Hello guys,
I am an MD , just finished school... I don't really know if this is the right place to post this; but, I am preparing for my Boards and I keep struggling a ton with them, I am supposed to take them ASAP before I am allowed to apply to Residency. I keep struggling with them, and my mental health has been deteriorating further, to the point I have even been fantasizing about killing myself...I am so frustrated that everyone around me has been moving on with their lives, passing our Boards and I am forever stuck in my parent's basement looking at the screen of my laptop, studying daily. I have gained a fuck ton of weight and my overall health has declined tremendously.... I used to be athletic and well built, but ever since I began studying for my Boards, everything went down hill. My parents are supportive (but not really), the constantly keep berating me about my weight, and about how the fuck I can't seem to pass our Boards. I still live with my parents bc COL wouldn't allow me otherwise; I am admittedly poor as fuck.
I feel at a loss for what is going on in my life; please help me.... :
- Do you think living with my parents is really damaging my life?
- Should I give up on passing my Boards?
- How the fuck am I supposed to find time for gaming/rebuilding my social life?
- Please any motivation to not put an end to the whole thing, do it...

slowlylearning1 2y ago
You will have a great career - both respected by man and financially rewarding - with your studies.
Parents and close friends are often the first step to freedom. You feel indebted to them and with friends - they've always know you as this goofball/whatever your reputation was/is. You'll find out who your real friends are once you start living as yourself (most will stick around, but those passive-aggressive/beta pals will hate it) And you'll stop putting up with chumps you've never really connected or liked but felt you had to put on a brave face around them. You don't need to be mean, but you basically start treating people you don't disrespect with indifference. Be kind to the ones who are genuine, you'll find out through time.
Exercising (lifting especially) and eating well are huge. You will feel your self-esteem rocket ; you'll have more sex drive ; you'll notice more women and you'll notice some of them liking you too.
You can rebuild your social life on your own. You join hobbies, clubs, teams, do the hobbies that interest you. Stop looking for validation in others, start looking around the rooms and places you are in, don't hide away. Go to coffee shops, bars on your own. Start being more assertive and stating your mind (you'll know who/where/when and what to say e.g don't tell your boss that he's a beta bucks etc)
If you suffer from self-esteem or anxiety issues. You've had DECADES of these thoughts. You cannot just break free of them. Every set back, knock back or insult can often be dreadful, so it puts you off putting the effort in or even talking to people. You need to push on with this. You'll make mistakes, you might even be called strange by some unhappy person ; but you keep on moving.
IT is hard to begin with. You'll think its all nonsense or not true. You'll probably get oneitis as well (''nah, she's different. She even likes sports,''). Start observing body language, language and rhetoric from people. You'll start to see who's legit and who's not. It takes work though. And its hard going ; but you push on and the world is your oyster, I'm 100% serious.
There are days where you don't feel it. Or you break frame, make bad decisions. You note it all down - in your head or in a diary - and recognise what you did wrong/what to do next and don't beat yourself up when you fuck up. You CAN always learn and there's always tomorrow.
Go for it.
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Thanks for the encouraging words man, appreciate you taking the time to reply
slowlylearning1 2y ago
No problem, dude.
I'm still learning myself, and coming from a very, very almost too beta bucks position/nice guy with depression, trauma to feeling like I am a kid again. It's hard work and if you are prone to depression/anxiety you'll struggle with TRP might even end up purple ; but you persevere when at your weakest and keep pushing yourself, there comes a stage where the DGAF attitude becomes second nature ; and well, honestly you'll be enjoying every single day.
Everyone dreams of retirement so they can live like a king etc. Seriously, if you do enough work on yourself, you will LOVE every single day - and believe me 90% of the population probably never feel this good without being drunk, or high. Its that seriously mindblowing if you are coming from an absolute beta bucks mindset like I am.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Chill man. Chill. Start thinking rationally about this. Study like hell, put what you have to aside, life will work out
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Thanks man, appreciate your words... I am at a tough spot right now
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I got rejected from grad school 3 years straight in a field where a bachelor's degree doesn't get you shit
I get it. It gets better, even if you have to take it next year
benzino 2y ago
Yes. Move out of your parents basement asap.
I think you already knew the answers and the sidebar also made it clear.
These 4 things don't have to be taken in that order. You can totally do all 4 at the same time or prioritize one goal above another depending on your situation. But the important thing is: it takes time and you have to trust the process. It works everytime, all the time, and if you give up before getting results, it's on you, not us.
Personally I think you should focus on something that gives you financial stability first. If you have no money, it makes everything else more difficult.
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Hey man, thanks for taking the time to reply. Appreciate your words
Impressive-Cricket-8 2y ago
Hey, man. I'm a lawyer, and studying for my country's equivalent of the bar exam was not easy for me. The test itself is not that hard, but my emotions were out of control. I took it two times (you can take it as many as you want here) - the first time, while I did pass the first part (a multiple choice test), I got myself a huge sore throat that prevented me for studying for the second (and final) part - all due to stress. So, your mind can fuck you up.
Letting your emotions get the best of you will bite you in the ass, so learn how to process them sooner rather than later. Things will happen in life that will kick you in the balls, and you'll have to face them - the longer you stay down complaining about the pain, the more time you'll waste. Take this opportunity to really face yourself, your choices, your demons, and be honest. Learn how to be forgiving to yourself - don't think everything is your fault, shit happens -, but not too forgiving - even if shit happens, you still have to deal with it.
Living with your parents sucks. Trust me, I've lived longer with mine than I'd like to admit. But if it's necessary, what can you do? Just make your best effort to put your life into gear and get out as soon as possible.
I cannot say much about passing your boards - I have no idea about how your field operates. Is it a must have to go foward? If so, face it head on. If not, considering you won't be taking them now (or ever), what will you be doing then? You should have some plan in place.
It's kinda well known that those on the medical field have no social life, but it can fuck you up mentally. I have been in a similar position (and still am), but forcing myself to go out and see the world helps. If you spend too much time inside your head, you'll eventually focus on everything that you perceive as wrong with your life, and you'll get into a downwards spiral - don't let it happen. Go out for a walk around the block; go to the mall or the park and sit on a bench, watching people passing by; go get groceries.
Another thing I'd add is that you should have a hobby - and it should be sacred. If you're religious, find some time for your religion; if not, find something else that'll make you focus on something outside of yourself. You could go for skills - learning how to cook, picking up the guitar, joining some language classes (those look good on your CV); maybe something athletic - joining the gym, finding a group to play soccer every saturday afternoon, going hiking with friends. Just find something that can offer you some sense of accomplishment (and of community, if you can find it) and stick to it.
Don't focus too much on what other people are doing. I know it's somewhat innevitable - especially with those who treaded a similar path - but just trust me on this one. Some rich people have lived pretty much paycheck to paycheck until they struck gold, some have had a string of failed relationships before finding a good partner - shit happens. Maybe you're in the wrong city, maybe you're around the wrong people, maybe you're reading the wrong books. Sometimes things just don't work - until something happens and they do. Your friends who are getting married may be getting divorced in a few years, you acquaintances who are going strong in their carreers may suffer a burn out, who knows. Life happens. Shit happens.
It's hard - and somewhat painful - to feel like you're stuck at some point in life. Like you're looking for a key to a door in a videogame that you should have found but haven't, and now you're retracing every step to the beggining of the game searching for the damn key. And since this videogame is custom made for you, you can't search online for a walkthrough - at most, there are some generic indications or vague directions, and that's even more frustrating. But you have to carve your path in life. If the door is closed, pick the lock - or get an axe, or some C4, or throw a brick at the window, something. But it's got to be your own path.
If you can, try some therapy. Yeah, many people will tell you it's a waste of time and money - and the odds are that they're not completely wrong. For therapy to be effective, a few stars have to align: the therapist has to know his shit, he has to understand your situation, you have to feel a connection so you will trust him with your issues and will take his points seriously, and his method has to be one that works for you. And even then, maybe it just doesn't work for you. But if you've been thinking about ending it all, just having someone to listen to you in a regular basis could help. If it doesn't click for you, try a different one. Maybe therapy is not for you; it happens. But at least give it a try.
As someone else has said, focus on your purpose. The hard part is knowing what it is but, once you know it, just keep at it. But it's a marathon, not a 100-meter dash, so be mindful of your pace. It's better to do a bit every day consistently than trying to do everything in two days after spending a month doing nothing. That works for pretty much everything in your life, so remember it.
Finally, read Rudyard Kipling's If and WIlliam E. Henley's Invictus. Depending on the day I prefer one or the other, so read both and see which one speaks to you more. If you know portuguese (or is OK with translators), try Vinicius de Moraes's Poética.
This got longer than I imagined, but I hope you can take something useful from that. Just hang on a bit, focus on your immediate things without losing sight of the broader world, and understand that life won't change in a month or two. It may take some time, but as long as you put in the effort, changes will happen.
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Thanks man, appreciate your words... You are right, my mind is taking a hold on me... Man I love this forum, you guys are giving me hope
Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
take a deep breath. You're going to be fine. You will pass your boards. As I understand it, you have already finished your medical degree? Right, that means your are almost there. If you didnt' fail or drop out of medical school, that means you have what it takes.
Excercise daily, and study. And do nothing else. Twice a day excercise is going to get you over the line. I would schedule a 30 min 5k run in the morning, and a weight lifting of 45 minutes in the evening, and do this every day. It changes your thinking dramatically.
I got a bit depressed in the lockdowns simply from to much sitting around. Excercise is worth it for the positive effects on mental health alone.
So do that and report back.
Oh, and don't bother with moving out of your parents house just yet (as some others have suggested) - it will take a ton of your attention and resources away from your goal - which is to pass board.
the moment you pass board - they you can move out - that will be your reward
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Thank you man, I will follow your advice. You truly are helpful
RiverChill41 2y ago
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Thank you for responding, yeah you are right. I appreciate your words
whytehorse2021 2y ago
As an MD you know that stress releases cortisol and damages your body which damages your brain. Here's a pro tip from someone with a masters in Education: learn the Cornell note making method. You'll jump to 90% memory retention.
Also, as an MD, you know that exercise gets rid of cortisol. Free up some time with Cornell method and use that to exercise. I was playing racquetball right before I had to go solve the wave equation for a Hydrogen atom. 12 page answers to take home tests in Physics.
You might not know this as an MD but when you're in college your brain overuses neurotransmitters and they must be replenished. The natural source is dimethylaminoethanol(DMAE) which crosses the blood-brain barrier and is converted to acetylcholine. DMAE is present in fatty fish such as salmon, sardines, and anchovies. I hate those fish so I just got supplements :).
FrancoAP Should i (x1) 2y ago
Thanks man, will follow your advice.. I appreciate you taking the time to reply! :)
RiggzHatesYou 2y ago
You lay out in your post all the things you know you should be doing that will positively change your life, yet here you are posting about it. Make those changes, come back in a year.