Maybe I'm being paranoid, or perhaps my intuition is trying to tell me something here... I'm not 100% sure because I haven't battle tested myself socially enough lately. I feel like I've always been able to quickly enough earn respect, and without having to try, at least initially anyway. I'm a fast learner, I work hard, I'm my own man and I don't follow any crowds or people please, I can be very assertive when I need to be but generally I'm laid back, I don't sugar coat shit for people either, I'm reasonably intelligent, I'm not an unattractive person, I'm in decent shape and can handle myself in a fight, etc etc. I feel like there are a lot of good qualities to me.

Yet for some reason, I also feel like maybe I'm not always taken seriously or that I'm underestimated. This isn't all the time, but sometimes I get that sense. Thinking about it, I never really used to care but when I was out the other night, I did notice I was spoken over a couple of times, and in general throughout my life I do feel as though people haven't given me the respect I feel I deserve. They like having me around, but something about me or my behaviour maybe makes them feel that they are somehow more than I am - when they couldn't be more wrong. I'm very capable. Could it be my height? I'm 5'9"... Never considered it before. I'm not always the tallest dude in the group but I've never suffered with a Napoleon Complex. I'm happy with my height. Could it be that I like to make jokes? I am a pretty funny guy generally, but I don't feel like I'm a clown. I amuse myself. I am a little soft spoken, that's not to say I don't have a manly voice, but I don't speak LOUDLY or commandingly unless I really have to. And no, my voice is not effeminate lmao.

Again though, I could just be overthinking which admittedly is one of my worst qualities, so perhaps that's what it is. Or maybe they're all jealous haters, it's not completely outside the realm of possibility and has happened before, but probably not though. I just have no definitive clue. I don't wanna go around asking people for feedback in real life either, because that would make me look weak, and if I do have haters that I'm not aware of, then especially so. Bear in mind for those who already know, I haven't socialised in a long, long time which is obviously going to affect anyone but I plan to change it.

If I knew exactly what it was myself, then I could wrap this issue up immediately. Failing all else, I can definitely say I'm respected as a drummer and musician at the least so I'm not concerned about that.