Friend has been asking me to help him make a resume for a few weeks. Today I had some time so I picked him up and took him to the nearest library and we started working on it.
Halfway through he gets a call and he picks up. I wait a minute and when I realize they’re just talking about sports and banter I tell him let’s get back on track. He downplays what I say and continues talking. So I shut down the computer and say I’m leaving because I’m not going to waste my time if he’s going to be disrespectful. He ends the call and says that I’m exhibiting feminine behaviour by getting emotional
He starts getting mouthy so in a fit of rage I push him hard and he falls off the chair. and then he gets up and says let’s take this outside. we both head outside and at this point nothing further happens and we both go our separate ways.
Does this show that the friend in particular doesn’t respect me. They always ask to hangout and do things and ask for advice while also giving advice but why do some people have such a lack of self awareness that borders disrespect
[deleted] 2y ago
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
You physically assaulted your friend for disrespect of your time?
Neither of you are good friends. He was just being rude, you however completely lost frame and committed a crime
Your post has so many priorities in the wrong order here
On a less important matter, the answer to your question is yes. He disrespected you. But you wiped out any standing you had over it by escalating it to a ridiculous extreme in a library no less
[deleted] 2y ago
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Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 2y ago
From their prior posts I suspect they have an issue where they confuse machismo for masculinity.
Emotional regulation is masculine.
Emotional incontinence is machismo.
They should seek to have control over themselves before ever even attempting to control others. Otherwise they are going to end up in prison with a rap sheet over something stupid and easily avoidable. Doing dumb shit over wounded pride is a great way to be a liability to oneself and others.
Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
This is exactly correct - emotional incontinence is a continuum - on the one side of the scale we have people pushing people over in a library because of some perceived 'disrespect' and on the other side of the continuum we have people pulling guns out and shooting in moving traffic because somebody else cut them up. It's a sliding scale. If you think you are justified to assault your friend in a library over some stupid slight, then its a few short steps to shooting someone else for some dumb ass 'reason'.
Do you realise that he could have called the cops, and they would have asked him if he wanted to press charges? they would have to ask him. All he had to say was 'yes' and you'd be in a different kind of world. they would likely arrest and charge you. I know its a 'bullshit' charge, but its a charge none the less. Your name goes on the list. And if he wanted to make it difficult for you, you might end up in court. And your defence would be..... he disrespected you? What sort of shit is that.
Everyone single person that I've ever met that goes on about 'respect' is a total and abject loser. Forget about respect. If that is the currency you are dealing in, you're a loser. Nobody has the right to demand respect, and nobody owes you respect. As soon as you get that into your dumb brain, the better off you'll be. And I don't mean 'respect is earned etc etc'. I mean literally forget about respect. As soon as you can honestly say to yourself " I do not give a flying fuck about anybody else's opinion about me" ...that's the day you set yourself free.
Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
replying to myself here, because I forgot something....
Not only is every single person that goes on about respect a total loser, I have never ever met a successful person that goes on about respect. They just don't think in those terms. They are too busy being successful and counting their money. If I visit my friend, and sit around his pool at this 3rd home, and ask him about respect, he wouldn't know what you're talking about.
Demanding respect is for ghetto losers who belong on the streets. its the language of drug dealers, pimps and low life.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Exactly. This
Whenever a guy "disrespects me" I pretty much just chalk it up to, "I don't think this person is treating me the way I'd like to be treated" and I move on.
Thinking about it in hierarchical "he disrespected me!" Terms is pointless.
Like make a cost-benefit analysis and then cut him off, not make it an ordeal.
OP was justified in getting up and starting to leave but then made it about being on some totem pole of respect and a defining principle of reality instead of just leaving
whytehorse2021 2y ago
There are millions of resources online, job centers, and employment specialists that can help him with his resume. It was very disrespectful of your time for him to chit-chat while you're giving him custom one-on-one resume help. You were correct to call him out and threaten to leave.
I don't know where he's getting this feminine behaviour crap from. Maybe you left something out. Doesn't really make sense from there on out.
MidgetSpinner 2y ago
Listen, you escalated to levels of stupidity. If you felt he was wasting your time, you're right, but he was wasting his own time too. All you had to do was leave.
carnold03 2y ago
What's done is done. If drafting a resume was important to them, they'd have used a search engine to help them answer their question. It otherwise reads like your gut is spot on, but you both need to work on yourselves. I doubt you've anything to really lose cutting ties with him and placing their number on block until such a time as you feel ready to deal with them.
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Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
not just him, you could have gone postal and taken out everyone at the library, and then burnt it down. THAT would have shown him!
1on1 2y ago
I ask myself often similiar questions,so driven by my own expirience it isnt just "this".Usually when you tell just one story to strangers or someone outside it sounds like overreaction but usually you probbably feel that way about him for longer time,on several ocastions and its a pattern in his behaviour that you recognize,so you just blown up when that again happened.