Hello brothers. Recently, a former co-worker started hanging out with my friends' group and while tipsy she mentioned she likes me for the past year or so. I'm known as the charming asshole around the office but obviously I'd never shit were I eat. But now I'm in a new job and she's a really fun 23 year-old HB8+ so I played along and playfully told her my other girls would not like this at all. A week later we go out together and end up at my place. But when I try to escalate she mentions her boyfriend of 2+ years and even though "they have problems, rarely have sex and are on the verge of a breakup, she still cares for him and it wouldn't be right to cheat". LMR, I know, but I was taken aback at the time so I didn't push further.
Flash forward some days later, she hits me up to tell me they broke up so we go out again, end up at her place, some kissing and foreplay follows, I make her cum twice in the process but she stops me just before sex. I foolishly thought this is enough for now as I have her right where I want. She tells me she still feels weird etc. Next 3 weeks I was swamped with work and life so we didn't meet much but when we did (she initiated) she told me she thought about everything and decided to give the now-ex a chance because "it's the logical thing to do, he's a good kid and they have invested a lot in this relationship". At the same time she said I'm making this really hard for her as she can't get me off her mind and feels addicted. I comfort her a bit so she doesn't think I want to pump and dump her (while trying not to sound too BP) and when she tells me she needs more time and "let's just hang out" I explain that I can't see her as a friend. She stays the night and once again I try to seal the deal, but even though she says "no we shouldn't" she's enjoying it and only actually stops me when I try to pull off her panties. This didn't change the dynamic in the slightest, she still smiles like a retard when I'm around and tries hard to control herself.
I've already decided what I want from her. Single or not, she'd be a great addition to my plate list as she's both hot and fun to be around. She's probably trying to branch swing and normally I'd wait this one out but I have no similar experience since I never bothered with girls in other LTRs. There was even a time I considered this immoral :) It's easy to meet her alone but for now I have to provide enough plausible deniability not to trigger her defences. Do you have any suggestions on how I should continue?
PS: Her words say no, her actions scream fuck yes. It's funny how aware she is of her shit tests and even comments on me addressing them right. She's by no means shy but kind of inexperienced, 2 long LTRs (that I know of) back-to-back so there's a pattern. I can't confirm this but possibly a low bodycount too. As for me, I'm 31, tall, fit but not buff, high position in our line of work and have been her mentor in the past. There's no chance of her ruining my reputation at work or falsely accusing me of anything, no chance of getting killed by a jealous boyfriend and only a minimal chance of getting my ass kicked. Also, the boyfriend exists and their (short) breakup actually happened.
agent4 1y ago
In summary: she is gaming you, playing the cliché cards and being successful in it.
TorroMorro 1y ago
Thank you for this view, I hadn't considered this as I don't see what she's getting from this other than gaining time to vet me for an LTR. I don't give her free attention/validation. Do you think I should I next or proceed differently?
agent4 1y ago
Without knowing the lady, hard to tell if she is a good gamer hoe or actually a decent lady that figured your intentions.
Whatever, it is still a game. Also, you think you are not giving free validation because you are also trying to game her.
As for what she gets? At the very least she gets you to keep playing. This is a validation per se.
So... Up to you.
Gilles 1y ago
Do what you want, but there are reasons that dating within the workspace is not recommended
TorroMorro 1y ago
Thank you for your reply but as I said we no longer work together and she doesn't affect my current job in any way. Don't shit where you eat, boys!
Gilles 1y ago
Ok I missed it. Just plate her then
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Basically, you have two tasks:
1: Kill her internal slut shame by providing a safe, non-judgemental, "sex-positive" vibe.
2: Be as honest as you possibly can about you not being a potential branch swing. You "don't do relationships" etc.
If you can manage both, you can fuck her, and she probably won't take revenge when you're no longer interested.
Obviously, this girl isn't LTR material. But you already know that. She's clearly into you though, and bored with what she's got. So you're in a good position to just hold back, and let her pursue. She might go for the safe option, but you've got plates anyways.
TorroMorro 1y ago
She's definitely not LTR material and I almost feel sorry for the guy. But what can you do, if it's not me then it'll be someone else.
Thank you for your reply, I'm not sure how to appear any less judgemental about sex as she already knows it's not that big of a deal for me. Also I can't tell if I should keep up the smirking asshole game which made her like me in the first place or genuinely try to comfort her a bit. Either way I always act like she's single and avoid getting in any serious talk about what she needs to decide.
VUVUzela 1y ago
"She's definitely not LTR material and I almost feel sorry for the guy. But what can you do, if it's not me then it'll be someone else."
I was in a similar situation awhile back. I heard she kissed another guy, but I heard it after she moved away. She was looking to fool around when the bf was away, but I didn't push for anything since I knew about the bf. And too late I found out that she wasn't serious at all.. kinda bummed out by that one
AbusiveFather1 1y ago
The dynamic is she’s got you right where she wants you: hook, line and sinker.
I think it’s you who’s acting like a retard. Don’t be a bitch, homie
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
@Saucegod @agent4
Disagree. She wants him balls deep, but don't wanna feel like a slut (due to boyfriend). She's managed to hamster herself into getting fingered, but not into getting banged.
agent4 1y ago
We are talking about the same creatures that gives ass to keep virgin. So, who knows?
I still think she is gaming him. Besides, who said woman can't game a guy and keep pussy out? I think she wants to establish domination before open legs.
AbusiveFather1 1y ago
this, absolutely
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TorroMorro 1y ago
@AbusiveFather1 @Saucegod
That's one way to put it and it's the reason I wanted an outside view on this. I do believe she wants me balls deep like @Durek_The_Bald puts it (no pun intended) but she has her reservations. But hey, pussy is one hell of a drug and there's always a chance she's playing me and I can't see it. Thank you both for your replies.
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AbusiveFather1 1y ago
not even for a second.
OP, until she decides to spread her legs for you - no games, no LMR - focus on other women. this - you having other options and refusing to tolerate her gimmicks - should dissuade her from putting on this Beth Blueballs act.
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VUVUzela 1y ago
"she hits me up to tell me they broke up so we go out again".
Are you sure about that? Have you spoken to her bf? She's hanging out with you when she's in a LTR, and also after she's broken up, and then they are going to try again? Hm ok. 23 years old and in a relationship for two whooole years. Woooow, do you think she seems serious about that when she's hanging out with you?
I'm not telling you to do anything, but I would not feel bad about it if something happens.
dongking 1y ago
How is your escalation game? Sounds abit weird that you're fingering her and not getting anything back. My cock would be out way before that point, either in her hand or mouth.
Then it's usually quite smooth sailing.
Imo the "hardest" part about game is getting a girl into bed with you, i.e. all the steps before etc. Once you're there, it is very difficult to fuck it up. No pun intended. So seems like your escalation/closing might be a lil bit off.
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 1y ago
Facts seems like you’ve almost bagged her multiple times. @ OP an older head taught me this Rizz; I’ve tried it and it works.
It’s getting steamy (whether in public at a bar or back at the crib). Once you’re hard like literally take her hand, put it on your chest, and move it lower till it’s on your schlong. Once she’s grabbing it 99.999999% of time it’s gonna be game time. Obviously if she resists don’t do it; that should go w/o saying