I have a crippling fear of women and no matter how much I touch grass, it won't go away.
I feel like a peasant talking with royalty even with an average looking woman. I just don't feel like I have a right to be a sexual being around them. It feels unnatural to me.
Without trying to sound cringe, I regularly have random women and gay men cold approaching me to tell me i'm good looking and flirting with me. So it's not a problem of not receiving positive reinforcement. There's worse looking men than me who are confident in themselves.
I am a 22 year old who only had sex with prostitutes. I pissed away so many opportunities of a happy sex/ dating life that that it keeps me up at night and i'm inevitably going to kill myself because of it eventually even if I started fucking supermodels tomorrow.
Can someone tell me why i'm like this? Is it a fear of rejection? It's something I cannot fight. I cannot even make eye contact with women because I don't feel worthy.
Artemis 2y ago
What about your social skills? If you lack social skills look up aspergers syndrome. You kinda remind me of myself. I've been trying to fix the feeling of unworthiness too for the past 7 months and it is not easy.
Gilles 2y ago
Probably related to your parents being poor role models and neglect. It's not normal to have this low self esteem, even if you're not getting laid regularly. You can try using trp to get laid, but honestly I would pursue therapy before diving too deep into trp. You may end up taking the advice too literally without proper fundamentals. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of, I spent years improving in therapy before I could actually appreciate what trp had to offer. The end goal with all of this is not to get laid, It's to become your own man.
asadguy 2y ago
It might have to do with parents. I had an abusive mother who would call me all kinds of names, would hit me, and overreact whenever I made a mistake e.g telling me she wishes she never had me when I spilled soup. My step-father was a pushover that she abused as well.
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JamesSkepp Moderator 2y ago
Is this fear of women ("she'll reject me") or is this extreme idolation ("girl like that would never go for a guy like me")?
Are you confident in general, do you have something that gives you a sense of confidence-from-competence? For example you are confident during male-male interactions b/c you trained MMA for 10y and aren't afraid of upsetting someone.
If you are afraid of upsetting someone during a conversation, is this with men, women or both?
asadguy 2y ago
"Is this fear of women ("she'll reject me") or is this extreme idolation ("girl like that would never go for a guy like me")?"
A bit of both. I never approach women because I fear rejection but when they approach me it feels surreal to me that they would want anything to do with me. I found myself losing respect/ attraction for women who are nice to me because I guess I feel that badly about myself.
"Are you confident in general, do you have something that gives you a sense of confidence-from-competence? For example you are confident during male-male interactions b/c you trained MMA for 10y and aren't afraid of upsetting someone."
Not really. I'm a bitch with guys too, but it's a different kind of fear. I don't really know how to describe it. I'm not scared of them physically, but I just fear social interaction in general.
"If you are afraid of upsetting someone during a conversation, is this with men, women or both?"
both.
"How many cold approaches did you do? I'm not asking how many girls did you fuck, I'm asking specifically about "you roll up to a girl and chat with her for a few minutes" regardless of the outcome."
I approached one girl in my life. Ended up in her hotel room bed and still didn't fuck her lol. Made a post about it before. Every other time I just stand around until a girl approaches me.
JamesSkepp Moderator 2y ago
Lifting, any full contact combat sport (no aikido prancing bs), join some discussion group if you can find one in you area and start arguing about stuff (the's an app for this too, a big one cant recall the name. You need to be confident you can disagree with other men and have your own opinion that someone dislikes. To do that you need to stop being afraid of confrontation. To stop being afraid of confrontation you need to be able to handle one. The extreme version of confrontation is a fight. To win a fight you need to be strong, take and deliver a punch and know how not to get your ass kicked.
This will help with women too.
Long story short you are in a feedback loop that made you undersocialized. You are afraid to fuckup, the more you are afraid of fuckup the more nervous you are and this makes you fuckup (and unattractive). The more you fuckup the more afraid you are. You get the idea.
The way to break this is to slowly learning how not to fuckup while learning that nothing happens if you do. You have cultivated "pathways" in your brain, basically a patters of thoughts and behaviours that make you behave like you do. You have to unlearn them.
For the foreseeable future (until you get confident) you are to talk with 5-10 people every time you go out for ANY reason. Doesn't have to 1h debate, can be some random 1min small talk with a random person at market. The more you do it the more you will build a different feedback loop - one RSD Tyler calls "momentum". Basically the more you talk to girls, the easier it gets to talk to them. There is no goal to this other than talking as often as you can. Their reactions don't matter, the outcome doesn't matter.
Once you can comfortably roll to a person and hold a conversation, start flirting with girls. If you are as good looking as you say, your looks will give you a bit more leeway to make mistakes and still score.
Your problem isn't unique and it's hardly a difficult to fix one. Small steps, but thousands of them - is a cure.
AbusiveFather1 2y ago
Because you are. You are not a person that you respect; until you become someone that you respect, you're going to feel unworthy of women. Personally, in order to gauge myself, I ask the question: "would I let my daughter marry someone like me?" - if the answer is no, then, naturally, i'm unworthy of female attention. If the answer is yes, and a woman is uninterested, then there's something wrong with the woman. The trick is to: a) have standards and morals, b) be honest with yourself.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Narcissistic mother. Look it up.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I don't know man.
Read no more mister nice guy and stop the negative self talk
What are you going to do about it?
Go talk to women more and more and see that the sky, in fact, does not fall down when you do
When you start getting IOIs, even if you have to try and fail at first, you'll start to feel better about it
You need to do something about it. Posting about it and never taking action is pointless mental masturbation
asadguy 2y ago
I get iois, I pretty frequently have women approaching me and flirting with me. It doesn’t do anything for my self-esteem.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
No more mister nice guy, mediation, therapy, or serious introspection
No-Stress-Cat 2 2y ago
Looks like a troll post to me.
asadguy 2y ago
What are you talking about?
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