I'll make a post about it one day. Hopefully soon

Remind me of i don't. I know this isn't a real answer but just remind me. I've had to successfully let go of some fucked up shit before so just remind me

I can try to give a cliff notes answer later today but it won't do the same justice

You can get there, but it will take time and for every two steps forward there might be half a step back. It's a long process, but reading your post.

Remind yourself how far you've come. You might also have a form of PTSD due to being bullied and ignored, and this has ultimately shaped your view and self-esteem.

Self-confidence and esteem are very hard things to build up, especially if you have been builled or treated badly, BUT it can be achieved.

Start keeping a diary - some days you won't need to write much, and you don't need to write every day ''Today I went to the gym it was good,'' but more when you are feeling down, depressed, anxious - start writing, and don't bring yourself down if you do something you aren't proud of (or something you think later down the line, you could have handled better) write it all down - then write down how you can/would have dealt with it better. Keep doing this.

As for not feeling as good as others. I've struggled with this in the past too. Most people are stupid, idiots even. Most people live dull, uninteresting lives and they too are filled with self-doubt, ego, anxiety yet many can hide this well.

Forget all those pricks from high school. The older the get and the further you move away, the less and less you'll see of them. If you keep working out, keep your mind healthy, you will see those bullies from high school in ten years and realise how better you are than them.

Embrace your quirkiness too, if you are charismatic, engaging, and with the help of being in shape/looking after yourself - people will be drawn to you, especially the older you get. When people hit their 30s, they almost give up. You'll be the most interesting man in the room.

It's hard work though, and there will be times of self-doubt, but get in to the habit of speaking to everyone. Old, young, ugly, sexy. Slow, steady and decisive steps when making decisions and walking about town.

Let's look at one or two of your bullies at school. I bet you are now in better shape, fitter, and more interesting than they ever were. Just remember that! You might have been goofed on in high school, but this isn't high school and if anything the joke is on them - they'll just get fatter, depressed, older and stale whilst you reivent yourself and live your best life.

Keep going dude, I was like alpha until I was 25 then sunk into a big hole for about 10 years and finally coming out of it. I am 40 now, all my friends from high school are lazy, dumbing down, and out of shape. I've had a few comments, one even called me vain ''no one works out at 40, get over it,'' he said - a 5'5 180 pounds who does a job he hates and been with one woman his whole life. These comments mean absolutely nothing, because you know once you get out that small town or suburb you grew up in, you'll meet people who find you very interesting.

I'm rambling on a bit, but honestly, just keep going. Keep improving. If you struggle with social interactions, start volunteering once a week or join a sports club. When it comes to talking, less is more, be approachable, friendly and people will be drawn to you.

As you get older, you'll see the jocks and Britney's from high school turn in to old, depressed, misery guts. You won't!

Forgive yourself. I don't know your background, but you likely didn't get the help you needed to have a sense of self worth. This is not your fault. You call yourself a loser, but I'd really doubt that. You probably did better than most people who was in a similar situation. You're also seeking out ways to change your situation, and that's a sign of strength. So stop calling yourself a loser, because you aren't. A loser would just give up. You have been in a tough spot, and recovering from an experience like this takes time.

This is a good question and I have some things to say that might lead you to answering this yourself. Someone once said something to me which sums up where I think you need to start looking and that is:

"Comparison is the thief of joy"

Now just saying this without understanding it means nothing so I will try and explain philosophically.

To compare two things, one must have full, unequivocal knowledge of both, otherwise a fair comparison can not be made. I will use an analogy of a car to explain my point. When comparing two cars to purchase, you need to have equal and full knowledge of both before making a decision. e.g. their prices, their features, warranty, servicing etc. A comparison could not be made if you knew the price and warranty of Car A, but only knew the features of Car B.

This applies when comparing humans and the human experience. From a philosophical point of view, it has always been held that comparisons between people are useless due to the fact that one person can never have full, unequivocal knowledge of another persons life and context, e.g. upbringing, exposure to things, thoughts, opportunities, decisions, health. All these "features" of a person need to be known before a true comparison can be made between two humans. And as it is impossible to know the full "features" of anyone, a comparison can never and should never be made as it is not truth, deludes the individual and steers them in the wrong direction.

"Whenever I go to bars or parties, I always feel like everyone is simply BETTER than me. They have lives and social media, friends, parties, memories."

See here you are making a comparison, a false comparison between yourself and others which is leading you into the negative. When you see an individual at a bar, you have no factual idea what these individuals have been through in their life, their upbringing, their past memories, whether they are even happy or not. You look and make assumptions about everyone else around you based on imagination. This is the lowest level of thought. I guarantee you don't even know half the things about your best friend, your mum or your dad or their entire life, thoughts, exposures upbringing. Therefore, how can you compare yourself to them, let alone randoms at a bar? For all you know, they are looking at you, this tall, intimidating tough guy (as you described yourself) and they are jealous of you.

The point I come to now is that everyone is unique in this world and therefore cannot be compared to each other. And it is this which should give you immense excitement, confidence and happiness knowing that there is only one of you.

You were a kiss-less friendless 18-year old virgin? I know guys who where kiss-less friendless 23-year old virgins who now at 35 and are pulling way more ass than any of their player friends at high school could have dreamed of.

Stop framing yourself as this "kiss-less, friendless,18-year old virgin ADD, OCD, special ed loser" who is now a "loner but tough guy". See you are framing yourself compared to others as this will make you miserable. Kiss-less, friend-less compared to who? Guys who kissed and had friends? You are just a guy my man with different experiences to others. No-one else gives a single fuck about your past, you are the only one who does.

Philosophically speaking, the only valid comparisons that can be made in individuals are within individuals themselves. It is in fact healthy to compare yourself today as to who you were 5/10/15 years ago and see if you have become a better person and have better habits, thoughts and decision making. If so, you are on the right track. If not, you need to readjust your lifestyle. These are the only philosophical valid comparisons that are both healthy and logical in nature due to you having full knowledge and truth about your own experience.