I was doing incline bench press and standing next to the bench and looking directly ahead while resting between sets. A girl was wearing headphones and was walking back and forth in my line of sight just doing nothing. I glanced at her, she looked at me, I looked away. I then went to the water fountain on the other side of the room and she also came over, she said hello to some other guy at the water fountain. I went back to the bench and she started walking around back and forth doing nothing again. I glanced at her a couple more times, then another guy she knew came over and they dapped each other up. He left right away and she was still hanging out there. I gave her a wave the next time we made eye contact (she was wearing headphones) and I said "Do you need something to do (tone/expression probably conveyed that I thought she was acting funny), cause I could use a spot". She gave a little smile (think her expression meant she was surprised by the request/found it unusual but seemed a little excited) and said sure. I did 9 reps and she helped me with the last one and said "you got it". I let out a little 'woo' after the set and said thanks while I was getting up. After I finished she immediately moved on to the leg press machine, didn't even look at each other.
She wanted me to talk to her almost certainly right? No one else was in that area and she wasn't even looking for equipment or resting next to equipment, just milling about 5-8 feet in front of me.Did I open in the wrong way or maybe my voice/facial expressions weren't appropriate. I wasn't going to chase her once she moved on.
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Matthew 2y ago
Ok help me understand this -- the first or second time we glance at each other I should give her a small IOI, she may look away, continue looking at her, and give her the same IOI when she looks back. Then ignore her. Why is this a superior approach to glancing at each other a few times and then me saying hello? Me opening seems too needy? I thought most girls are too afraid of rejection to approach, isn't her putting herself in my way what girls usually do to 'approach' unless the guy is super high value.
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mattyanon Admin 2y ago
I can't tell if this is alpha level genius or mental retardation
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mattyanon Admin 2y ago
haha
Err... ok....
right
Probably.
All good, but here's what I think is going on:
She wanted to talk to you. You ask to spot you. She's excited. While spotting you she thinks "err... he doesn't really want me... he just wants a spotter" and then she bails to avoid rejection/discomfort.
That's the problem with functional requests... "what's the time / can you spot me / etc".... they don't compel people to continue the interaction.
Next time stop midway through your set...... introduce yourself, shake hands, carry on, THEN KEEP TALKING
Another observation: you're not talking to enough women if you care so much about IOI's.
Matthew 2y ago
I'm not talking to girls in general at all, correct. I would like to start doing it, but the gym is currently the only place where I see girls, and I see the same ones over and over again.
I'm an ectomorph so I don't look big in clothes, however at the gym in a tank top it's clear I'm an advanced lifter. I've gotten IOI from several different girls at the gym. Some even approached me under the pretense they were asking for help, or looking for equipment I was nowhere near.
I'm not used to interacting with them at all though, I tend to panic when we make eye contact except for the 2 cases where I was getting extreme IOI and still failed. I'm worried if I continue looking at a girl for a few seconds and smiling and she's not interested I'll be labeled as a weirdo. So when I make eye contact with one and they don't react facially I usually look away quickly since I will be seeing them again.
I think starting with girls who give or have previously have given IOI since I see the same ones is a safer approach then cold approaching girls in the gym. Maybe next time I see one, can make eye contact and smile and if they respond positively just go up and say "Hey, how are you", I wanted to introduce myself, my name is Matt, I'm impressed with your discipline/physique/effort etc. Then talk to them about exercise what they like about it, what their favorite exercises are, idk.
I find it helpful to imagine how the conversation should go before it happens as otherwise I have nothing to say, as I don't talk to people, so I don't know how to. I need more of a plan for what to say and what to invite them to do because it's not something that I am experienced in or comes naturally to me at all.
I find human interactions very confusing because I've never talked to anyone ever basically. I've never seen what flirting looks like or done it myself or made an emotional connection with someone. I did have sex a few times several year ago using shirtless selfies on OLD, but I basically just asked the girls if they wanted to have sex, there was no game or emotional connection or any conversation really involved in it.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Ok.... the weirdo/creep label is for guys who stare at them.
How to be not creepy:
Meet their gaze and SMILE. Look away, don't stare at them all the time. Ideally they look first, you catch their gaze, you keep looking, and you keep smiling. Then it's them looking at you and you meeting their gaze.
Creepy is when they catch you looking at them and you don't smile and they aren't attracted to you.
Ultimately you won't be creepy if you meet their gaze and GO TALK TO THEM. Read the signals. If they're into you and laughing and chatting you're fine. If they look uncomfortable / easing away from you / looking away all the time / looking for escape then you're pushing too hard and need to back off. Women give very very clear signals that they are not comfortable with your presence. If you don't get these, you're fine.
You are shitting where you eat though. The worst problem here is when you stop fucking them but you're still there. This triggers HR complaints because you don't try and marry them........ I've had this a lot in my social circle: women who complain about me when they realise (or are told) that I'm not exclusive. Women do pull this shit.... is your gym somewhere you're prepared to sacrifice?
Yes, especially for an attractive beginner.
Ok.
You don't need a whole plan here. Go up to them, introduce yourself, smile, and have a plan for what's next.... you don't need to go for flattery, just something to keep the convo flowing. Fundamentally this needs practice and not planning.
This is terrible and it's because you lack experience.
You don't want a plan because she also has a plan and you need to completely wing it.
Learn 5 things to talk about and have them ready to go....... but that's it. You gotta practice this my dude, and it's gonna go badly a few times and that's fine. You can't plan this out, this is a conversation, planning it out in advance is weird and robotty and doesn't work.
Ok dude...... you need to get friends and build a whole social life. There's stuff on my blog here on TRP about how to do that, but you gotta learn to be social with everyone.
You can't plan it out, you gotta build a social life. It's tough, it takes time, it takes practice, but this is the only way you're going to get a decent sex life.
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Matthew 2y ago
What does that mean in this case? Just continue standing there ignoring her and leaving her in my peripheral vision? Glance at her every once in a while? Smile at her when we make eye contact, then ignore her again?
whytehorse2021 2y ago
She was trying to get noticed. That's also how you can always spot a prostitute. They're just standing there doing nothing(in a red light district).