Reposted with different title, was unclear before
Every time without fail I have a plate/FWB I get extremely fucking lazy acquiring new prospects or even self sabotage. I know it's just my turn etc. That's not the issue.
Possibly relevant context: I've had one LTR 10 years ago. The rest has been causal sex/causal dating
I have previously left girls for other girls by fucking a new chick, but I just don't have concurrent partners simultaneously
I always cripple my chances of branching out and as a natural consequence, I always get paranoid and curious if my girls are seeing anyone else while they're seeing me and it ends up bothering me.
Why the fuck do I have this mental hang-up? I'm near convinced it has something to do with the fact that I used to be unable to get women at all before two years ago, and also that I've never had to have the confrontational experience of telling a girl I'm fucking another chick too
I think I project my own disgust of a woman schlopping down two dicks at once onto how they'll react (I'm too honest to lie about it if asked)
Still, I'm doing nothing but hurting myself here. My plates/FWBs always end up entertaining another dude even if they're exclusive (I stopped making exclusivity with them)
Why do I have this hang up? I just want to feel free and spin plates so I don't have to keep being anxious about what the fuck they're also doing
What is this self sabotage about and how can I mentally allow myself to have multiple plates?
Any anecdotal advice about how women have reacted to you fucking multiple women would also help. I think that's part of my hangup is just not having had to do it before/projection
I think I'm also paranoid they'll purposely go fuck a giga Chad they otherwise wouldn't fuck if they know I have multiples.
I tend to have more meaningful short term relationships than just pure sex. I don't feel anything when I just drill a hole for nothing but the hole
Lionsmane8 10mo ago
Subconscious programming. It's deeply rooted.
I feel the same, but decided that i will cross that line soon.
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 10mo ago
Notice how many of the best replies echo much of what I've been telling you?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
I have, just have a lot of psychological shit I have to work through from years of turmoil related to the topic
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
@pofkaf
You responded to my post with the confusing title I deleted
Reposting your comment
I've been trp aware since late 2016, but only really practically applied it since two years ago. Had my first FWB in 10 years just last October and almost plate 100% of the girls I fuck.
I mainly just want to fuck multiple women so stop being anxious they're also getting fucked. I don't want to feel like a one-sided cuck. I usually assume I'm a top choice if they repeatedly keep seeing me but obviously it's just my turn if I'm not committing
They never expect me to pay or anything, I'm not suffering in that regard but it keeps invading my mind they're fucking other guys. Generally they say they aren't. They typically say they're only seeing me. It's just they always eventually end up with some.nee prospect around the two month mark.
I think a lot of this really has to do with the pain of a 7 year dry spell I had once. I was lonely and suicidal and was massively insecure about cute women fucking everyone but me. Now I don't have a problem plating 7s and 8s but that was an extremely painful lonely time. I think I'm just mentally scarred and not able to confront some baked in scarcity regardless of how many chicks I'm able to fuck
I suppose I'd prefer an LTR but no one meets my standards for one yet.
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
The catch 22 is I DO like the exclusive aspect but it's unrealistic to have uncommitted exclusivity. The girls always try to hop on another dick a month or two in and I don't ball and chain them
It's just a crapshoot. I like the simplicity of not having to share but it's just unrealistic, I get screwed each time, and pass up opportunities for no reason
Yeah, I'll have to try it and see how it feels
I just morally always feel guilty about the possibility of fucking another chick even though they never hesitate to do it when it suits their needs.
I just always get fucked and I'm tired of the repeated cycle of crippling myself and then starting over with a new chick after they seek another dick. My hangups are stupid as fuck and I know dating is immoral as is, which is why I don't understand why I do this
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
I think I just don't want to hurt girls I care about but at the same time they'd do the same because hypergamy and feels or if they're really deep on their period, drunk, horny, etc
I am in an uneven playing field and I know it but I just can't help it
Maybe the ONS is the way to go. I think I'm worried about plates running into eachother or constantly having plans clash etc
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
I don't expect any. I didn't ask the last few for it, they just unsolicited mentioned they weren't wanting to see anyone else but did anyway to the shock of nobody. I didn't expect them to not do it without commitment
I'm not really pursuing exclusivity, I just keep neutring my own additional prospects for some unknown reason I can't figure out why I keep doing this to myself
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Could be that I used to be unable to get women and instinctively don't want to burn my chances, which makes zero sense because I can get and keep women now
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Bozza 10mo ago
I've never had a woman act negatively or go nuclear because I was seeing other women. For the most part they're generally cool with it. I think that's because they're fucking other dudes as well and it's refreshing for them to deal with a man who "gets it".
I have had women get upset that I was sleeping with others, but that was primarily because they had developed strong feelings for me. They didn't have any grounds to blow up (we weren't exclusive) and they were too invested to walk away. Usually some kind of "what are we?" talk followed.
When I was last single, I maxxed out at 7 plates. That was difficult because I began to forget names, forget which conversations and activities I'd done with who. There was at least two occasions where I called a plate by the wrong name. I expected that to blow up in my face instantly. To my surprise, it didn't. If anything, it added to my SMV and "player" persona.
TRP is very much correct - If they know there are other women in the picture, they will actively try to compete for your attention.
Once you start fucking around for a while, you just accept the situation for what it is.
Do you wanna LTR or wife this plate? If the answer is no then you really shouldn't give a fuck what she's doing when she isn't with you.
Part of this is scarcity mindset, but part of it is deeply rooted beliefs about what a sexual relationship should be. If your beliefs revolve around monogamous type relationships that have a focus on emotional connection, then it's going to take you time to unpack those feelings. It took me a long time.
What you have to understand is that this isn't a zero sum game. Just because she's fucking other dudes, doesn't mean that they've "won" and you've "lost" or that you're some type of cuck. You're winning because you're fucking this girl with zero commitment and she keeps coming back for more.
Women aren't the enemy. Sex is fun. She's having just as much fun as you are having. Once you accept this it becomes a lot easier.
Hell, some of my plates talk to me about the guys they're dating, guys they're fucking. I'm just like hell yeah you go for it. I literally don't care because I know that she will keep coming back because I'm her best option. And for them it's refreshing to be with a guy who is indifferent and casts no judgement on her sexual behaviour.
This has worked really well for me, I basically cultivate a safe space for them. Not only are they free to be a complete slut with me, but they are free to open up about their slutty behaviour, wants and desires completely free of judgement. A lot of them don't have that, their friends will judge, their family will judge, their coworkers will judge, other men will judge.
Intrepid_Place53900 10mo ago
(7 plates) wtf
I couldn't handle more than 2, they were draining me, in every way ....
Agree with you on the , don't care aspect, being cool, no judgement,etc. Girls open up and you learn a lot and it's a very good learning experience. And I didn't care.
It only matters to a girl who you may invest with, a LTR option.
coolsocks00 1 10mo ago
This is a good reply and mirrors much of what i was thinking. This is what it means to swallow the red pill.
As an aside: The extreme focus on body count and the negative aspects of promiscuity in women that is prevalent in the manosphere (lots of you posters included) is only detrimental. It 100% stems from (a) insecurity and the idea that you're not enough, and (b) using red pill tools to reach blue pill goals. It's trad con horse shit. A pipe dream.
You have to remember that young women are MADE to crave cock. Their bodies are fucking screaming for them to get fucked with no protection by the most alpha motherfucker around in order to get pregnant. Time and time again. Dont take responsibility for biology. Dont let their biology be a weight on your shoulders.
With time and effort you're gonna be able to accept the above and deal with your deep-set insecurities (like most of us), while having a damn good time.
To get back on the main question, my answer is: Because you havent done it enough.
A lot of hamstering. Usually silent simmering, sometimes prodding questions. No big blowouts. Much of this comes down to the frame of your relationship. If you're all lovey dovey, taking her real serious, spending a lot of time with her, answering her all the time, you might risk some blowouts.
The last time this happened and something of a relationship talk ensued, my FWB literally said, "I've realised that im just so lucky to have you in my life, and that we're so far apart in how special we are (most women dont understand SMV/RMV), that i just want to enjoy my time with you for as long as i possibly can".
Intrepid_Place53900 10mo ago
I'm all for having a good time with women.
Are you saying, don't worry about a woman with a high N count?
IME , they are real fun to plate and such. But not good for LTR's, for many reasons. Not a good risk/reward situation
coolsocks00 1 10mo ago
That's precisely it. Dont worry about it. Consider the implications of how she acts and what she says rationally, but dont invest emotionally in someone you literally dont even know.
You should not ever look for a relationship. You should be open to it, with the right woman.
And the right woman will be one of your plates, whom over time proves to be someone much more special than you originally thought. Her N-count or number of "casual partners" is going to be pretty much arbitrary except for on a statistical level. Although it is likely to be towards the lower end.
Intrepid_Place53900 10mo ago
hmm, I agree with you on the (you should not ever look for a relationship). Yes, just have fun and enjoy.
If a woman adds value to your life, then consider it. This also takes a long time to prove out. Women will fake, try to pretend to be what you want, until they get what they want "a relationship". Many then change their behavior.
I've seen many women do this, some girls actually would come out and ask me, what do you want, what do you want me to be. Those girls would do just about anything for me. Some of those girls had High N counts, some not.
I'd usually be very cool about talking about sex, past relationships, no judgement,etc. At that point in the relationship, I didn't care at all, I'm just having fun and F'ing her brains out.
I recommend all to do this, you learn a lot about women by hearing them talk like this. It's a VERY Red pill moment for sure when you hear it straight from their mouth.
IME though, the Higher the N, the crazier the girl or the more problems, drama,etc the girl has. So these girls I made a point not to get connected. They were the ones who would do absolutely anything for me.
Out of dozens of girls like this, I've only experienced one girl who is low drama, has her shit together, knows what men want ,etc. It's also a bit unusual, she's old like me, so it seems like she's a girl who "learned" from her experiences.
The younger girls , and if I were also younger, I wouldn't waste time on, if high-N, probably wouldn't get too close. There's always more to choose from
Durek_The_Bald 10mo ago
If that was the case, I wouldn't see an issue with it. Plate spinning is for building internalised abundance, or because you simply enjoy doing that. If you've got an abundance mindset anyways, and don't get hung up on any particular woman + you think juggling multiple women is a bit of a pain in the ass, then there's no rule that says you have to do it.
But then you go and say this:
That's pretty much the opposite of what you said before. This is emotional/ego investment. And if that's case, you probably should make an effort to spin plates.
Sounds like a plausible explanation.
You don't have to tell them anything. Communication is always optional. You don't necessarily need to lie, just DARE. Nobody is entitled to any insight into what you're thinking and doing - not even a wife is entitled to that, much less a FWB.
Sorry, can't help you there. I'm the same as you: Just a long string of FWBs, ONSs, and LTRs, with some overlap from time to time. Never actively, purposely spun multiple women at the same time. And honestly, don't feel like I missed out on much learning because of it.
OPPTRP 10mo ago
Replying because the same things happen to me. Has something to do with online dating I think
unknown39 10mo ago
Because it’s natural.
The current marketplace is a race to the bottom, however, and these natural instincts lower your value in front of superficial women.
These women have higher and higher standards, and a possessive or simple man (wants emotional connection; has no intention or time to spin plates) lose because women instantly think he’s not the best she can get. But women are losing because they are cashing out with less and less relationships after their little ego boost is over.
Contrary to some of the comments, I don’t agree that men shouldn’t judge women. Judge the fuck out of them. Just don’t show it if your goal is to just fuck or spin plates. But never wife one of these hoes or waste your precious time on her.
If you really don’t give a fuck, you can have fun with it. I had a hoe who was entertaining other guys and complaining about men while trying to get lovey dovey with me. I thought that was bullshit.
So, I added her to my close friends on IG and really showed off a lifestyle she will never have access to. Then I implied she should stop being a slut because I have higher standards for women I date. Made her go crazy. Heard she’s lesbian now lol
Another one once rainchecked a date because her guy friend was in town lol She thought I was the chill guy that got it. I’m not. Called her over next week, ducked her silly and then blocked that bitch lol She got a boyfriend in a month.
nicknack 10mo ago
You could try out having two girls you’re genuinely into at the same time. It’s boring and exhausting trying to have a spare plate who you’re not that into.
Your moral conscious won’t feel bad when touching her skin gets your heart pounding, or seeing her text genuinely excites you.
At the end of the day, all dating without real intention to really have her as your woman, wife, the mother of your children is pretty much just sinful fun. It doesn’t matter if you only have one, or have 10.
whytehorse2021 10mo ago
I deal with it by having my ride-or-die chick for my relationship/kids and then just put my dick in random holes when she's ragging or I get sick of the same pussy all the time. Biologically you have 2 mating strategies called K and R. With K you are investing heavily in your limited offspring. With R you are being opportunistic and mating with as many women as possible. I have no idea how many kids I have but the ones from my main squeeze are well cared for and are guaranteed to be successful.
In red pill terminology you get a woman who prioritizes the beta side of hypergamy for your wife and you use the ones that prioritize the alpha side as your cum dumpsters. When my wife found out I had slept with all these other women she was cool with it because she knows she's still #1 but she did up her drain-his-balls game and got into shape. Call it passive dread and social proof or whatever. Like Rollo says: "I'm a good dog, but you gotta pet me if you want to keep me on the porch".