How can you acquire and maintain frame? What is your strategy?
Simply repeating the mantra "I am Chad Thundercock" all day does not seem to be effective. Doubts start to arise, leading to rationalizations and excessive humility. Deep down, I know that I am genuinely proficient, better than 90% of men. However, one small error can shake my confidence. I want to improve but I also start to rationalize, causing my confidence to crumble.
How can I prevent this from happening and truly believe in what I tell myself?
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RedPirate751 3y ago
Set boundaries and stick to them, even when it means being disagreeable with others.
No-Stress-Cat 2 3y ago
It's not a skill you can just pick up. It takes a lot self-reflection, accepting who you were in the past, acknowledging your past faults, and taking steps to correct your flaws. In actuality, women have nothing to do with it. They only play a minor role, if any, when you look at the bigger picture. Truth is, it's all about you.
Frame isn't acquired. Frame is realized.
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JamesSkepp Moderator 3y ago
Are you confident about driving a car? Yes, b/c you know how to drive a car.
Are you confident to game some girls at that table? Yes, b/c you know how to game.
Are you confident enough to argue with a theoretical physicists about some theory? No, you're not b/c you don't know anything about that.
In first 2 examples you will "hold" your frame b/c you know what to do, in the third one you will have doubts b/c you don't.
This is the easiest way to start working on your frame - do the actual thing enough times to be able to handle the most common scenarios.
There are other, deeper levels of frame, but the 80/20 rule is repetition that leads to competence.
slowlylearning1 3y ago
Hi,
I've got a similar issue. I've gone from self-confidence to self-doubt. I've been keeping a diary, and it's helping greatly identify certain triggers which might bring on depression or anxiety.
I've had health issues, still do ; need regular IVs etc, I've found if I don't exercise/have something to do or socialise with people I begin to resent myself ; yet when I remind myself life is short, do more outgoing things etc I am genuinely happier which means better personality/fun to be around.
JamesSkepp Moderator 3y ago
Fear of missing out. Use it to motivate yourself to action but also remember not to allow this fear to drive you to forgo/delay long term goals just to go out tonight.
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Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
"A fit mind in a fit body", as the Romans said. The foundation of mental frame is physical frame. Whatever you do or say, you wanna look good doing it.
Next is competence. If you know what you're doing, you're confident in it. Your opinion matters to you and others. The way you "frame" something has an impact. Now, you can't be competent in everything in life, but the things you do a lot you should be competent in. Like your job, dealing with your wife/GF, recreational activities that build a social circle.
Next is having a stoic mindset, not taking life too seriously. You're in it for the ride, not the end station. The ride is going to throw all sorts of things at you, and there will be setbacks and course changes along the way. It's all good. "I lost frame because of Covid" = never had frame in the first place. Little things can't throw you off like that, it's just a change of course.
Tl;Dr: "Frame" is (1) how you frame something, and (2) your framing being impactful. In order to have that, you need to be (1) physically fit, (2) competent, and (3) outcome independent.
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whytehorse2021 3y ago
I think all these answers can be summarized as: face your fears.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
So we start off talking about frame..
...and end up talking about confidence. These are two different things, that are only tangentially connected. This is a common misconception, as you can tell from the comments.
Controlling the frame, or "having" frame, means controlling the narrative of an interaction in a way that's favorable to you, and further in a series of interactions (e.g. over the course of a relationship). "Holding" frame in this sense means dealing with active attempts to change this narrative; using frame control to change topics and even people's fundamental conceptions of other people, situations, etc.
So, some level of confidence is certainly needed in order to control frame successfully under pressure. You need a strong composure. But good frame control is a skill built on top of these traits, it's not the sum of these traits.
Take the advice given in this thread in regards to confidence. Frame in this sense is largely a misnomer.
Unstirred0067 3y ago
Okay, this resolves some of the issues I have; it's not as difficult for me to control the narrative or maintain the frame. However, internally, I wonder if the other side might be right.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
With all anxieties it helps to be aware that you're experiencing it, so that you can actively remind yourself that it's simply anxiety and not reality. Even if you wouldnt call it anxiety, i think this works with all kinds of self-doubt. It's okay to be wrong, and if you happen to be wrong and are called out on it (or whatever), it's much better to just relax and accept that, instead of DEERing.