Okay, so this morning I moved into my apartment complex on campus. Went out around to make friends and approach some people but a lot of them were closed off and kind acting like a bunch of buzzkills. Went to the caf to and asked some guys if I could sit with them and they told me “uh.. idk man we’re leaving…” alright. Some people are lame, nothing I can do. Then I went outside and saw some geeky looking guys with an ok looking chick. Went up and asked them “hey, I’m new to the area and was looking for buddies, you guys like drinking?” And the guy was nervously laughing like “uh huh huh no man, I don’t drink”. I made some good friends using that line but granted, they’re all 21+ so maybe they were underage.
Then I see a group of asian people outside my apartment complex 4 chicks and one dude. Went up and introduced myself and made them all laugh and stuff but they were kind of closed off too and just not talkative, I even tried to include the guy in to make sure it looked like I was talking to everyone and not just picking up chicks. They weren’t feeling it, the awkwardness was palpable but it wasn’t my fault. Took the social cues and wished them a good day. I’ll admit, I could tell you that I’m NOT good at this but I need to try. I feel nervous and it’s hard for me to smile and feel relaxed when I’m putting myself out into the world for others to reject me. I had a low self esteem for the majority of my childhood and teens so it still hurts when people don’t like me BUT I’ll admit, it felt better the more I did it. I’m just telling myself it’s like sales. Can’t win them all, that goes for everyone.
Then I see this chad looking dude and a hb8 waliing towards my apartment. They both dressed in gym clothes. I ask them were the gym was and then got into a convo about it and he wanted a gym buddy and I asked if he drank and he said yeah so I gave him my snap and said “lets go out later” with him, the chick, me and some other people he knew. Sweet! But are there better ways to meet people and HOW? You may have to explain it to me like (yes, LIKE) I’m retarded. Body posture, what to say, etc.
Go to the cafeteria with my roomate later to get some food and holy FUCK the caf was packed with chicks. Literal goldmine for meeting women, I think I’ll be cold approaching around there. A lot of them sit in groups of 1-4 other chicks and I’m not TOO experienced with group game. Could anyone give me some advice on that?
Next, I was supposed to head out with this guy but he tells me that he’s “staying in, too tired”. Ok. Then I see on his snap-map he’s in town at 12:30 and that chapped the FUCK out of me. I got out of bed and got dressed and went out myself. Checked out a few bars and got some stone-cold iois from chicks. Not to suck my own dick, but I was easily the tallest guy everywhere I went (6’4”) and I walked like a one man gang. Everywhere I entered I stood tall with my chest out and all that bullshit, you get it. Since it was late and I was new to the area, I wanted to go bar hopping to see what was cool and was bullshit. Went in and caught one hb8 in the corner of my eye stared into my eyes and smiled as she walked by (she was with people) Another drunk chick asked if I was British went I left the bar outside (I’m white Irish and German) but I gave her no attention because I didn’t know if it was an IOI, other times girls would brush up by me when coming through, could be an accident but I also caught a lot of chicks looking at me. Then I text that dipshit chad guy I met earlier where he was at and he did the usual “oh bro, I thought I saw you at xyz”.
I’m not going to lie, as much as I want to make friends, I don’t want to put up with the clout-chasing bullshit that young men give. To be honest, I fucking HATE 90% of guys my age and younger. I don’t think I need to explain why, but a lot of them act like girls too. They only want to be my friend when I’m at a party or know some chicks. We talk about female hypergamy, well that’s MALE hypergamy when it comes to making friends. Are there any strategies make friends without putting up with guys who act like bitches?
On my way home, I stopped by at a house party that just ended, some 18 year old baby-faced skinny looking fellas were on the lawn. I asked whose crib it was and one of them said it was theirs. Chatted about bars and places and the kid asked me my age and I said 23. Then he proceeded to tell me that “bars will be more your style, this isn’t for you” and thanked him and pretended I didn’t want to knock his scrawny ass out. Of course, I’m not getting kicked out of college day 1. Is 23 too old to be going to house parties?
I know this is a LONG LONG LONG post, but I tried to accomplish a lot today. Any advice is super appreciated, I love you guys :)
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
I'd get to know the Chad and put more effort into that. He'll be happy to be around another guy who "just gets it" and isn't always trying to AMOG. Let him shine while you build yourself up and eventually you'll be the Chad. There's a law of power for that. I'll let you look it up.
User4566 2y ago
Yeah but there are other chads on campus that won’t act like women. I’ll remain friendly with him but I’m going to be fake asf about it. I can tell he’s a clout chaser.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Yeah well you gotta start somewhere and then upgrade. It's social proof. Be the guy other guys wanna be and other girls wanna bang.
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User4566 2y ago
NUH-UH!! Just kidding, I know from experience that height doesn’t grant me instant chicks. Thank you for commenting.
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User4566 2y ago
Thank you :) i’m majoring in econ and minoring in comp sci.
AbusiveFather1 2y ago
fuck that guy. You don’t need to put up with some conniving cunt just because he was the only talkative person you met; I’m sure you’ll meet an honest person that has your back eventually - don’t lower yourself to modern trash that tries to pass itself as people, but also make sure that you yourself are a good person.
Just keep doing what you’re doing; cold approach on your own, go out on your own, be the kind of friend to others that you would want for yourself. You got this.
Ps: 23 is not too old for anything; anyone gives you shit for being 23 - it’s their problem and they don’t know what they’re talking about
User4566 2y ago
Yeah, as I said they looked 18. Skinny and no sign of facial hair. I also overheard guys in line at the bar saying “after 22, Im too old for this stuff” so it got me thinking.
AbusiveFather1 2y ago
everybody has their own timeline; if he's got his life set up like "i'm going to college at 18, at 22 i graduate and get a job, at 25 i get a wife, at 26 i get kids..." and all the way to his death - that's his business. where i'm from people engage in nightlife all the way to retirement age, but with age comes access to higher-end establishments, obviously.
the main point is to live life on your terms (as much as possible), in congruence with your own principles, and trying to enjoy while it lasts.
my advice only look towards people you respect and look up to - and i'm sure there's not too many of those around; there's going to be a whole lot of people, and you might not have anything in common with them - which is normal, in a society as capitalistic and individualistic as ours at least. however, if you keep looking, and if you're worthy, you will find a good friend and a high-quality girl.
User4566 2y ago
I’ll try. Thanks bud.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Don't do this, this is asking for too much commitment.
Tell them "hi guys, I'll only be here for a minute"..... then leave quickly.
Don't overstay before you know people.
too much, too forward
again overdoing it!
You are actually 90% of the way to getting good at this because you are DOING IT.
sure, I'll try.
you asked for no commitment...... "where's the gym?".... then you build things up slowly rather than "I am going to stick to you like glue and you can't get rid of me" that you did in the above examples.
good work on swapping details.
common interest is a great way to do this.
social credit helps a LOT.
to get started: sit near them, not too close, engage in convo, be engaging while also looking like you might leave at any time by not being too close and kinda rocking your body away from them. don't lean in.
your body language matters a LOT here..... you want to commit to the convo, but also rock straight back to not "moving in on them", which girls don't like. until they like you. You can add "I'm only here for a moment". Basically you're teasing them rather than committing too much to invading their group.
I've said this in about 3 different ways in this post, I hope you get it.
chill, it's fine, people make excuses.
NO!
As you're tall, everything I said above goes double..... be less commited and less "moving in on you" until you reach the social hook point.,
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User4566 2y ago
Thank you. So the idea of cold approaching chicks in the caf isn’t a good idea? I understand to not be needy, but what if I see a girl sitting alone or shes up getting food?
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
girls alone feel more vulnerable.
you totally should cold approach chicks in the cafe, we're telling you how to do it better.
User4566 2y ago
So if I see a group of chicks, sit near them and then introduce myself BUT don’t invade their personal space unless they are inviting?
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 2y ago
To add on to Matty; when you’re talking with a group of girls you gotta be sure to kind of talk to all of them. Don’t just laser in on the chick you’re trying to smash; engage all of them in the convo so you don’t get cancelled
User4566 2y ago
Yeah I always do that. Last night, a small group of girls and a guy were talking and as I walked past them, I introduced myself to everyone because they live in my building so I’ll see them. The girls were super receptive and friendly but the dude was NOT having it and wouldn’t crack a smile. He likely felt intimidated by me possibly stealing his spotlight because they all ignored him when I stopped by. I always make sure everyone is included and asked all of them what their majors were and what they did for fun. Parted ways without asking for numbers to not come off as needy but just simply a cool guy they know if they run into again.