Why does everyone assume I am a soft little bitch? Everyone I interact with assume I am an innocent little pushover. I am actually a pretty tough guy. I know I am not some great warrior but I have more balls than most guys out there. I am actually an amateur boxer. I have had a boxing match. How many people you know would actually have the balls to step into a ring and fight? I can take a lot of shit and keep fighting. I am not trying to brag or boast but I am harder than so many men I know in my life. I had quite a traumatic and hard childhood and adulthood and I have seen a lot of violence in my life as well.
But when I interact with people for the first time, I am usually very sweet and polite so people assume I am very soft and a pushover (including women) and this is kind of getting in the way of my dating life because women assume I am a loser. How do I deal with this?
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2y ago
You can be polite without being a doormat. It seems you don't know how not to be a doormat.
You can also be strong and assertive without being a dick. Learn to do this.
Suggested reading:
"No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover
"When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Why are you sweet and polite? Seriously, WHY?
Probably because you need something from them. Fear of conflict, wanting their approval, wanting them to like you.
This need/fear causes you to be too nice, people detect this, and assume that they can exploit your need for
ethier88 2y ago
Yeah I do have fear of conflict. I used to get beaten or abused by my parents whenever I expressed my anger. Every time I try to set up boundaries, a lot of people turn it around on me make it sound like I am over reacting or I am in the wrong, also a lot of times in my childhood I got beaten up by other guys my age every-time I tried to stand up for myself. I also want the approval of people
Do you have any suggestions on how I can overcome fear of conflict and needing approval? I do not want to be this way forever
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
You want approval to avoid violence. Learn to stand up for yourself...... try more. It's not your instinct, but learn to do it.
The trick is to do it without disrespecting THEM, because then they attack you. State your boundaries, don't demand their behaviour, let them speak, but stay firm. It's tricky but a great skill.
You gotta try and you gotta keep on working on this.