Im not sure If there’s something wrong with me if anything at all. I wanna preface this by saying I will be going to my doctor in a week or so to get further evaluated, but I wanted to hear opinions.

Background: I’m first generation with ethnic parents (African specifically), with very strong cultural roots and traditions. Recently realized mom is a raging Narcissist and extremely prome to anger and dad is an passive enabler, he’s basically scared of her himself .Wasn’t a popular kid per se but I played a lot of sports in hs, was associated/cool with popular kids, so no bullying or anything.

Im realizing My main problem In everything I do is Im so emotional to the point where it’s crippling. If my mood is ruined I literally have trouble staying focused for the rest of the day. So much so that I completely can’t concentrate and my day falls apart. I wear it on my face, you can see the instant mood change I can’t hide it. It affects my interactions with women, men, etc. people call me a space cadet because im often wondering or thinking about something someone said to me. Its crazy too because people see me as social and able to approach girls. But every rejection takes a huge toll, could be in person, online, not answering a snapchat, whatever. Women can see it I know they can, the look of despair when they shit test me and my face reveals my inner turmoil.

But honestly fuck girls im more focused on why it happens with everything. I mess up, or someone makes fun of me. I’ll think about it for hours.

The problem is I don’t know what’s causing it or how to fix it. I’ve read through threads here and apparently an ADHD symptom is emotional dysregulation and my doctor thinks I have it but needs to test further. But then I hear depression mimics Adhd which my doctor also suggested I had. OCD too I literally forgot what I was gonna say in this and its still bothering me lol. Bad sleep is another one. I have low self esteem/self confidence. But then they say children of narcissists are like this. But there all confounding So which is it, what came first the chicken or the egg. Im losing my mind.

For reference Ive been lifting heavy for almost 10years. I have a active social life . I don’t have any of the symptoms of low T I honestly have the opposite of them. I play sports. Tried meditating for a month. I Hang around a lot of men. Firefighter so I do dangerous stuff. I do hate my life though. Been unemployed for a while, absolute number 1 priority is getting job dw.

My emotions completely control me. I don’t want to be a victim and want to take responsibility. But I’ve always been like this so im wondering why. Even in sports when the coach would yell at me id be sad. The main reason I didn’t reach my potential in sports.

Im begging yall how do I go about fixing this?? im tired of my emotions controlling me