.
So I want to ask for your opinion on all of this and what would you do in this situation. I don't know what hurts me more, the fact that she lied to me all this time about something that she knows is important to me or the fact that now I have these thoughts in my head about some random fucking dudes fucking her, every time I think of her.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
You ask
"What should I do with this girl "
and they you write
"I'm 32 and she is 33"
You need to dump right now, complete ghost, block and delete and move on.
This is not her fault. This is your fault. Expecting a woman of 33 to have a body count of 5 is just mad. And she now revised that to 9. I would be surprised if it were 9. When you see if from the other side of the pitch, when you see how easily ordinary girls give it up, there is no way that her number is 9.
if you are 32, you should be looking for girls aged 21.
neo69 1y ago
Thanks for the reply. I see your point but my issue was I trusted her and her word. I would expect anything but once she told me the number I assumed that was the truth even though I think I never really believed it because I continue to ask her the same question. So maybe I just wanted to believe it. As for dating 21 year old girls, I just don't think that I have what it needs to attract them, to be honest. I think on my pictures I look like a nice guy and a softie, and I can't approach girls irl to save my life so not sure what to do.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
You're selling yourself short if you think you don't have what it take to attract a 21 year old girl. There are many kinds of 21 year old girls.
A 21 year old slut that wants to 'find herself' (have sex with as many chads as possible) and then settle down at 32? Yeah, forget about those.
A 21 year old girl that wants to settle down right now and start a family? You have exactly what she needs - bear in mind that the 21 year old guys that she meets are not suitable for marriage.
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RiverChill41 1y ago
N-count is an indicator, not a guarantee. Don't be so pressed.
One of my female friends has an N-count of 40+ and has been faithfully married to the same man for 15 years. Women lie about it. They know many wouldn't even engage with them if they knew the truth. Her options in talking with you were a) lie about something you can't prove and be seen in a better light, or b) tell you the truth and have you lose your mind. You say she wants to start a family with you so she's not going to let something as arbitrary in her mind like n-count get in the way.
Look at her behavior, it's more telling than her number. Is her place/car clean? Does she have female friends to confide in? Does she talk about her past in a positive or negative light? How much work does she put in to keep you around? How does she compliment your life? Are you a good leader in your relationship? If not, it won't even matter.
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 1y ago
“is her place/car clean” is such an understated way to get a good read on a chick.
cheat code fr
neo69 1y ago
She has a very clean and nice place and a clean car. She actually hates when her apartment is not clean. She also has a best female friend and 2 gay male friends which isn't really common in our country. I think her attitude towards lying might partly come from one of those gay friends because she used to lie for them not being gay.
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Edit: i think a special character I had in here kept fucking up my post answer, here it is again
So she withholds the number of partners she has and then the amount of So she withholds the number of partners she has and then the amount of casual partners she's had is also coincidentally lower than the amount of relationships she's had by 1? Hmmm
This girl has had sex with 4 guys from tinder and you, who also met her on tinder. She doesn't seem to have qualms about hooking up on a hookup app and I near gaurantee that she knows that when she starts swiping she'll be fucking at least one of the men she swipes on rather than thinking sex my happen if she meets the right guy
.
That being said, don't outright ask a woman for her body count. You beta negotiated honesty about that expecting an honest answer. Women don't deal in honesty, they assess the possible consequences of their truthfulness and give womanese answers instead like "I've had sex in 5 relationships" (technically true but substance of the answer is misleading to the question asked of her)
If you want honest answers out of women on sexual topics, you need to have a nonjudgmental (but not enabling) attitude about human sexuality. Kind of like an "I've had sex before I'm not a saint either" attitude, rather
The purpose of this nonjudgmental is to make them think you're different and they'll start telling on themselves. Slowly mentioning sex stories etc. They'll keep telling on themselves until they finally say something you can't stomach in her past and if they do you don't make a big deal out of it, you cut your losses or keep her as a FWB. Vetting takes months and you tried to insta vet by forcing an answer she was going to lie about
neo69 1y ago
Thank you, that is a really good advice. I see now how I should have approached this differently. Maybe ask her after we had a good sex, in a fun playful way and not like I'm about to decide if she is going to heaven or hell. I we continue to date I will try this a bit later in the future. I have a feeling she didn't tell me the truth. I will probably die even more inside but I need to know the truth, that is how I am.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
The truth is she didn't tell you everything. I'm pretty sure the girl i did everything but sex with a couple weeks ago won't count me either when she talks about her n count to future partners
My point is. The truth is irrelevant. She should just be recreational use at best now. Keep fucking her and look for better relationship perspects
I'm not saying to deliberately look for a relationship, because that's the woman's job, but look for other prospects that are more conductive to being relationship quality if that's what you're after
neo69 1y ago
That is hard for me to do because I'm emotionally attached to her and it would feel like cheating. I wouldn't want her to fuck some other guy also. At the same time I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't be with her because she lied to me and pretended that she was a type of "innocent" girl that she wasn't. I can't deal with the fact that she was ok with just fucking some random dudes knowing that it wont grow into relationship. I'm also afraid that I will be hurt even more in the future. Just today I've found out that she actually didn't only fuck guys because she thought it might lead to a relationship, she actually knew with one guy that it will never grow into a relationship and she kept fucking him for more then a year. I think if I keep dating her it will just be more hurt and misery for me.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
This is called "trickle truth". The lies gradually come out one at a time.
It's up to you. Try and build a life with a liar if you want. Eventually you'll discover that 9 is a lie too.
neo69 1y ago
Thanks for the reply. That is exactly what I've thought. I was really thinking of breaking up with her but I'm really enjoying spending time and having fun with her so I told her that the relationship that we had is over and its probably never going to be like that. At the same time I just didn't want to break up yet so I told her its up to her to decide but I will treat her differently. There were a lot of tears and bs, but she decided that she also doesn't want to break up. So I will see how it goes.
What bothers me the most is I still have a feeling that she is lying to me. Maybe I should have just stayed virgin for life, things would be less complicated.
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 1y ago
bro your first mistake is considering a tinder chick wifey/LTR material. Tinder broads are for recreational use only.
second mistake is thinking you “love” this bitch you’ve known for 4 months of your 32 years of age. Ofc she wants to start a family w you… she’s past the wall age. Find you a nice pair of 21 yo titties to suck on instead.
3rd mistake is discussing n count/showing anger. Could have at least casually plated this broad and lived rent free 4L.
4th mistake is going on tinder for pussy instead of going out into the real world smh.
neo69 1y ago
Thanks for the reply, you make good points. I lost virginity at 30, so basically any girl that knows how to give me affection and warmth, i fall in love with and that is my problem. This girl has a really soft and tender side and knows how to nurture me, so of course, I got attached to her like an idiot.
I don't know what it is exactly, but I really have some barrier in my mind about dating attractive younger women. Its like I feel ashamed of the idea of me trying to seduce them, as in I don't deserve them and if people around us see that I'm trying to talk to them they will be offended and try to stop me. Its really weird, but I even feel bad just keeping an eye contact with them.
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SeasonedRP 1 1y ago
I do not for the life of me why guys ask these questions and expect full disclosure. And it makes them look like an insecure guy who struggles to get women. It's a subject best avoided. Learn to read the signs and identify sluts that way instead of the way you handled it which makes you look weak.
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