It is so fragile, it's not even funny. It hinges on absolutely nothing.
I've been working out and running consistently for the past year. I did a semester abroad, the people in my residence voted me "Best Physique". Didn't feel much about it because all that pride crumbled whenever I saw someone with a better physique.
My self-worth is based a lot on how many girls look at me when I'm out in public. I'll come home absolutely miserable if I haven't gotten any looks. The days I do get a lot of them, I feel like a champion.
I have some friends but don't go out that much and when I do, I don't really talk to girls like that, unless I'm the biggest fish in the vicinity. That's pretty much it: I've built myself to be a big fish but any time I see a bigger fish (taller, buffer, surrounded by hot girls, richer, better university) I feel like absolute ass. That shit paralyzes me, ruins my day.
I try to be pretty stoic but if there is one thing that I cannot handle, it's my perceived inferiority, I just cannot stop comparing myself.
How do I move forward in life? To tell me to keep working out is useless, there is always going to be a bigger fish no matter what I do (ofc I'll keep working out). I want to know how not to care about the bigger fishes that are clearly there. Can't even talk to girls when I see the "superior guys" they follow on socials or hang around.
I'm 20 by the way, last year of my first undergrad.
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
OP @dovictory
I do want to say that getting looks in public from women as a man is possible but heavily contingent on context usually.
You might get sneaky glances from women with a few overt check outs up front (they're more subtle about it)
But getting LOADS of overt looks from women is situational. When I'm at one of favorite night venues to go I demonstrate a lot of skill there and likewise get a lot of looks from women. but when I'm out and about that number dramatically dwindles down. For men, getting IOIs tend to heavily vary contingent on situational factors.
You shouldn't be concerned about that. It's more pressing how your one on one direct interactions go than random IOIs you see out and about
slowlylearning1 1y ago
I struggle(d) with this as well.
The only way you'll overcome it to a certain extent, is to accept yourself and abundance.
There is always going to be someone better than you, but remember how fucking awesome you are yourself. Start stripping down your character, traits, personality - the good, bad and the ugly.
I find with self-confidence the only really way to defeat it is by rejection and a bit of fake it til you make it.
Just remember people who don't like you, find you attractive, passive aggressive or even nasty to you. The joke is on them. Make yourself the most interesting man in the room ; expand your interests/hobbies show interest in others - people will flock to you. The ones that don't, well who cares.
3/4 rejections can be tough ; but keep going, there are plenty of women out there who would love an adventure with you.
The mind is so fickle, and if you are coming from a natural disposition of woe is me/low self-esteem (I am myself, and only now overcoming it) there will be days where you feel you are an absolute loser - but just remember how SHIT you feel when you are down ; it's no life to live feeling that way.
Stop thinking Chads are better too. I used to think at some of my lowest points, I didn't deserve to even be in the same room with really good looking people. It's absolute nonsense. Even if you are average looking ; you can outfunny, wit, be the most interesting person in the room - and if anything use the adversity of feeling ugly - to push yourself on to know, that if people reject you, well that's their fault ; not yours .
You've got so much time too. Keep learning, being interesting, exercise, and be positive. People will flock to you.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Get off social media. There are studies showing it wrecks your confidence. Talk to girls just to talk. Throw out some compliments. Do activities with other guys. Realize your SMV will increase dramatically after college when you land a good job.