Yesterday she (20f) broke up (or- she doesnt want it to be romantic relationship) with me, we both had issue of being long distance of each other and having to constantly menage time. I knew it was coming - as distance was bugging me aswell, but she gave me signals that suggested that we still try to keep it on. That changed after her holidays last week and after she planned her time for the rest of the year. We met once a month - more often early into relationship.
Two meetings in row (month apart)- she had bad mood for sex (so we did handjob and petting), and at third and at the last one - i had been in bad mood but she wanted it. The thing is - we never really did piv because she was too tense. Just bj etc. After i asked - she said maybe alcohol would solve it and back then she said she wanted to try. But we didnt do it.
We are still very much into each other - she wonders how to end it and should she still text goodnight kisses etc. We broke up by text and today we talked by phone. We both wanna be friends and she was worried if i would not. I also asked if we are keeping this to next time we planned to see each other, but this is 2 months from now and she said issue of no time and no chances for being spontaneous still stands (5 hours by train).
I think i really fucked it up and shouldve just played it as i was in great mood, because in our convo she said (quite spontaneously) that she was afraid of it- as trying to cram as many things at once will end up like this. She was at friends birthday and came back from it when i got bad mood. So she tought that was the reason - ofc i told her back then that it was not (and it was not for real) but still it left that impression.
Now question is - is there still way to have PiV sex as we both really wanted it, and my bad mood fucked it up at last real opportunity. Im not sure if i can meet her faster than in a month/two, but we do have meeting planned (its event we both wanna go, booked from like 4 months)
I know the best answer is probably to move on - but well - we had monogamous relationship, nor she or me cheated and we really did put effort in. And i would like to end this on high note. Sorry for long post!
edit
I could
-Wait, and hope that when we meet it will spark (but im pretty sure she will plan and go sleep to her friends and thats that)
-Ask for a proper last date (but im not sure how i would word it, and best chance was probably when she first mentioned "rethinking relationship")
-Ask for FwB which i think she will refuse
My question is - how to proceed to get last date and sex out of this? I predict that she will not want to, because it will just fuel attraction back on and she wants to go on "friends" territory.
Bozza 2 2y ago
Move on.
She lived 5 hours away, you barely saw her, and you got no sex.
You're looking at this through some very rose tinted googles. She lived 5 hours away, how would you know if she cheated? You wouldn't.
The fact she didn't want to have sex with you, and broke up with you suggests to me she might have been getting it elsewhere.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
Worth noting - im from Europe so 5 hours is quite much, i mean i had no problem taking a train etc. But yeah its no 1 hour drive either. I know for sure that her collage and job took quite some time so we are looking at 10h of travel to and from me.
I guess i can agree to some degree - but im fairly confident. She gave me code to her phone on her own - and generally i dont feel like she did cheat.
Most important tho - i think i didnt make it clear in the post - we had no proper PIV sex because it would be painful for her. She wanted to try it with alcohol, and said in our recent talk that was pretty sure it could work.
Im ready to move on but, well, im no quitter and if there is way to get to it last time - i wanna try.
Bozza 2 2y ago
To me, what you've described doesn't sound like a relationship. You're travelling a 10hr round trip and you're not even getting laid. You're basically glorified pen pals.
To me it sounds like you've either got some weird oneitis for this girl, or you don't have any other options. That's the only way it can make logical sense in my head. Because I fail to see what you're actually getting out of this arrangement.
Like why jump through all these hoops for a girl living 5 hours away, when you could find a girl in your town/city who'll fuck you?
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
We didnt PIV but as i said - i got bj, handjobs and whatever else i would tell her i like.
Fair point - before getting into this i made sure she was not some first come girl that usually have little in common with me and will chase but are boring asf.
We have hobbies in common and she is cool to talk with. She is no snowflake - She indeed told me that she does not kiss on first date and does not go to bed that quick except with me (xD) so yeah. I know what im standing on. She is very wealthy too (or her parents..) and very extroverted, me - quite contrary.
But yeah lets call it getting out of it as much as i can or whatever - but hoops are gone i guess, as we agreed that distance is big problem etc. so my question still stands - is there way to get sex out of it and call it a day?
dongking 2y ago
It's over. When a girl verbalizes that she wants to break up with you, she's way, way further ahead than you think. She has a new guy already that's tapping it rn.
And no dude, she didn't fuck you because it hurt - she didn't fuck you because she didn't want to.
Block her everywhere and don't fall into a LDR ever again. It's one of the biggest losses of frame a man can ever have.
Get new plates which are actually attracted to you and live max 30min away.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
She verbalized that distance is an issue around half way in - 3 months ago. We both agreed but we also both enjoyed each other enough to keep trying.
Ill say no, because when i tried to go 2 fingers in she instantly reacted. The reason WHY she has this problem may be closer to what you say tho, as she didnt had it with her one and only ex.
Honestly tought about it, but she is also cool and may invite me to parties that i wouldnt get into on my own as you need networking of a spun plate. And is just cool person to talk with - i dont feel like im gonna be clinging or anything.
Totally agree with LDR - Not worth it.
Oh and she does not have new guy, like two weeks ago i got introduced to her friends as bf and yeah. Whole thing came out when in calendar it would be 2 months imo. But i also feel like me not being in mood last time had some effect - lost frame so to speak.
You think that there is no way to get "last date" out of it? She was not straight with break up either. At first when i asked - she said "changing form" then, after asking again, removing "romantic" aspect of it. And she said its gonna be difficult.
So imo - Its now or never but i have no idea how to proceed - TRP took me this far so maybe it can get me a lil further
dongking 2y ago
Idk dude. If she's had sex in the past without issues I'd say it's far more likely she just wasn't attracted to you and didn't want to have sex. Actions > words when it comes to women. See it as a good reason to better yourself and raise your SMV.
Parties 5h away from where you live? And no, you don't need the networking of a "spun plate" - in this case it's not a plate neither, it's an LTR/LDR. When she breaks up with you, she has lost all respect and attraction already, i.e. she's not going to be helping you get new pussy or friends lol. Good male friends are for networking and parties. When she has a new BF she'll drop you like a bag of dirty trash anyway, so all time and energy invested in maintaining a "friendship" with a woman is wasted.
In summary: seems like you have oneitis and try to cling on to this chick for "one last time" so you can get a foot in the door to continue this LDR. Hence why I advice that you just block her and move on. It's a waste of your time, energy and resources maintaining contact with this chick that clearly isn't interested. Time, energy and resources which you could be spending on raising your SMV and getting new plates.
At best she'll continue to use you as an emotional tampoon while she gets railed by Chad and tells you all about how she's enjoying her sexlife now. Choice is yours.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
I get what you are saying - but this is just it - One last time but without getting the foot in the door. I knew crash was coming when she first mentioned how hard it is. And trust me, i wasnt happy about meeting her so rarely either.
I wont listen about Chads because i wont be there. Now its all about framing it in such way that will make last date happen.
dongking 2y ago
Why do you want a last date so badly then?
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
To lay. As simple as this. We didnt do proper PIV and i want to do it.
Any ideas how to frame it?
dongking 2y ago
There is no reason to be stuck up on ONE(itis) woman to have sex. Specially one that is 10h roundtrip away from you and is not interested.
Where in EU are you located btw? I am also here.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
Yeah but the point is not to get stuck with her and cling. Just get laid. And she is coming to my city next so. All i want to really know is there smooth way to do it.
And as i said before - im okay if not- im ready to let go, but i wanna try.
Durek_The_Bald 2y ago
Why can't you just do both? You guys are broken up, so any expectation of exclusiveness would be ridiculous. Go out and fuck other girls. And if your ex suddenly wants some PIV action with you after all, then fuck her too. Besides, the chance of her wanting your dick is infinitely higher if she suspects you're getting it elsewhere. So no matter what outcome you're looking for - whether that's to get your dick wet in general or just with her specifically - the solution is the same: Fuck other girls.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
Problem is, im almost certain that she will just lose attraction - because that is her point afterall - letting go of relationship that is too difficult to keep. Constantly thinking how to find time for me.
"How bad it is to miss someone all the time or plan things that won't happen because there is no time and place on the calendar"
"A relationship for me is not a solution, all the points I said before -all the emotional exhaustion in order to have peace of mind 3 days a month"
This is what she said. Now your point is - do FwB but from our talks before she is not into things like this, now it may be diffrent with me, but if i want to get laid last time i basically have one shot at it, and asking for FwB sounds like mistake.
I could
Wait, and hope that when we meet it will spark (but im pretty sure she will plan and go sleep to her friends and thats that)
Ask for a proper last date (but im not sure how i would word it)
It could be, but our mutual attraction was built on exclusivity. She would get jealous when she seen my dating app. But going with other girls would probably seal the deal in her eyes to move on for good. Plus its in the future and i think i have to make a move asap.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
You're taking her words too seriously. Look at what she does, not at what she says.
Read the sidebar.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
When i really want truth i just cross-examine what she says. I can call bullshit and well - last meet she did light touches that she did when she wanted sex etc.
My question is - how to proceed to get last date and sex out of this? I predict that she will not want to, because it will just fuel attraction back on and she wants to go on "friends" territory.
Maybe workaround is trying to go on a party with her and then escalating like in good ol` days - but im not sure, she probably wont stay for a night. Feels like its better to talk my way into it.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
I'm skeptical that she genuinely wanted to.
So she doesn't want sex but does still want affection, attention, support and security. Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Dude.
This is slipping right into beta bucks. She wants the continued support and reliability without fucking you. The date in 2 months time isn't going to happen.
You have to let this one go and get on with your life.
You broke up, so now you want to convert her to a FWB.
That means TREATING HER LIKE A FWB. You drop the affection, you speak to her less often (eg once a week). Quit the texting and being a reliable buddy.
And you SEE OTHER WOMEN.
You are holding onto something that doesn't exist.
Take the L and move on.
Passive never works for men
WTF? She ended it.
Never ask for FWB.
TREAT HER LIKE A FWB....... see other women, better yourself, create massive distance with her.
You need to be having a SEXUAL relationship with her rather than a buddy-buddy relationship with her. You say "sure, friends" but then you stop talking to her. Have a weekly chat with her, make sure you flirt, don't be in a bad mood, SEE OTHER WOMEN.
You are fundamentally to enthralled in beta/feminine behaviour patterns, and this fuels her security and kills her attraction to you.
Instead you want to be the hot elusive alpha guy who is a bit too busy to chat to her.
And hit the gym.
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
Yup.
Yeah thats why im asking how to proceed.
No, she wanted to get sexual - just the issue was we couldnt do PIV, other than that - if i told her to swallow she would do it, if i went for anal she agreed. No issues there.
Yeah, tought about the good ol` cold treatment and it could work.... if she doesnt find new dick. And point is to get the deed and bounce. Alright so you would go with this. My gut feeling is however - if i do it and then escalate, and it wont work - then its over and also ill know that in a X amount of time.
Do you think there is way to talk my way into this?
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Yes, but the problem is you're coming at this from a position of scarcity
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
Alright i see. Thanks man! I see what you mean. Ill sent her some texts rn and we will see, but i dont care at this point.
Small update too - Her friend that she knows from collage - now came up with project that she can do using his connections. Its open season on that ass.
For the streets.
Muhhic 2y ago
First of all bad planning, you got derailed too easily or whatever else happed. Planning is on you - u have failed and she likely blamed you for it. THen you get in bad mood - it is also on you, you see her barely and don't wanna fuck, that is some weak shit. Like you have no testosterone flowing. Hit the gym.
If you have had put some effort into getting some sex elsewhere then you would have worked out something that the other dude did. She has ass and yes you can come inside.
correct statement is
You should have done all what you said+: alcohol. lube, vibrator, that was your job. If I would be her I would get fucked by rando in the ass if my other choice would be waiting months/years for a guy that can't get his shit together to fuck. Beta.##
And btw I had gf that was passing out from pain during intercourse with me [yes loosing consciousness for moment]s, so yeah I can understand it is possible [it could be 1% of endometriosis]. But it has never stopped me to rail the shit out of her, but then I wanted and I wasn't walking on eggshells around like it will kill her.
I'd say you had a chance scoring the chick that because of condition doesn't get too much cock and will be low count, but once she is in relationship with you and then she fucks someone else - she disrespects you in her head - and this is ultimate end.
You possibly fucked your best chance of getting species close enough to rainbow pooping unicorn.
GYM.
Your best attempt would be to apologise to her for not performing because you were getting action elsewhere and you were coming tired to see her and you have seen her as friend and not as girlfriend. That story
You could even spice it up with saying that because she couldn't get fucked by you - you were imagining that she was in threesome with you and another girl - licking pussy like a little slut while you fuck the other one.
Yes it is shocking and it supposed to be, you got to overwrite the shit you did before and by doing this scenario, not only maybe it will work, but you might get her into threesome [just hire a girl if you can afford and don't have one so the whole story makes sense].
Even better if you can apologise after sex and be cool about it. Not sad, shy, embarrassed but in bored and in control like.
Frame is you didn't care about sex coz have enough of it, say you find her sexy but can't be bothered jumping the hoops due to her condition
All above is quite vague and if you wont have mind frame to run it with more added, made up details [still don't go too far with details, at some point you got to behave like: forget it, what's done it's done], she will destroy you within few minutes with one or 2 shit tests,
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
Agreed, shouldve taken it and we wouldnt have this convo right now, but, yet here we are.
Yeah thats why i think i should try to make a move asap.
Wont work, we kept it real plus she made fun of exactly that story like month ago because it backfired on someone.
I think "proper last date" may work, but i have no idea how to word it - straight up asking for (last) sex is huge beta and sends shivers down my spine. And going out for dinner will be taken as just breaking up in person and becoming friends- sealing the deal.
Now idk if there is golden middle ground - where i get laid and we part our ways but thats what im talking about. Im also ready to let it go so if theres not - let it be.
Muhhic 2y ago
And by the way when folks tell you to give up they mean don't waste your time anymore.
I' say go try everything you want and get destroyed, because if you won't get destroyed you will not learn, nor get angry that leads to learning. But indeed don't waste much time on it.
www veed io/view/e9a7074e-7167-4758-949f-19a2993baf4d
Unusual_Respond 2y ago
What do you mean by destroyed?
Also your link does not work - "This video isn’t ready Ask the video creator to sign up and share this with you again to preview."
Muhhic 2y ago
Just do what you want and accept consequences and don't be afraid if you expect outcome to be bad - it will hurt only for a moment
Just avoid criminal stuff ofc.
youtu be/whttzhXI9D8 -- 35:00
Muhhic 2y ago
Your reply is riddled with bad approach.
First of all read my previous reply again, I have edited it few times. Now I wont anymore.
maybe, but you have to reframe it and even 'bye sex' wont happen if you wont. Come up with new story or spin it off mine. I mean considering your lack of imagination while trying to PIV her I don't hold my breath, so you know what you can do as last resort - just go mental & crazy and have fun with it.
There will be no middle ground - shivers told you truth. Asking, counting on miracle, paying for dinner... it is like you didn't learn yet that booze was remedy.
You might fail, but go with crazy story. If you'll be convincing, then
this won't matter. and if you fail you will have story you will remember.
Read sidebar. 10 times. No jokes.
EDIT: you are clinging to very bad approach , you repeat it in your every comment, you are lost if you won't correct it. If you don't wan to use any written scenario coz it doesn't feel like you then be crazy+. My assessment tells my you have no imagination so you MIGHT benefit from my crazy story. WHen youll say it you have to stay positive and engaged like you read bible in front of whole church of people.
[deleted] 2y ago
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Unusual_Respond 2y ago
oh i wont trust me, i dont want to cling to her, my point is to have "last date" as i mentioned before. Getting sex out of this.
Very true. She admitted herself that she wouldnt go into it if she knew how hard it is to keep LDR. And me too - as after our first sex i could just leave.
Yeah im ready for that, question is, maybe taking last shot may be worth it. I have strong feeling that it was best to fire it up when she first mentioned it. Now she may have settled for full break up with no chances for date because that will just fuel attraction to me.
Unstirred0067 2y ago
LDRs aren't relationships. You broke up. Start spinning and don't commit to an LTR until 35.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Any woman that prioritizes school/work/career over a relationship with you is for the streets. She's working on a backup plan for if/when the marriage doesn't work out.