Basically about a month ago I got approached by a girl at college. She told me that she had to spend time building up the courage to approach me.
From then onwards she initiated everything. She asked me out on 3 dates, told me that all her friends were jealous that she got to me first, told me that she masturbates thinking about me, initiated sex, every 5th sentence that came out of her mouth was complimenting my looks, etc etc. I got proper Chad treatment from her. She even told me "you're in the top 5 - 1% of males".
Fast forward a couple of weeks she randomly texts me saying that i'm nice but she didn't feel a connection and she's not ready to date right now. A week later she finds a boyfriend who's really nothing special.
I lost track of the amount of times this shit happened. A girl approaches me with clear intentions and gets bored of me almost immediately. It's not like I REEEEE at women like the stereotype of an incel. I'm just awkward and boring, have no social media, low snapscore etc. Is this really enough to make a man an almost 23 year old incel who can't even get a hookup? I want to fucking kill myself. This is seriously devastating to me. There's clearly something absolutely repulsive about me as a person
Problematic_Browser 1 11mo ago
Women don't like boring.
There is an old saying: "You can do anything you want to a woman, except bore her."
Honestly though, every one that has done this to you is a bullet dodged. Women who needs excitement are women who will mistake "stable" for "boring" and cheat on you with some band drummer.
JamesSkepp Moderator 11mo ago
Why are you awkward and boring?
asadguy 11mo ago
I was made fun of almost any time I went outside until my late teens so I locked myself away. Because of that I never really developed a personality. I'm also very anxious and have low self-esteem.
JamesSkepp Moderator 11mo ago
Start going out. Star with low intensity high volume of interactions, slowly shift to low volume high intensity ones. 1 night a week for the first month, then 2 nights a week if you have the time. No goals at first, just socializing, then you add small steps like say hi 10 times/night, get a number, move her from one spot 5m away, get instadate etc.
Get a pen and paper. List out qualities of what you want to be. List out archetypes/examples of who you want to be. Then crosscheck vs what you really like, your interests etc. Use the second part as a way to develop the first. Especially focus on your personality traits.
Start meditation, 20min/day everyday.
Anxiety is easiest to resolve by taking action. Action overrides negative emotions. Don't strive for perfection from the start b/c that causes you to be afraid to make mistakes and fuckups. Instead allow yourself to make mistakes BUT only when taking action. IOW setup yourself for preferring to take action instead overthinking even if you know you're going to fail.
LSE is cured by building up your list of successes. Successes are build by taking action and progressively moving from failure to, well - success.
Read Rational Male, read sidebar o main sub, read Mystery Method (still the best structure to game), read ebout escalation.
Small steps, but a lot of them. You won't fix being boring in a day, but then again it's not like fixing that takes years either.
Lionsmane8 11mo ago
First you write "she initiated sex" then later in the text "incel".
Dude, get your story right. Did you bang her or not? Is this a shitpost?
asadguy 11mo ago
We didn't only because the hotel was booked out. But we were about to.
RedPirate751 11mo ago
First of all, you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you, no terrible diseases or anything like that. Let's reframe this as a positive and then talk about the rest. She approached you - she wouldn't have done that if you were some kind of horrific visage that haunts people's dreams or some shit. That's a positive right there. A woman was interested in you! I would suspect that there's other women interested in you as well, and you probably either don't notice the interest or you haven't worked up the balls to approach them. That's 100% something that can be worked on, and not a permanent defect in any way.
Now let's get into the other stuff.
Maybe it's just me, but this shit doesn't matter. Instagram and Snapchat are not metrics for judging social success.
If I had to guess, I'd say you had a mysterious aura type of thing going on when she approached you. The lack of social media presence can create mystery since you aren't shouting your life events to the world. She scratched the surface and found there wasn't much underneath the mystery - women love to feel like they've "figured out" a guy. She felt like she figured you out, so she wasn't excited by you anymore and moved on.
What are your hobbies? What do you do outdoors? What do you strive towards? What is exciting to you, gets you out of bed in the morning?
I'd suggest you read the Book of Pook. Here's a link: https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-created-a-pdf-version-of-the-book-of-pook.305879
asadguy 11mo ago
Thanks for the reply. Like I said, I get approached somewhat frequently but basically nothing ever happens. Whatever it is about my personality just completely dries women up. This is the furthest I ever got with any. There's probably some truth to what you said about the mystery thing because she did say she likes mysterious guys and she couldn't really figure me out. She probably ended up figuring out eventually that my "mystery" is just that i'm an awkward loser.
As for my hobbies, I just go to the gym, code, I go on lonely walks, sometimes read books and I play video games. Sadly that's all there is to me. I'm too mentally drained to do anything else.
RedPirate751 11mo ago
Read the book I linked you.
I could type until my fingers fall off here, because I used to think like you do. Listen to yourself!
If this is how you see yourself, why would you expect a girl to see you differently? Women can sense that shit. Attitudes of this sort hang around a guy like B.O. That attitude is one of the most powerful turn-offs.
I'll say it again, read the book I linked you. I will link it again: https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-created-a-pdf-version-of-the-book-of-pook.305879 If you want this to get better, you have to take ACTION. Don't just sit there and whine about it. You're a man, and there's no sympathy for men's pain in this world. You've got to start somewhere and start taking ACTION.
Read the damn book. What have you got to lose?
asadguy 11mo ago
Alright, I will. It's about time I start reading more. Hopefully it'll make me figure some things out about myself.
RedPirate751 11mo ago
Good man! The community will always be here if you need to bounce ideas, but you have to take the journey yourself. These are just the first steps.
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MrSupreme 11mo ago
Meet lovebombing, where girls shower you with compliments,affection,gifts and attention, then they do the lightswitch thing and change all that behaviour to it's opposite.Youre left wondering and rationalizing wether it was something you did but I'd say you're in the clear.Dont worry about it, it's her thing
asadguy 11mo ago
What's the psychological reason for that? It's not like i'm rich or anything. I'm a college student. What could she possible have wanted?
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mattyanon Admin 11mo ago
If she initiates this much you need to tease her more and give her less.
so fix this
Well you've got the hardest part down: meeting and starting to date women. That's awesome. The rest is easier and a lot more fun to learn.
Don't get too attached too soon. Keep your options open, women have short attention spans.
Be more interesting to talk to. YOU CAN LEARN THIS.
Be more of a challenge - don't give her everything, don't commit too much.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 11mo ago
You just said she initiated sex but that you can't get a hookup, it is unclear, you were fucking her yes?
asadguy 11mo ago
We went back to a hotel but the staff said it was booked out so we said we'll do it next time. There was no next time.
FR33DOM_over_F33R 11mo ago
Dude first of all, she sounded infatuated with you, to the point that she approached, that's like a 1 out of 100 occurrences. Women usually are covert and hidden with their intentions and wait for your initiative. So be proud of yourself that you experienced something only top-echelon men experience in modern dating.
Second, you should never tie your value as a man to your ability to hook up or get women, this is absurd. Your value lies in who you are, what kind of work you put out, and what kind of value you bring to society, your peers, friends, family, and intimate partner. There are many ways you are valuable and don't self-delete just because you are missing one area temporarily.
This too shall pass. Grab your bootstraps and get to it. You will fail, we all fail at times. Feminism and social media has tarnished dating experiences for all men in the West, not just you. Even the "Chads" started at square one. It seems that you just need a little more experience which only time will provide, try self-improvement and incremental steps to change.
There are plenty of books and podcasts/ lectures that teach men how to get modern women, not be a nice guy, increase notch count et cetera. But, it is more important to excel in other areas imo such as fitness/ health, finances, education, social skills, goals/ aspirations- list goes on. Point is, take it a day at a time, compare yourself to who you were yesterday and not to someone else today.