Sort of an attachment oneitis post, but I wanted further elaboration I couldn't find in the side bar or comments. I seem to be getting attached to girls who fit my type. To be honest I know that she's not a unicorn and she probably is getting plowed by some chad but it doesn't really bother me because I at least know that I shouldnt invest before I even know this girl, nor am I head or heals I just want her for her looks tbh. But my problem is I get hung up on beauty/looks, I can still talk to them and approach and in fact I tend to do better with them the more attractive, but I choke very hard over text or setting up dates and it leads to oneitis because I'll never see this "type" of girl Looks wise again or for a while. And sure there are "hotter" girls but Im talking about my specific look that I like/type you don't find everywhere. Even though I have no intention of dating these girls I get sad/slight onetis because I have no idea how long till I see another girl with this "look".
The thing is it usually fades a couple days or wks and I forget but those first few days after I get the number and she stops responding I just think about how its gonna be months before I find another girl with that look and it pisses me off. I also seem to be valuing sex too much because tbh I would do way more for these girls than they would for me in terms of providing value, but I really want to have sex with a girl my type.
Heartise had a post on this but Im having trouble with finding girls that fit the description part. How can I ignore their looks and stop obsessing over girls of my type ill never see again? I work in a healthcare setting so the imaging them taking a shit does not work because I've seen much worse.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
This is normal. This is a case of legitimate literal population scarcity. Whereas there are plenty of women to bang that are tangential to your type, there are only so many who are your exact type
And then to make matters worse, even less of them are LTR material and they might even not necessarily reciprocally be into you
This is a legitimate zero sum scarcity
When you run into women that are your type, approach them just because. Just enjoy that you have the fortune of running into your exact type, because it doesn't happen often
Make it count. And if you can't link up with one of them go stick your dick in some other cutie
Your problem is the way you are thinking about it. Your attitude and perspective is that of dread and disappointment instead of finding the gem of a find of your type existing out in the world, and better yet, your type doesn't even need to be a 9. A 7 that is your type with barely any makeup will be the best thing ever to you. And then when she does put makeup on you'll love seeing your type all dolled up
Embrace seeing your type out in the wild. Always be improving, and make it count when you do see your type out there
RedPirate751 2y ago
No matter how beautiful she is, somewhere out there a man is sick of her shit. So maybe just imagine her being a total bitch or something lol.
Honestly I think Vermilion is right. I'd add that not all feelings are bad, just acknowledge them for what they are - feelings - and remember that they don't have to control you. You might get a tiny pang when you see a girl that looks like your type, but that's all it is. Its not an obsession, it doesn't mean you're fucked up or anything. You're a normal dude who's got a type.
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
BabyUareSoSexy 2y ago
I have the opposite problem. I have a specific type of girls, and like you, I tend to do better with the more attractive ones. But for some reason, I keep settling for girls who are not my type. I don't know why.
cjtakk 2y ago
Nice, a very relevant post for me. I got a slight oneitis/attached to a girl that I had been seeing and fucking for a couple weeks. She ditched me after a couple weeks. Maybe I lost frame or who knows what happened. I had maybe a week of huge "analyses paralyses" as it hit my confidence a bit and because I catch feelings for my type of girls too. Now I can tell you that after a week it goes away and you'll continue life like normal. Looking back at it, it was nice to meet my type of girl and actually hit it off well and have good sex, but all good comes to an end at some point. She is not mine and it was just my turn :). Time heals everything. Also these type of situations hurt much less than long lasting relationships.
Just continue spinning plates and continue life as normal, even though they might not be your type. I got lucky and managed to set up a date with another type of my girl so lets see how that one plays out.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Bingo! This guy gets it. If you are willing to put your dick in them then consider them for a wife. That's how I found my wife. She was a dorky housewife type chick. I gave her a shot and she came through.