So here I am in the last year of my uni studies (comp sci). No friends within the school, just a few acquaintances I talk to when I'm at the library or something but no more. I defo missed out on the uni experience, that makes me feel like ass.
I can't stop looking at people. In the metro, on the way to class, in class, at the library when I'm trying to get work done. And I basically look at people only to spot people (especially girls) looking at me. If I were to engage in actual conversation, I can't hold eye contact 80% of the time. And I hate looking at people and seeing mixed groups socializing, having fun because I am not in all that. I'm simply looking from the outside in. So I'm trying to be more outgoing, have people know me as a social guy.
But it's conflicting ideas in my head right now: One side of me wants to be the social butterfly, talking to everyone and all that but the other side simply doesn't want to look at anyone: instead of having my eyes dart around the room every time, I wanna walk in the street without looking at anyone, be in class without looking at anyone. I feel like walking without making eye contact with any stranger would make me look unapproachable, especially when I'm here trying to grow my social circle.
So yeah, that. As you have guessed it, I'm not doing too good with girls either. I get a pretty good number/quality of matches on Hinge but without fail, every time they add me on instagram, they ghost. The worst part is, the same happens with girls I see in real life! Last Friday, I walked up to a girl at the school gym (insane gamble), made her laugh a bit and she gave me her ig. When I texted, she kept taking longer and longer to respond until I offered a date, she denied and didn't reschedule. Also happened with a girl I met the same Friday at a party. She was feeling me, got her ig because I had to bounce. I texted her the next day, a few messages here and there and boom, she ghosted as well.
TLDR; 1-I keep scanning my environment to see if people (girls) are checking me out. How to stop looking at people all the time without looking like some unapproachable, antisocial guy? (tryna be more social after all)
2-Can someone come in private give me feedback about my instagram? I have a decent enough profile but something on it makes girls flee, whether it be from in person or online dating
Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
this sounds like a severe case of 'over thinking'. I am not being rude or offensive, but it sounds to me like you are quite stressed out, and need to relax. There may be some anxiety or something like that in the mix, which is a bit more than what you would expect in a normal person.
I am certainly NOT attacking you dude, but I would try and talk to a therpist about this. Just tell them what you have written here. Lots of people experience social anxiety - its all a question of degree. If it becomes debilitiating, then it really makes sense to do something about it, and it does seem that you need to do something about it.
Ps. Don't worry about your insta - controlling your social anxiety and paranoia is far more important. The good news is that there is plenty of non-pharma ways of dealing with anxiety and paranoia .
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I can look at your insta
As an admin I'm verified trusted by site owner
I can answer the rest later
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I have no idea. Probably someone who disagrees with my being an admin