I'm 24 and have no success with women whatsoever. Never had. I heard of TRP a couple of years ago but didn't take it serious because everything related to "manosphere" has a bad reputation. Well, I tried being a "good guy", got kicked to the curb and now I'm here...
I'm not a horny guy, I was never chasing girls. Not that interested in sex (I don't even masturbate) and I want companionship more than anything. I thought the "right one" would come along eventually but that didn't happen and it won't. There were some girls that showed interest in me and either I turned them down or I actually caught feelings for them and turned from cold and distant to desperate and I lost them everytime.
With the latest woman, I was somewhat engaging with her in a non-weird way. We saw each other regularly at school because, well, she was my teacher. When I first got into her class I didn't see her as a potential partner initially, but as time went on she gave me a lot of attention. I was pretty good, always had something to say in class. Even when I told my friends why a book fucking sucks she wanted me to repeat for everyone. I was writing the best papers and shit. Even other teachers told me how they heard how talented I was. That teacher and I would talk after class almost every week. It actually helped my grade because I wanted to be praised more, but on the flipside eventually I became addicted to it and I felt like shit when I wasn't getting enough attention. Felt like hell when a topic was shitty, I had nothing much to say and was pretty much invisible.
She usually left classrooms quick and only really talked with me but over time she opened up in general. Once I was walking the hallways and heard her in another classroom talking to students for a good while. I became jealous as hell and afterwards when I sat in her class I felt like shit; I didn't get anything done. After class she came to me, other people were still there so we got into an empty room and talked. Day was over so we had all the time in the world. We talked for almost an hour. Obviously, I didn't tell her I was jealous because that would be insane, so I talked to other stuff that was coincidentally going on in my life and she listened to every bit of it. At the end she told me how I feel and I said I feel weird because now she knows all about me and I know nothing about her. She told me I needed to graduate. I asked: then what? And without hesitation she says that then I'm not a student anymore and we can get to know each other better. It hurts remembering that moment.
I had her in the bag but I couldn't help my feelings. And what's worse is that our school used some kind of WhatsApp, iMessage thing dedicated to schools, meant to hand in homework and stuff. It was implemented when Corona was still a thing. In class and on that app in her DMs I was blowing up on her almost constantly. I don't even remember all the shit I did but at some point I had to talk against her, a counseling teacher and the principal. I said if she made feel bad I make her feel bad and after a bit of a back and forth ... nothing really happened tbh. I talked to her solo shortly after, I didn't even apologize, I said that usually teachers liked me, so I'm not sure what's going on and life went on.
And with all the abuse she took I actually felt bad for her. I was swapping from "I like her" to "I hate her" constantly and she bend over backwards to keep me entertained. With time I became more stable again, especially after exams were done. I blew up less and less and apologized more and more because I decided I was done with changing from love to hate - I just wanted to love her and be good.
The last couple times we saw on normal school days we talked but she stopped saying goodbye when usually she'd do it and even tell me to have a good afternoon or weekend or whatever. So I texted her what's up with that. She said she didn't notice she forgot to say bye. I said I didn't believe her. She ignored me, which triggered me. I went on some kind of rant and my last message was asking what I needed to do for her to just be nice to me (yikes). She straight up told me to stop texting and nothing else. Usually she'd try to calm me down but the script flipped.
I did stop texting her. Couple weeks later we met at the graduation party. She told me I was two-faced and that, if I should ever write a book and give autographs she'd go get one but we shouldn't see each other for a while. I told her that's not what she said in winter and she told me not to cling to the past. We need space and I can come back in a year or so on open day... As a person, I stopped liking her long before that and it still hurt like hell and still does a month later because she so easily forgot about me, which hurts my ego a lot. She took all my abuse and the moment I was vulnerable she hit a switch. I just can't believe it. She tried so hard to appease me for almost two years and now I don't even exist to her anymore.
So, now I'm here and properly reading up on everything. The side bar, the rational male blog and the more I read the more it clicks. And I don't like that.
Everything I ever wanted was to be loved and have a reliable partner on my side. If I was given the choice I would go for that even if it meant staying a virgin forever. But the moment I want to commit to someone they run away. I just can't imagine sex with someone who I don't already love and now I'm learning sex is supposed to come first. It's almost like I have the instincts of a woman. Fuck yeah, I want some stability, what the hell?
I know I can't have a second mother.. but like, why? Like, is this all love will ever be? Do I always have to be confident, hold my frame? I was down and got kicked in the gut. I don't want this. I don't want to always be stable and I literally can't as I have narcissistic tendencies (a double-edged sword as this has story taught me). I don't want to chase and have sex and spin plates and shit. I want to be enchanted, fall in love and be with one person and that's just not happening and I guess it won't be happening until I can play beta provider for a chick, which sounds absolutely fucking miserable.
I'm wondering if all the work you have to put in, all the pain you have to endure is even worth it. The one thing I want is something that I can't have. I have a disease that has no cure and whatever else I can get just doesn't sound all that appealing to me. What's the point? But I don't want to be lonely either... I just don't know. I desperately want to swallow that blue pill but at the end I will learn the truth again anyway. There's just no escaping it and it's killing me inside.
Edit: Also, I feel I got played like a damn fiddle. Now that that all has been a while I feel more ashamed than heartbroken. All those times I pushed her away and then at the end she finally had me hooked and that was enough for her. I feel used, somehow... And I'm even more of an idiot because this shit is on my mind 24/7 while she's moved on instantly. Played me then dropped me like a bad habit. Whatever game we played she won and I lost and I can't get that win back.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Did you read the Sidebar? I strongly suspect you did not
THE SIDEBAR
dongking 3y ago
Do you lift? I also recommend getting your T-levels checked. Sounds like you might have messed up hormones.
MovinCruisin 3y ago
Best I can do is some push ups now and then and going to the skatepark. I probably have low testosterone. I suspect that but I've never seen it as an issue. But you are right, I should get things checked out.
Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
When you go make sure they check free testosterone, serum testosterone and estrogen. Like that you get the whole picture, otherwise it's worthless. Maybe also check stuff like if you have magnesium/iron/etc. -defficiencies
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
Surely, that is not the best you can do.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Have you seen the youth these days? They are so weak they can wear ladies jeans(aka skinny jeans).
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MovinCruisin 3y ago
She knew what she was doing. She did the things I wanted until I let my guard down, while testing what she could get away with. When I was in the driver's seat I always gave her another chance eventually. When she was in the driver's seat the game was over. She knew she could have me and that was enough. It was all for her ego.
Is there any way I can be happy with a woman knowing that she's gonna drop me the moment my confidence crumbles? Will sharing my needs always end in a loss of respect? I can't help that I'm extremely needy. When I send a text I need an answer within a day or I lose my mind.
I sorta feel like I combine alpha and beta behavior. Like, one moment I won't give a shit, not back down, be controlling and get away with it. Next moment I'm struggling with my emotions big time and crave attention. I can't let a thing go, I have to blow up. I dunno. When we first met, I was a lot more stable, but things changed due to personal circumstances. I became an insecure asshole and at last a beta. It's embarassing.
[deleted] 3y ago
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MovinCruisin 3y ago
Thank you. I kind of have a mental block in that I'm not touchy with women at all but I see that's an issue and I will work on it. Why minimize hugging?
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financehardo420 3y ago
You sound like you have low T and you also sound like the textbook definition of an incel aka my former roommate. First thing is you need to snap out of this nice guy bullshit. that’s nothing but dreams Disney sold you. Get the words beta provider out of your vocab unless you lowkey got some weird ass cuck fetish of watching a chad fuck your woman. In the real world girls prefer to be treated like shit. There is a very good reason why “nice guys finish last” has been a thing since like the 80s or 90s bud. Eliminate this sort of scarcity-rooted, emasculated way of thinking. The world is your oyster; take and do as you please (as long as it’s consensual).
Bro im all for milfs n shit but the entire interaction between you and your prof was one of the most cringe things I’ve ever read in my life. Mans got oneitis for his prof lmfaooo.
Here’s the cure: for low T start taking Maca powder, ashwaganda, tongkat Ali, zinc, d3, calcium, daily Vitamins etc. in addition start lifting and lift heavy. Miss me with them pussy ass push-ups; push yourself every day and force yourself to grow and develop a muscular frame - it is absolutely essential to attracting hot chicks. You wouldn’t wanna fuck a fat whale or a bitch that looked like a toothpick; same thing w chicks lol. After you’ve started making progress, start socializing. You’re extremely behind the curve and you have to make up for lost ground. Make friends and then start going out and talking to girls. Practice makes perfect; eventually you’ll be able to hone out what works/doesn’t work based on your individual style. Build a roster so you can finally learn what abundance with women feels like. Abundance will set you free king. Yes it’s a lot of work but the most worthwhile pursuits in life take a lot of work. It’s hard to get abs, it’s hard to get rich, and ya it’s hard to have abundance. I think it’s harder to be fat and ridiculed, harder to be poor, and harder to live your life watching other dudes take home the pretty birds and go home w your dick in your hand. Choose your hard my guy
“Treat em like dirt and they’ll stick to you like mud.”
MovinCruisin 3y ago
What's funny is she wasn't even MILF-y. No children, no husband. Her sidegig was being a dancer at the gym so she was fit and she knew how to dress. Male students would talk about wanting to fuck her while I'd sit there thinking about how I'd love to have her as a girlfriend... I also thought that, you know as a teacher and with a second job she must make some serious dough. So, yeah, guess I have a feminine mindset.
What I found weird (but not anymore) is that she was late 30s but acted like 16. She could never take accountability for anything. Back when I was in charge I had to force an apology out of her, which actually worked that time, but never again.
I feel like an idiot for feeling bad for treating her like shit. This is what fucking worked. I fell for the communication is key meme and got thrown out like trash instantly. And now she goes on with her life, I'm left broken and there are no repurcussions for her for that at all. She doesn't give a shit, no one else on this planet gives a shit except me, so if I cry I'm just gonna be whiny asshole, a mysoginist who needs to get over it or whatever.
If that's they way of the world I don't wanna live in it.
Bulba 3y ago
The main issue I see here is that you seem to be obsessed about this woman and you wrote an entire essay about her, even though she friendzoned you for what seems to be several months.
The kind of guy who gets laid is always talking to several women and is not heavily invested into any of them.
There are probably several things you should fix in your life but simply talking to more girls seems to be a good start.
MovinCruisin 3y ago
I could excuse us not doing it because sleeping with a student could cost her her job. By the time I graduated she lost all interest in me. She said we needed distance because I have expectations too high, so yeah, that's when I got friendzoned. She'd like me to visit when school's open for visitors in like a year lol... no chance in hell I'm going. My crazy ass actually sent her an e-mail two weeks after I graduated, outlining what I don't like about her and that we can never be friends. Cringe, I know, but I really didn't want things to end on the note of me being all depressed at the party letting her talk down on me. Just simply walking away is the hardest thing ever but I guess that's what I should have done but it doesn't matter now. For what its worth, I refuse to play second fiddle. There is no saving this. Still, I need more time to process everything.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
I 100% agree with @dongking that you should get your T levels checked if you're 24 and don't want to stick your dick in chicks(or dudes or your hand). If that's normal then you're just asexual and you should get a dog for companionship.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
What i find most funny about this post is this line, together with a recounting of you clearly being a simpy little cunt. So you were neither a good guy nor an attractive and masculine man.
This is the thing with being blue pilled. Most "nice guys" arent nice at all. They're just needy, horny and stupid. Blinded by feminist soyciety. Brainwashed and told to use a mating strategy that's neither natural nor effective.
Red pilled guys arent tools for the playmakers and beneficiaries of Clown World to use as they see fit. Thats why, and only that.
Not everyone in the manosphere is a good influence - it certainly attracts a lot of shitty people - but most of the core concepts are true, necessary and useful if you want to live a fulfilled life.
MovinCruisin 3y ago
What's the difference? I would say talking about my feelings and apologizing is being nice, polite, what have you and being a cunt, too. I definitely lost my cool and I have a while ago but I could make it seem like I didn't care about her until I couldn't hold it anymore. All the times I was angry or sad because of her I could always deflect and state other reasons why that is.
I mean, other things did weigh on me as well. My clique completely dissolved after one dude got kids and other one got into a deep depression and had no energy for anything but sit at home and play videogames.
True that. Is it fulfilling though? I just don't see it. Women can stop loving you at the drop of a hat. How am I supposed to love a woman knowing they'll just leave me on a whim? What's the point of being with someone if they aren't there for you when you're down?
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
You are supposed to love yourself first and foremost, so that if a woman you love chooses to leave you for someone else, you know you'll be okay either way.
Not really. This is what's called the light switch effect. Usually it's because the guy doesnt pick up on the signs of her already faltering attraction, or he does something incredibly gay, so that it seems instant but really probably isnt.
This simplistic thinking is what keeps guys from really swallowing the pill. They find half baked reasons as to why women are awful and not simply (female) humans with set biological programming to account for.
Nothing has changed but your perception. Love yourself. Build yourself up. Manifest abundance. You cant lose this way.
MovinCruisin 3y ago
Makes sense. Before this whole thing happened I was actually happy af. Had friends, pursued my hobbies, got along with all of my classmates, studied hard... I walked around like I owned the place.
I remember one time I came from break into her class. It was the last of the day and we were all exhausted. She said that it's hard for her, too to stand here at the end of the day. For some reason she ordered me to stand in front of class and she sat down in the back on my seat and everyone watched me. I didn't do anything, really, but I wasn't scared or anything. This was before I liked her and before she started praising me. Looking back on it now, maybe it was a test?
I'm someone who analyzes every single interaction with another person. Her interest lowered for sure, but she still tried to get along with me even after I damn near shouted at her telling her she was a shitty teacher in front of everyone. I was an asshole but I did also compliment her when she deserved it. Things turned around instantly when I showed my clingyness. I think that's when it made click to her that I was always clingy and not the tough guy I pretended to be. She told me at the end I am really a sensitive guy. For what it's worth, at least I wasn't the only fool. She tried to get me to like her for two years only for me to end up being undesirable. What's funny is that she even increased her workload for me.
In the principal's office the principal thought maybe it would help me if I got different tasks (because I always complained about what we had to do in class and stopped participating), to which the teacher agreed, only to then not do it. I talked to everyone about it who had a say and teach and I ended up talking to each other with the help of the school counselor and I forced her to actually keep her promise and give me additional stuff to do. So I participated more in class and at the same time did the bonus stuff and saved my grade. So at least I got that.
Right. Now that some time has passed, I feel like it was all a blessing in disguise. I didn't like her as a person, I was simply just addicted to her attention and I still would be now if we got together. I had a really hard time getting anything done when I was mad at her or sad and I had extreme mood swings, more than I ever felt in my life. I was miserable. Now I feel a lot more stable and I can focus on my own life again. And now that I understand that no woman will ever my mom, not even MILFs, I'll stop fussing so much. I feel like a fool wasting so much energy on her.
slowlylearning1 3y ago
An interesting read, and have to agree, about oneitits - no one writes that much depth about somehow they don't either really like or know anything about.
You have a lot going for you though, so all is not lost.
Get the T levels checked, and even if they are fine and you are naturally low T/energy guy - there are ways to get better at this. I'm coming out of a huge slump/health issues/depression etc and with a good balanced, healthy diet and exercise your test can get better. I've just started lifting again, twice a week - mostly k/d bells, and gym machines ; I've only been going three weeks but had a great session at the gym on Friday and no joke on Saturday whilst my muscles were sore ; felt fucking on top of the world and finally a MAN.
It's not the be all and end all. You need to do the work on yourself too ; but the more you get out there and even the more criticism/rejections you take, the easier it gets. The first few are hard to hear especially if you are beta/soft and this is coming from someone who's 15 years older than you and REGRET LIKE FUCK wasting those 15 years (from 18-24 I wasn't quite alpha fucks ; but certainly enjoyed life and had met a few decent women) and these last months of getting slowly in to shape has me feeling 21 again.
And I'm not lying to you, I was anonymous to women the last 10 years. I bought in to all the extreme feminism of not even objectifying women and so on so never even flirted or looked a woman in the eye for close on 10 years. Or if I did enjoy the odd conversation with a woman, I failed shit test after shit test by being too weak.
Lifting, exercising, keeping busy and journal writing etc. It's a long road though. You'll think you are getting there and then you'll hear the odd remark , and you might even fail shit tests. You keep going and you'll pass them the next time.
I'm not crazy right-wing or RP in general ; but IMO, TRP is legit. Why are some women now basically rubbing up against me or standing or sitting next to me when I go to coffee shops or bars. I'm basically still monk mode (got another bridge to pass before I even attempt 'game' ) but you'll know and YOU'LL know when a woman is interested.
No pedestals either. The teacher was put on one and I've done it with plenty of women in the past too. Especially if she's gorgeous/your type or doesn't show immediate red flags.
You basically need to rethink what you were taught in school. Up to a year ago, I thought women and men were equal. I was petrified of rejection or being seen as weird etc - I have a massive head, literally big Irish potato head so always had some sort of BDD and assumed I had to settle for less ; and didn't even bother talking to women who were cute, petite, sexy even.
T levels ; start eating/exercising ; read the sidebar along with even seduction reddit etc. Learn about IOIs etc and through time it'll click.
Self-esteem is massive too. Even in the past few months ; there are times I've felt on top of the world and had some success yet the minute a woman shows no interest or even disgust - I would start to sink back in to beta ways. Now I just giggle or laugh if I see a woman visibly disinterested in me ; I'm just repeating what others have said better than this post but if a woman is instantly turned off its WIN WIN - you don't need to waste any time at all even trying to win her over ; just smirk at her and if she says anything ; you laugh it off or say something cheeky.
You can do this!
MovinCruisin 3y ago
Appreciate you giving your perspective on this, thank you.
Well... ONEitis, yeah, but she wasn't perfect to me. I was well aware she's not. And now that it's over and done I have complete NONEitis, because at this point there's nothing I can do except face the fact that I won't ever meet the perfect woman that's gonna love me in a romantic way AND be my mom and always stay by my side. That 40 year old woman behaved exactly like a 16 year old girl, it was unbelievable. But despite her flaws (not taking accountability for anything being the biggest) I thought I could fix her lmao. Because I thought she legit tried to be better but in the end she just did what she had to do to hold my attention and not a bit more. It was a constant struggle, back-and-forth between us. I should have known being beta would end up with me getting abandoned, but in that moment I was so in it, I thought screw it, I can't go on like this. I needed more attention and I needed it right that instance. So I gambled and lost... I shouldn't have been sad and should have expected it but the ultimate rejection hit me hard anyway. And now... I know she isn't the right fit for me, I don't want her back and yet I can't stop thinking about her. I think of her negatively but I still think about her and I know should I ever ran into her it would ruin my entire week. I feel like something is missing but I don't even want what I'm missing. I'm insane.
Good to hear. I'm extremely sensitive to rejection unfortunately, by everyone, but it's worst with women. I need to have my ego stroked and get addicted to praise... It's how I developed crushes everytime. I never saw a girl and just fell in love, it was always that I noticed I'm getting attention and suddenly that girl is extremely hot to me and I wonder how I never noticed. It's wild. The girl before, a classmate, always looked mid to me, but she gave me attention and she wanted mine and then I developed ONEitis within a single week of talking everyday on our ride home via tram and suddenly she looked 10 times better. I felt like I wanted to follow her to the end of the world. Of course I scared her away quickly after that.
I'm in the middle of developing new skills rn. Some work stuff, a bit of Spanish and I'm looking into dancing for a bit of exercise. I love music and singing. I should probably get some guitar lessons, too. Funnily enough, I started journaling after watching that movie Butterfly Effect and exactly the first day I wrote about was the day I realized I had a crush on my teacher, which in a weird way made my ONEitis worse because I wanted to "finish the story"... I couldn't let it go. I even marked the day when she told me I can get to know her once I graduate and read it to the school councelor who I would go to every now and then to talk about my problems. I knew she wouldn't believe me so I took my journal... Won't ever forget that 'Oh' lol. Councelor and my crush teacher were fairly good friends too from what it seemed. After the talk with the principal I even went back to the principal, talked to her in private and after she said there's confidentialy I told her too that my teacher wanted to get to know me. I told one of my classmates as well. There was also that one female classmate that seemed kind of jealous and made jokes about me and the teacher, saying that she loved me. So I joked about that too to tease my classmate and to feel like a king. I milked that shit for all it was worth. I was honestly fucking ruthless the past 12 months. Constant drama and gossiping with everyone about everything.
Right on. Last summer I had a phase where I said screw all of this, I want nothing to do with my teacher and that's where she put in the most effort. After summer break she had longer hair which she kept growing. She cut it down a good bit after I apologized over text in a long message after I told her she was a shitty teacher in front of the whole class. The less I respected her the more she tried. The more I respected her the less she tried. At last I turned full beta and she kicked me to the curb instantly. The girl previous was very similar - I ignored her, she came to me. I talked to her because I felt bad for her and I developed ONEitis and she walked away almost instantly.
Right before Spring break pretty much the entire class was in on the joke with me and my teacher because shortly before, we got exams back and I had a near perfect score and of course everyone noticed that after class I'd often stay to talk with her. Honestly, I thought this whole thing was super romantic, like in a movie... It's forbidden love between very different people, love knows no bounds, love conquers all, yadda yadda. Made the heartbreak even worse. For her it was likely just a thing to make her days more interesting. Now that I'm not a student there's no thrill anymore, plus I acted like a total beta at the end.
At least I know what to do should I ever be in the position of wanting to get rid of a girl... Just be a needy loser and voilá.
On TV it's like, men need to show some grand gestures of love to be loved back. Sometimes the whole story is the boy getting repeatedly rejected and trying again and again until the girl sort of gives in and somehow she ends up loving him at the end. What's up with that? Aren't most movies/shows written by males?
slowlylearning1 3y ago
Message/DM me etc if you want to talk. I'm 100% genuine with that.
Honestly, you're going to be fine. I'm of a very similar mindset. I listened to emo/folk stuf along with self-esteem issues etc. A few rejections, or even the odd 'creep' comment as hard at the time it is to hear will make you!
You're still so young. GO FOR IT! I'm 40 and just realising this!