I'm seeking feedback to bounce the ideas around in my head. I'm at somewhat of a cross-roads I feel with my life and decision making and I don't know what my blindspots could be. I tried to give a lot of detail to indicate I value your ideas and for context.
Basically - what should I be prioritizing or doing? Tell me what you would do. I feel an immense pressure due to my age, being single, wanting a family, and that I feel objectively I'm doing pretty well already - it shouldn't be this hard lol.
What's going through my head:
- Retire in 7-10 years either completely or to some lazy fun job. Save money. Basically never go out of way like I'm doing now. I work in retirement planning and I can do this with extreme confidence. = Deprioritize dating/women?
- I love nature but live in Chicago. I want to go elsewhere. But this would hurt career and dating options and be more expensive - I can save a lot of money here.
- Move to upgraded apartment? I live in a cheap place to save money. Fantastic location. I can't justify spending $1000 extra per month for better painted walls and countertop, but maybe women think I'm broke? -Try something new in dating approach? Why do I have such bad luck on dates or do I have bad luck picking them? I used to get 1/3 of girls to bang without any effort 7-8 years ago. Now even if a date goes objectively good, maybe it's 1/4 or 1/5 change to get a 2nd date and it often fizzles then. Is this a change in my age or online dating making women think more highly of themselves when they aren't that special? That I am not bragging about myself?
- I've been on ~50 1st dates in 18mo so not like I CANT get a date, but it's so exhausting.
- Should I just de-prioritize indicating that I'm looked for a long-term partner/wife? I don't know it seems like women are absolutely delusional at my age.
Dating history:
- Been on ~50 1st dates in the last 18mo. Feel would be WAY easier but I put 'conservative' in online dating profile. Thus these aren't scared of trump supporters.
- All dates involve women making 100k-250k, without kids. I'd say typically 130k. I'd estimate almost all of them are like stereotypical - dog+brunch+vacations+wine night with girls+love my nephew+'open to kids'+'love my career'. They are all nurses, CPAs, finance stuff, marketing, software sales...Never fat, all 'love fitness', normal variation in facial looks.
- I feel my first date luck is WAY worse than it should be. Am I aiming too high an these girls all are delusional? I'm 6ft, 1mil+ in stocks, 200k+ salary, jacked, etc... but more reserved. Should I be more aggressive or brag about myself?
- I typically ask generic smalltalk but indicate I'm serious about finding someone and not trying to waste their time (true). How do I brag about myself without coming across as try-hard? I just talk like a normal person.
Me:
- age 33. Turn 34 in December.
- Salary: 213k per year, high stress finance job. Probably would make 175-190k elsewhere
- Networth: 1075k. No jackpot, no family help. Paid own college. I just invest my money.
- Looks: 6'1ft, 225LB, 75% white & 25% Brazilian, 505LB parallel squat, 360LB pause bench press, I guess 7/10ish face?
- Located in Chicago
- No mental problems,
- 8 or 9/10 fashion / well fitted, classic clothing.
- Introverted, but not shy. I like 1-1 stuff all day long, but don't like losing control by group settings.
- Conservative , believe in hardwork, planning for the future.
- Want kids and a family. HUGE priority.
- no mental problems, no family problems, no debt, no pets, nothing holding my down.
Past Relationships:
- 5.5 years: she fat and lazy. 9/10 --> 4/10. Went from fun, brighten your day, helpful & making 125k to being lazy, and stereotypical woman working all day and thinking super important at 160k & 12hr days. She couldn't plan for future.
- 6mo: 9/10. Blind to what went wrong. I wasn't born yesterday. Beyond normal relationship stuff, we had really deep conversations, she also believed in gender roles, conservative, talked about family, then out of blue with no fights and tons of fun, she told me after 6mo she didn't feel 'chemistry'.
- A bunch of short term 1mo ones... I don't like to invest my time if don't see it going somewhere.
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
AbusiveFather1 2y ago
don't even think about marrying an american woman. if you have to stay in america, i'd suggest importing a wife from latin america/eastern europe/asia; brazil has very nice candidates, so you can go back to your roots so to speak.
i assume your money depends on living in the USA, but starting a family here is suicide; it's not a problem of if you regret it, but when. To be a happy family man, you must live in a country where you're protected from divorce-rape and where your kids won't be stolen from you at the snap of of a finger.
best case scenario is, if you can, get a remote position and move to aforementioned regions; you'd be able to start a family while you're still young. if not, then retire in the USA as soon as you can, and then move.
PS. The quality of life you'd be able to afford for your family with your money in those 2nd world countries is obviously unmatched by the one you'd have in the USA. personally, if i were to start a family, USA is the last place where i'd do it; if i'd absolutely have to go with a 1st world country, i'd choose from places like: switzerland, singapore, denmark, norway, new zealand... But of course 1st world country = higher odds of divorce-rape.
Bulba 2y ago
Women swipe right only on the top 5% of men on Tinder. This suggests that, as a rule of thumb, the best dating experiences are reserved for those men in the top 5% in your country.
You're earning around 200k, which places you in the top 10%. To be in the top 5%, you'd need to earn around 400k, and to be in the top 1%, around 900k.
So, you can either stay in America and find a way to double your current income, or take the 'passport bro' approach and move to a country where you're in the top 1% of earners. Either option should substantially improve your dating life.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
You think money is this guys issue? Lol dude
Bulba 2y ago
In case he wants to stay in America, then yes, it is.
He's looking for a wife in America. Only a very small percentage of the population qualifies. Therefore, his chances of success are higher if he reaches the top of the dating market, where he will have access to virtually all women in the market. Since he's also working on other aspects of his sexual market value, it's reasonable to expect that he will reach the top of the dating market once he's in the top 5% income bracket.
There's a tendency in redpill circles to downplay the importance of money in dating. I would argue that this is a form of cope. Money matters, especially if you're searching for unicorns.
Of course, for most men, it's simpler to just leave America than to double their income. That's why most comments on this thread will tell you to get your passport and look for a wife elsewhere. However, the principle remains: you should aim to be among the top 5% earners in your country, either by relocating to another country or by increasing your income.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
There are no unicorns.
Hypergamy isnt perfect. Women generally arent rational enough to consider the variance of high incomes and chase the very top earners. And the ones that do are likely to be vapid golddiggers. Money doesnt excite women. It doesnt get them wet and staying that way.
OP needs to learn game so as not to be a beta bucks that bores every girl he dates.
Pick the low hanging fruit first.
Bulba 2y ago
What you're saying makes sense for those who want short-term relationships and to spin plates. That's why this perspective is frequently echoed in redpill circles, because that’s what most men want. However, OP isn't in that demographic; he's looking for marriage.
We're not discussing average girls here. We're talking about girls who have the luxury of choosing any man they desire. These women are prime marriage material, and they know it. They sit at the top of the female dating market in America. They don’t even need to pursue top earners; those men will seek them out.
No matter how good you become at game, you can't rival a man who is equally skilled and also a top earner.
Women at the top of the dating market will inevitably opt for top earners who have optimized every facet of their sexual market value: looks, money, status and game.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Exactly, so explain why he should focus even harder on his best stat, instead of bringing the rest up to par.
Any man who plays this game is blue pilled. This is not a blue pill dating advice forum.
Wrong. This is advocated partly because it lets you choose from women who have real desire for you, not your wallet.
It works for all relationship types once you understand the nuances to gaming different kinds of women.
Bulba 2y ago
I'm saying he should level up his income and bring the rest up to par if he wants to pursue long-term relationships in America.
You're probably upset with my advice because it doesn't seem practical for most men; in fact, it's not. This leads us to the primary advice you're seeing in this thread: it's best to simply leave America and seek a long-term relationship elsewhere. Most men shouldn’t stay in America unless they just want to spin plates.
It's easy to claim I'm talking "bluepill," but the wealthiest people in America (old money, not the tech nerds) are married. I don't believe they're "bluepilled"; they know exactly what they're doing. They aren't facing challenges with divorces either. The elites play a different game.
However, this obviously isn't a game for everyone. Therefore the best advice for the average American seeking long-term relationships is to simply become a passport bro.
newquestions1 2y ago
Me: making 200k & having saved 1mil at age 33 is lightyears ahead of the typical bro who earns 105k and has 175k saved or something of equivalent age.
I can never save another dollar in my life after maybe 1 or 2 more years and the 2nd guy will have to pinch pennies until he dies trying to save and he will never catch me.
I honestly feel that for a lot of the women, its they are just absolutely bored. They typically can buy whatever crap they want after managing powerpoint or being a nurse. They are tired after work. They can buy whatever they want with their money (they save $0 obviously). Or their dad funds them to some degree. They instinctively want a guy who is 'ambitious' but at the same time want someone to entertain them.
I guess I'm a big saver and I'm naturally thinking, why would I waste my money on this, if I save my money then I can afford to send me kid to a good school in future, not be stressed when I'm old and tired at age 50 because I can retire, etc... but of course thats not typical and most women who earn 125k want to do 8 vacations minimum a year, weekly expensive dinners, designer apartment furniture etc and think saving $300 a month is great.
Bulba 2y ago
You already have enough savings to basically retire in Brazil, Europe or Southeast Asia. I believe you should seriously reconsider living in America.
The alternative, of course, is to stay in America and find a way to earn so much money that 8 vacations a year and weekly expensive dinners is not a big deal anymore. That’s the “Andrew Tate approach”.
The third option is to just do what most redpilled guys in America are doing ( give up on LTRs and spin plates ).
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
What do you want, what's missing>?
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Lots of info here. But you left out:
I think it's clear that your dating issue would be completely resolved if you got better at game.
You're describing yourself as introvert, which really just means feeling like socializing is mentally draining. In your case i would assume you also feel like something is missing in your personality that makes women go "wow" and get horny.
We often use the alpha/beta dichotomy to describe this. Alpha = arousing, while beta = supporting, in short.
When everything about a man looks good on paper (like with you), it's always game that's the issue. You need more alpha qualities.
Disregard the idea that alpha means someone who's the strong leader of the pack or similar. It's a useless analogy.
Start with implementating more of the sidebar resources on game in your life. Read The Rational Male and Heartiste on Game and implement.
Another tip: dont go into this kinda stuff early...
...because women dont know what the hell they want. Watch their actions, not their words, and vet them harshly
newquestions1 2y ago
I've listened to a bit of the Entrepreneur in Cars YouTube regularly and read his book. I read the Rational Male a few years ago.
I do think the game thing is the issue. I can talk all day 1v1, but a lot of the girls are airheads like I mentioned above and I just take those as unavoidable losses. I have noticed a lot of women tend to be funded partially by daddy so they can't appreciate hard work OR have good enough looks & with dating apps/instagram over 10 years they are delusional (and I probably would be too if I had like 2-3 guys sending me messages every day of my life for last 10 years). These are the women I do the work with.
"Another tip: dont go into this kinda stuff early..."
I normally just send a 95% copy/paste message immediately saying hey, texting on apps is dumb this is some stuff I'm about if you want let's go on a date. I don't ask how was the weekend or comment on pictures, etc.
I don't brag at all on my dates about my money. I guess I'll say something like I work really hard, I loved investing, I went to a top grad school but thats it. Also at $1mil saved at just age 33, thats a freight train that is really starting to pick-up steam.
I've noticed most women are just beyond bad at money/numbers but I don't know how to communicate this to them in a way thats not cringe. Again, I spend barely anything apart from nice clothes. I'd like to have a way to better extend dates for girls I like by making this clear because 200k/ salary, 1mil saved compounding at 7% a year is LIGHTYEARS ahead of the typical loud-bragging guy who makes 105k and has 200k saved,
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Again, read heartiste and the sidebar references/game material.
This stuff shouldnt even be a topic of conversation before you've had sex sometimes and you know you like her company
Fair. You cant negotiate desire anyway, overt displays of wealth arent recommended.
Why arent you seeing younger women with less $$?
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Well it certainly isn't you, it's them. Keep your finances secret and get yourself a nice dark SE Asian farm girl. I did that 18+ years ago and have been happily married ever since, 2 sons. Stop wasting your time on western women. They don't deserve you. You're a top 10% guy in the US and top 0.001% guy globally. Bitches don't know what they got till it's gone. Also I could easily never work again if I had your money and a spouse visa in Thailand.