For context I'm a bit over my plate spinning days and now I'm looking for something a bit more steady and long term. I met a girl who ,physically, was my type and someone who I wanted to see again. Details below:
I met this girl at a bar in my city. We were vibing a lot (even her friend told my friend that she's surprised that we have good chemistry/ we look very good together). As we were vibing I asked for her IG,she gave it to me but for some reason she was playing hard to get about accepting me as a follower and following me back. I assumed she was just joking around cause I've had this happen before. Eventually the bar was closing and I ask if she wanted to get food. She said yes, we walk out the bar and she talks to her friend for a bit, her friend then comes to me and demands to take a picture of my ID before we leave. After that I knew I'd be at least going home with her because she left her friends to be with me.
Anyway we end up getting food and I drive her back to her place. This is where things took a turn. On the walk to the car, even though we were holding hands, she keeps going on about how much she "hates men, blah blah blah, men suck, men say the same thing" and I'm just surprised cause I just met her. I then try to kiss her before we enter the car and she jokingly says "nope I'm not gonna kiss you" in a way where I felt like I would get it later. After a while of complaining about men, as we park in front of her apartment building she says "you know I hate that I'm actually starting to like your personality".
Anyway we go to her apartment lobby and as we're waiting for the elevator I try to kiss her again she says "idk why but I'm not gonna let you kiss me". At this point I'm just like wtf? Why is she playing so hard to get. Eventually when we get into her room we start making out on her bed aggressively but then she stops and goes to her bathroom. I think heard her pop some pills but it could've been something else. She comes back and we lie down and eventually she babbles for like an hour about different things including men again and she falls asleep before I can make a move.
I assumed I wasted my time so I start to fall asleep and almost as soon as I'm asleep she wakes up and starts making out with me very aggressively. I start fingering her, eating her out etc. and eventually she grabs "it" and starts pushing it in. As I'm going in she stops me and says "I have something to tell you, I'm a virgin". I didn't really react negatively I was just internally surprised. Personally I think she's either inexperienced or actually a virgin cause she was definitely inexperienced when we were doing stuff on her bed. We do a couple more make out/fingering sessions and she babbles some more but I then leave in the morning and she gives me her number.
I text her a few days later and she basically didn't respond and she never accepted my follow request.
Idk, where do you guys think I may have messed up or is this girl just crazy?
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
holding hands before sex is just too beta.
This points to a girl who has made bad choices and now blames men for those choices. Men hating women are always fucked up. "Men suck" is just a way to blame men for her past, AND to exonerate her behaviour. It's fine to manipulate/use/abuse men, because they suck
After saying she hates your entire gender? Shit test failed.
Well that's a bit icky and mildly insulting.
Two reasons: lack of attraction and thinking that holding back will get more beta provisioning. The hand holding didn't help here.
And you listened to this shit like a good little emotional tampon.
And I'm a pink kangaroo called Susan.
If she was a virgin there is no way she'd insta-dump her first guy.
The girl is crazy, but......
This statement looks like it is designed to make us think you're pretty experienced with women, but you talk as if they are a new and foreign species that you've never met before.
Anyone who has actually been "spinning plates" knows that a good chunk of women are insane, the men-hating ones are terrible to date, and not to hold hands before sex.
wowza2468 2y ago
Alright thanks for feedback. If she had a lack of attraction then why would she kiss me later? And why would she grab my dick? I just assumed she was playing hard to get. I do agree about the beta provisioning part cause she was slightly giggling when she said it, she was purposefully teasing me.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
attraction is in degrees, it's not all or nothing
Maybe what happened is what she wanted to happen....... play along and get even more attention and drama by not having sex. If girls get more by not having sex than having it, that's what they'll do.
You gave her too much power.
wowza2468 2y ago
Yea that's what I think too but idk where it happened. I didn't compliment her until we were in her room. And I didn't touch her till we held hands (which she kind of initiated by the way).
MovinCruisin 2y ago
Ain't reading all that but she's probably crazy & you should move on.
AbusiveFather1 2y ago
So you didn't penetrate? heck, I wouldn't respond to you either lmao. she is crazy though, no doubt
wowza2468 2y ago
She stopped me as I was penetrating lol. I had no choice.
AbusiveFather1 2y ago
did you try again? because the wording in your original post made it seem like it was more of an LMR. in my experience, if virgins go this far and blurt out that they're virgins and worried at the last minute, they def want to go through with it but want you to take all the blame in case this turns out to be a bad experience.
wowza2468 2y ago
I think it was essentially an LMR but she put on her clothes after. Eventually they came off again but she didn't want to have sex so we just kept making out etc. Tbh she was pretty inexperienced didn't know how to play with my wee wee
Durek_The_Bald 2y ago
Well, there's your first mistake. When you're actively looking for "a girlfriend", you're already kinda debasing yourself in your own mind. And that is likely to bring with it all sorts of bad stuff (projection, pedestalising, oneitis, loss of game, loss of frame etc.).
See where this is going? Already there, in your mind, you're looking for external confirmation that you guys are "vibing". You're already somewhat invested, because you're "looking for a girlfriend". I bet you that whole her "being your type" too is pure projection from said investment.
You had probably already been treating her as the answer to whatever you're seeking at that point. Treat her as a celebrity, she'll treat you as a fan.
Anyways...
...that's as far as I can be bothered to go with the quotes right now.
As it turned out, she was a toxic man hater who've grown bitter through too much pump & dump. And this is the person you considered, and are now writing a post about as to "where you fucked up".
And that just goes to show how uncritical you become, and the position of weakness you come from, when you're actively "looking for a girlfriend". It all basically comes down to your starting position. And that starting position should always be:
"I prefer not to have a girlfriend, but I'm open to it if someone gives me enough reasons to stick around".
Everything just flows better, and progresses more dynamically, when you let women play their game of securing a commitment (which is their game, not yours).
EDIT:
I didn't read the last part at first. But as for her being a virgin, I highly doubt that. That toxic attitude of hers, about what all men say, do, and want, comes from negative experiences. Women who win at their game aren't bitter against men. So she's either a lying mattress, or so butt ugly that she hasn't even been considered for sex.
Also, I agree with @Typo-MAGAshiv that the whole "done spinning plates" business sounds like a lot of LARPing around. There's no way you'd write this post if you had experience. So here's a few pointers for you as to what a "plate" is not:
A "plate" is not the only girl you're fucking.
A rooster of "plates" is not women you hold hands with, and let dump their problems on you.
A rooster of "plates" is not women you talk to online.
A rooster of "plates" is not women you just know, or know of, or speak to, or go to class with.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
roster?
Durek_The_Bald 2y ago
My Engrish.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Tagging @Typo-MAGAshiv since edits apparently don't tag people on notifications
wowza2468 2y ago
So it's not that I'm LOOKING for a girlfriend (even though that's what I said) but I definitely prefer a girlfriend at this point and it's my top priority.
Even with this girl I didn't consider pursuing her to see where it goes until I got back to her place and we had a nice conversation. And also I should add my friend told me that the next day not the day of.
Her being my type is literally what I said before I approached her lol.
Thanks for.the rest of your advice though I think it's pretty solid.
And I did spin plates for about 2 years and it brought about little fulfillment in me which is why I prefer to just talk to one or two girls at a time. Even for me talking to multiple girls sucked because I always favorited one over the other. I'm just not mentally and emotionally built for the ultimate red pill lifestyle.
Durek_The_Bald 2y ago
Yeah, when you say it in capital letters, that sure outweighs that you also call it your "top priority". I mean, literal hamstering, right there, gnawing away at logic and coherence.
I hope it was a nicer conversation than the one before. You know, when you were walking to the car, holding hands, and she out of the blue started rambling about how much she hates men.
You keep saying "talking to". These girls you refer to as "plates", did you stick your wee-wee in their pee-pees, and have them on a rotation, or did you not? It's ok if you didn't. I've never spun plates either. I'm just saying, be honest with yourself.
No such thing. Not in the sense that you guaranteed mean.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2y ago
Same answer I gave you on the trp.red side of the site:
Forget the girl for a bit. It's your mindset, your mental models, where you went wrong.
After reading the rest, I suspect you never really got those days started.
A) as a man, your job is to get sex. A woman's job is to get you to want to stick around (relationship).
B) as such, you can certainly be open to LTRs, but if you go seeking them out, that strategy will backfire.
C) you might go your entire life without encountering a woman worthy of LTR. However, the more plates you spin, the higher your odds of finding one who keeps earning upgrades (that's how I ended up married).
First of all, you treated her like she was your only option. There were several moments you shared that had it been me by the time I had hit my stride, I'd have cut the evening off immediately. Don't get one-itis for any woman. I don't care how hot she is.
Me: ok, bye.
Me: ok, bye.
Have you ever been with a woman who truly wants you? Who shows you what Rollo Tomassi calls "genuine, burning desire"? A woman who would crawl over broken glass to fuck you?
If you had, you would never put up with a bitch with a shitty attitude ever again.
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No-Stress-Cat 2y ago
I love it when girls role-play "I'm a virgin."
Great. So now you're going to know what's it like to lose your "virginity" to a real man. Don't worry, though. I'll be gentle. The first time.
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wowza2468 2y ago
From how I understand fools mate it's basically a quick fuck.
Why do you think I went fast here? I felt like I gave her several options to back out but she let me proceed Everytime. First I approached her, then I asked her if she wanted to get food, then I offered to call her Uber home but also offered to drive her home. Then once we had parked I asked her if I could sleep over cause I was "tired". Then again this all could not matter because it could have been fast for her.
I think I demonstrated my value. I just graduated from a Top 5 Grad school (think ivy League) and I told her that she kept commenting on that in a positive way. And also she kept commenting on my ethnicity in a positive way. Additionally she stated that she was "annoyed that she was starting to like my personality" even while she went on her man hating rant.
Buyers remorse is for sure at play here though, I just want to know how to prevent it next time as this is essentially a lost cause.