FWB of mine has been struggling with her faith and says she feels guilty after she has sex. Says it doesn't make her feel good consciously. I believe her (crazy, right) because I see how much time she spends reading religious texts and praying.
I was going to ask her out but I'm not going to date someone I'm not fucking. I'd like to stay friends - she is from a good family and her family has connections in my field. My list of potential replies:
- that's cool, sex with you was whack anyways (neg)
- I'm abstinent too we should get married (agree & amplify)
what would you say?
Overkill_Engine 2 1y ago
Your plate broke, move on. This isn't problem if you stay on top of your shit well enough to replace a broken plate.
Notorious 1y ago
You're probably right...I think I spent too much time with her and she lost attraction.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Or she's losing attraction
Notorious 1y ago
She's said it before and we had sex the next day. I think mattyanon is right and she's losing attraction.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Neither.
"Ok, I respect your decision, thanks for all the awesome great times we had, let's just be friends".
And then keep her as a friend but never see her ..... if you keep seeing her you're an orbiter. By saying "LJBF" you are making it clear that there is no romantic connection any more. Thank her for the great times to show appreciation, but you're also making it clear that if she takes sex off the table you are taking the relationship and connection off the table.
Finishing with "LJBF" lets her know she's dumped but keeps friendship open as an option.
Do not be her orbiter.
Notorious 1y ago
Great response, thank you.
Notorious 1y ago
UPDATE: she called me today asking if I saw her text since I didn't reply last night. I said what you wrote word for word and hung up.
Now she keeps calling me throughout the day telling me what she's doing this week, what she's making for dinner, and asking to come over and walk her dog. Won't be doing that since that's what she does with her orbiters.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
If she is determined to be "friends", you can start asking her for favours and getting her to be your wingman. After all, she wants to be friends, she should be a good friend to you.
JamesSkepp Moderator 1y ago
She doesn't want to have sex anymore - with you. She didn't have that problem before, which begs the question: hat is more likely, she just found out that her religion forbids premartial sex (imagine the surprise it must have been, crazy right?) or she just found another guy.
This can also be a shit test, but I think that's unlikely.
Use Mattyanons reply or say something neutral that conveys you're not needy.
Notorious 1y ago
Before I had sex with her she would say shit like "I feel so disgusting after sex I wish I was a virgin" so its not a random thing. I think she's going through some shit so she thinks being abstinent will magically cure her problems. Her mom is super religious and this girl spends like 2 hours a day reading spiritual books and prays a lot. I think she's going through the "born again virgin" phase earlier than expected. She might've found another guy, can't rule that out, could definitely be possible. I probably spent too much time with her and she lost attraction.
She said it (no sex) again last week, to which I said ok cool. 2 days later we had sex. She's open about how she struggles with being horny and being seen as disgusting due to her faith. I'll go with Mattyanon's reply, thanks.
TRPDuryodhana 1y ago
To be fair, a lot of religious dudes struggle with this as well. I know some christian/muslim dudes. Apparently masturbation and porn are sins for them, and yet they struggle and end up giving in. That seems to be the case here as well, only that she is a girl.
JamesSkepp Moderator 1y ago
This is a variation of "i'm not easy like other girls" 1h before her panties fly off. Watch what she does not what she says, you can clearly see this principle at work when she had sex with you multiple times despite saying how bad she feels about it.
Notorious 1y ago
You're right, she does this every time. It's always "you can't stay here" or "we're not having sex" and then the clothes come off.
Going to withdraw attention - I gave too much and you can't negotiate desire.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
"Alright. Anal it is then."
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
nicknack 1y ago
Respond with I don’t pay for dates anymore, I used to pay thousands for extravagant adventures every date even the first one. Also used to buy presents and vacations right away. Tell her you’ll expect her to pick you up or pay for your ubers and you wont be bringing your Wallet ever. Because youre not like that anymore.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Just friend-zone her. Use her for social proof and preselection. Talk once a week. When you're ready to settle down and have kids you can check your friendzone for a woman that's not a hoe.
Notorious 1y ago
I like this idea...her social circle is massive and she's already put in a good word for me to her friends.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
What's she up to? Its simple - she is trying to raise the price mid contract. It's annoying as fuck. My cell phone provide, insurance company, electric etc ...they all do this.
They lure you in with a good deal, and the try and switch you to the 'premium plan'. The only solution is to switch providers. That's how you get a good deal.
Trust me, she is not 'feeling guilty' that she is having sex outside of marriage. She is feeling stupid that you are getting what you want and she is not married. She gave away the goods.
Oh, and forget about her becoming a friend. This never works. She will go nuts when she sees you banging other chicks. She will try and de-rail all your future and potential plates, FWB and even LTRs. You won't notice it, because she will do most of the work behind the scenes. And no woman will want to go near you with your ex hanging around your neck.
You need to cut ties with her completely.
Notorious 1y ago
I get what you’re saying with the phone plan and raising prices mid contract. She’s not my ex though, we were friends for a month turned FWB for another month. I'm 6 years her senior so I can easily see other girls outside her social circle.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
she was FWB 6 years ago for just a month? that's different. you should have said.
Notorious 1y ago
No, I meant I'm 6 years older than her. We've known each other for 2 months, 1 month as friends and the next as FWB.
I've been ignoring her since I posted this and she's asking what I'm doing and sending me pics of her dog saying he wants to play.