"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

Back in 2018, after 9 years of marriage my wife said she wanted a divorce and that was her reasoning. I was an excellent father and beast of burden, and I tried all the things I could think of in my naive mind to keep the spark alive. I pulled us from poverty into the middle class while she stayed home. Why would she feel this way? What does that even mean? I was determined to save my marriage.

Her reasoning rang like a bell in my head, I had to have answers. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." I scoured the internet, talked with friends, spoke with a therapist. Everyone's answer was missing the mark. It's just a phase, do something romantic, get marriage counseling, open up the relationship... What a fucking load of crap, no one had the answer. That was until I found a link to a post on the red pill reddit talking about this apparently very common phrase. Dozens of men had been hit with the same combo. It means she's fucking someone else, or has plans to. Sure enough, not long after this desire to split up, I found her in contact with an ex from years ago that she had been communicating with for the better part of six years and she had recently met up with him. I was devastated. I think I actually had multiple heart attacks from heartbreak. It was unbearable.

We had to live together for 5 months after this went down while I purchased a home, and she agreed to stop contact with that dude and give me that time to work on our marriage, though she said nothing could change her mind. I cried every day multiple times a day. Before this I could count on one hand the number of times I cried as an adult. I had found the red pill about 2 months into this. It was a treasure trove of knowledge, a place where my confusion was laid bare. I finally knew what I did wrong, and what I had to do, I accepted my loss. TRP helped me feel better about my situation by making sense of my confusion. It affirmed many of my beliefs and opened my eyes to the mysteries of men and women. I was already on a warpath of self improvement while I sought to win back my wife, and when it was clear that wasn't a possibility, I made my exit with grace.

I'm so thankful now for that divorce, because without it I would have never found TRP and my sons would have been raised to repeat my mistakes. My journey since finding TRP has been great. I've never hated women, had trouble getting laid, even when I was fat, but I used to immediately go from playboy to man servant the moment I accepted a woman as my girlfriend. I've continued to lurk all of this time and it's kept me from devolving back into my old ways.

I was puzzled why my friends (girls), although very nice and helpful, always go for the biggest AMOGs in the group. They all used to lament how their exes were all jerks or whatever, but they wouldn't date a simple, down-to-earth dude.

That was when I started studying about relationships from an evolutionary. psy/bio perspective. David Buss, Miller (The Mating Mind), etc. I later got to known about r/theredpill because, while all these academics are good, they lack the practical application of the mating/dating game. It was mostly pure curiosity at that point.

It's only very recently that I decided to study the TheRedPill properly, after some other life plans fell off. Thought if I'm going to play the game, I might as well do it with tools that actually work.

Thank you for the posts.

So interesting to read all our experiences in finding the red pill.

In early university. Typed "Why are women so cold to me?!!?!?" in G**gle, before they had adequate SEO-Voodoo to whisk away RP-related pages. Discovered PUA content, which was my gateway drug to the Manosphere. Dabbled in MRA nonsense for a bit, got sick of it, found RP, stuck with it.

I've never looked back since.

Basically typed "why are all women sluts" in Google after my college oneitis pissed me off and went on dates with multiple guys after telling me she wasn't ready for anything. I tried a dozen other searches in Gaygle before typing that in out of facetious spite. Almost didn't type that search in

Found some pickup artist page where "red pill theory" was mentioned in some footnote of the page

I almost didn't read all the way down to the footnote to begin with and after seeing "red pill theory" almost didn't search it. When I did search it I saw it was a reddit page. I clicked into it and then exited it because I thought that couldn't possibly right for it to only be in a reddit page.

Googled red pill theory for the next half hour before finally reclicking on reddit and giving it a read.

There were several steps in a single sitting where I almost did not find TRP

Thank God I was pissed that night and had nothing better to do. Changed my life

I think it must be about 15 years ago now. It was back when TRP posts would sometimes end up on the front page of Reddit, and that's how I discovered it. Immediately caught my attention, because they were saying stuff that was already rudimentary on my mind, but that I didn't have the vocabulary or the connected dots to make congruent sense of. It was pretty mind blowing and exciting at the time.

At the time, I was quite frustrated with women. Just didn't like them, and what they were about. I'd have flings and girlfriends etc., but always ended up getting frustrated by them after a fairly short time. I had this covert contract in my head, where I expected women to be more like dudes, and my girlfriends to basically be like "mates with vaginas". And when they couldn't live up to that, I'd either dump them or get dumped. Oh yes, there's been plenty of beta, needy sperging out on my part in that whole equation. Some outright embarrassments too.

I'd spend time online, arguing with feminists and that sort of thing. I was firmly engrained in the thought that there were "feminists", and then there were "other women". Bunch of horseshit, of course. There are only "women", and "feminism" is by and large a political extention of female nature. But in my eyes, it was all about politics back then (rather than biology). Politics had somehow ruined women, and you could appeal to them by making logical sense. Kinda makes me lol, thinking back on it.

So I was already in the anger phase when I discovered TRP. But as the various concepts matured in my mind, I got a greater understanding of women, the cards they're handed, what I can expect of them, and what I can't expect of them. And on that backdrop, they actually do have a lot of good stuff to offer. It's just that figuring out "the meaning of life", and that sort of thing, isn't part of it. That stuff is between you and your actual mates. A woman will never be able to blow my mind, and that's fine. Her job is to blow my dick, and just generally be a pleasant person. And I don't need a woman to be privy to all my thoughts, so that we can have a "connection" or whatever gay shit. That stuff is a narcissistic fantasy. Women are on a "need to know basis", and frankly, so are we to them.

"We teach men to appreciate women for what they are, so that they won't resent them for what they can never be" is something that resonates with me. I think it was Rollo Tomassi who said it.

But more importantly, I got a greater understanding of how influential I actually am when it comes to shaping my own sphere and the people in it, and that I'm ultimately responsible for leading women into my frame, so that I can have a better time of it. And that's not something you can achieve by being "logical" or "making sense". It's rather about just doing whatever the fuck you want, and to have inner game. They're either in on the ride, or they're not. But it's my ride, and they're always replaceable. In any case, the chances of them having a good time (or whatever time they crave) increase when I'm having a good time. So I make it a mission for me to have a good time.

Now I'm married and a father. I went into it with my eyes wide open, already red pill (whatever the fuck that even means), and with enough experience on my back. And I really don't think I'd be able to enjoy that life if it wasn't for coming at it, from the beginning, with a red pill mindset, with boundaries clear and set, and with a good dose of enlightened self-interest. Now, it's never going to be just smooth sailing, and there's always more to learn. But I enjoy and appreciate the game. The game sharpens you, and demands stuff of you that ultimately is good for you, and makes you happy.

I was booted off reddit for some comments that I made. Ironically, the post that got me banned was wildly popular. Even women were upvoting it. It got thousands of upvotes and comments, lasted about a day, and then got a temp ban. Posted a bit more, got banned again.

I think it was the lack of free speech that brough me to this forum. There is basically no free speech on any of the mainstream platforms. This is much more of an issue than most people realise. It means that men are turning away from the mainstream, because they are not welcome.

TRP is about much more than 'game' and picking up chicks. It's about men being actually able to speak to each other, without 'the parents' (gov/tech coalition) watching over us. Half the time I just want to shoot the breeze. I get as much out of chatting about chainsaws than I get out of talking about chicks.

When/How did you find The Red Pill?

Friend told me about it in passing, along with a heap of warnings about the place. I took to it like a duck to water.

When I was like 18. I was socially inept and needed to lose my virginity and literally had no idea how to talk to women. I grew up isolated and simply didn't know how to make friends or talk to people which led me to stay in some very abusive friendships. I also needed more answers on how to meet women besides the typical advice that bluepill people preach, it just wasn't working for me.

Edit: I'll just say that the red pill has helped me fuck some women and make friends and get out of my comfort zone. I'm lifting weights, dressing better, approaching women, getting to the school of my dreams, being nicer to myself, etc.

I heard about redpill in the past.

losing my ex oneitis brought me here and it changed my life for the better.

read sidebar, hit the gym, and went back to spinning plates.

I got burned at the stake. Twice. That's when I realize there was something not right with ME. Now, here I am! \o/

I went searching for a real life version of the red pill. Like I had The Matrix version in my mind but I was curious if it was some kind of allegory for something much more real. That's when the reddit group came up. At first I rejected it because it didn't match my programming. I came back months later out of morbid curiosity and here I am years later.