I'll keep this short and sweet because I'm feeling lost as hell right now.
In the past 14 days, I've gotten teary-eyed 5 times thinking about my life. Damn near cried at the library today.
I recently turned 21. I have few friends, none at my university. I'm a third year bioinformatics student, about to graduate. There's few people I greet omw to classes, even people I talk to in class. But I hang out with none of them outside school hours and I probably won't talk to them once I leave.
Even though I've been working out consistently for a few months now (and on and off for years before that), I'm coming to terms with the fact that I might be ugly. Looking at my historic of girls, it is not pretty. First was a rough milf, then an ugly girl that I kept as a plate, although I did all my possible to avoid being seen with her and public. Then 2-3 more girls, all didn't want to blow me. That seems to be the best I can do.
I don't even make eye contact with people anymore, unless I'm talking to them. Use to try and have my gaze meet pretty girls', not even anymore. I don't want hope, I don't want any of that chit. I try talking to girls in class but the convo goes stale after a few minutes and they avoid me after.
I don't go out that often, don't got many friends really or none of them can introduce me to girls.
There are so many conflicting lines of thought in my head. I've been deliberately walking my head high, not looking at anyone's eyes in the crowd. I feel like I just don't care anymore. Like I've given up on ever enjoying the college experience.
Yet, when I overhear chicks talking bout some guy or their situationship or whatnot, I feel angry but also hollow because I have the nagging impression that I will simply never experience that life.
I don't know where I am at, I do not know where to go from here but I do have the impression I'm not high on the social ladder. And I don't know if I feel like climbing, if my ceiling are HB5s that won't even blow me. Yeah I lied the post was long.
Problematic_Browser 1 2y ago
You are at the bottom.
Why?
Because you're only 21 and you're in the building stage of your life.
Women don't want men who aren't winners. That's why they usually wait at the finish line. Don't let it get to you.
timmytaliban 2y ago
Look at it this way. At 21, you are still relatively at the bottom of the sexual market place. Your analysis that you are at the bottom of the ladder is accurate but for all the wrong reasons.
I think even if truly are ugly, you’re no where near the end of the world. I know plenty of Zach Galifiankis looking mfers who are decent socially and seem to be in the position you wish you were in. Go make some guy friends, join a club or something.
Keep making progress and in 2-3 years from now you’ll be laughing at your former self for thinking this way
lurkerhasarisen 1 2y ago
Duuuuude, you're only 21. When I was 21 I had a lifetime total of three chicks I would classify as girlfriends. One was a gawky chick who towered over me (she was nice, but we had very little chemistry), one was a "Nice Girl" who was fairly attractive but had a problem acting respectfully until I called her on it, and the third was a turboslut who tried to give me herpes (fortunately I was voluntarily celibate)... and then proposed marriage (I declined).
You lack perspective. It's not your fault that you lack perspective, but you can fix it. Learn from those of us who have gone through this sort of thing. Trust us... things are not nearly as bad as you think. They are certainly nowhere near hopeless.
Problematic_Browser 1 2y ago
TURBO SLUUUUUT!
I laughed because I use that term
AsianDude 2y ago
Focus on your final year and get the best internship and GPA you can. Then find a good bioinformatics or similar job. Grind another 5 years for your career and save some $$. With $$ comes options.
Trust me, looks don't matter that much. I got some ok girls while in college, but after I gained 30kg of fats in my 30s and $$ in the bank. I started getting even better girls.
No-Stress-Cat 2y ago
There's no rule that states you're banned from the campus once you graduate. Got some spare time to hang out, go do day game around campus. As long as you're young enough to not look like you're and old fart creeping on little girls, throw a couple books and some note pads in your backpack, and have at it.
Also, I didn't get my first lay until I was almost 23.