I hit her up around 6pm to let her know i was gonna be there at 10, I was going to pick her up for some drinks. Weve been seeing eachother for 5 months now, she doesnt flake or cancel on me ever. We agreed and she said shell be ready. I get to her house at 10pm and she told me shes really sorry she had to go run to the store real quick before they closed and to wait a half hour for me, shes already on the way back. Normally if a good plate communicates to me, my rule is i would wait about 30 mins max which is honestly pushing it, anything more i would just cancel.
So I tell her i would wait. At 10:30, when she said shell arrive, she wasnt responding. I sent a "??" and then I said "Im leaving soon" just in case she was 5 mins away, and also because i meant it. She wasnt responding at all but was online, so she was leaving me on read. I told her were cancelled for the night, and left.
She texts me 30 mins later around 11pm and she says "Baby im back. Come up to my apartment" like nothing happened. And then called me right away, all of which i ignored because i was literally at the bar with some friends and talking to some girl (who we were going to all meet up with anyways).
Not sure what to do. If this was a first date i wouldnt see her again. But its a first time thing, and while she DID communicate, it was very spotty communication especially when i let her know i was leaving, she just ignored it bc i saw her online (Whatsapp)
This is the first time it happened, and although she did partially communicate, i was waiting in my car for 40 minutes outside her house. She technically "rescheduled" by texting me like 30 minutes after i arrived at the bar, to come inside her apartment, i know she wanted me to fuck her before going out.
If she told me to wait like 10 more minutes i would have, but she just ignored me. Is this a harsh move to punish her?
Im kind of strict on punishing plates in my past, and im trying to become more lenient because ive done quite harsh punishment mistakes in the past, like hard nexting an ex LTR of mine over something kind of moderate, and it snowballed and made us break up later down the line. Im trying to learn from my mistakes of being a harsh punisher, not sure if this warrants it.
Lone_Ranger 3 3y ago
this is what happens when you get dragged into a texting exchange. You are in her frame. She texts him, tells him he's going to be late, he texts back, she waits etc.
All of this can be avoided by simply manning up and short cutting the entire production by just calling her. Call her as soon as she texts you with her 'I'm going to be late'. You can be polite and friendly - maybe something is really up. But you'll be in the driving seat. You can get so much from tone of voice -you'll be able to tell if she is bullshitting or not. Men have the advantage in voice convos - learn to use it.
If she texts you that she is going to be late, and then you call her right then, if she doesn't answer, you have all the info you need.
If she does answer, ask her what's up and let her talk - she will reveal everything. You'll know if she is wasting your time or not.
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Lone_Ranger 3 3y ago
agreed. Texting is beta. Voice call is boss language for chicks. It cuts out so much bullshit and puts you in the driving seat. Waiting for a chick to text you? Beta. Sending long texts to chicks? Beta. Getting into never ending text chats? beta. If a chick sends you a long text, the alpha thing to do is just call her back. If she answers, just say 'Hi, I didn't even read that text, it was soooo long - hows things? What you up to? You want to come over?' if she doesn't answer, you have your answer. She has the time to spend 20 mins typing some boring shit on her phone, but she doesn't have 3 minutes to talk to you on the phone? she's a time waster and a loser. next her.
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dongking 3y ago
Why should he even care to find out? She disrespected OP by wasting his time and energy 2x in the same night, then not even answering whilst being online.
I'd soft next this plate for minimum 2 weeks and fuck other girls in the meantime.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Sure, but you text them and let them know before the meeting time, and you don't keep making shit up about another 30 minutes.
This is how it starts though. You gotta nip this shit in the bud.
It was 30 mins and then another 30 mins and no apology. This is 100% disrespect and I don't believe the "run to the store" thing because everyone knows how long it takes. 30 mins and then another 30 mins is fishy as all hell.
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mattyanon Admin 3y ago
100% this.
Sometimes the subtle power move is accidental...... what matters is your response, not what caused the issue.
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mattyanon Admin 3y ago
And it doesn't matter which
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Unacceptable, she should have told you in advance.
The correct response is "Ok, you seem busy, I'll see you another time" and then refuse to see her that night.
SHIT TEST FAILED
Good
Ignore completely for 2-3 days then carry on like nothing happened.
Next time you allude to correct behaviour...... "I'll see you at 10, don't be late". And if she's late by more than five mins you cancel with "Not going to wait around all night for you again, I'll see you another time" and then ignore for 2-3 days again.
This is the only way..... there has to be CONSEQUENCES. If you're operating at the level of "girl apologises, guy forgives", she'll keep on doing it. They go through the motions of apologising, but they have to think "if I fuck this up I'll lose him". This is the only motivation they understand. And you need to convey this with INDIFFERENCE, not with anger. They love anger. They can work with anger. Anger shows how much you fucking care. Indifference terrifies them.
*Indifference means ignoring her and being happy and not caring, it does not mean passively accepting shit.
punishment is the only language they understand.
The soft next is correct.
If the soft next after she fucks up ends the relationship then that's fine. Nothing else would save it on your terms.
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mattyanon Admin 3y ago
By walking away for a few days (and not telling her how long) you are directly threatening the relationship with her, yes.
If she doesn't know you're prepared to walk away she is free to behave badly.
If this doesn't keep her in line nothing will and walking is the only solution.
The radio silence shows you're serious.
Because.....
of exactly this. The power dynamic. I know it's immoral, stupid, pointless, disappointing and awful. But it is reality.
Dude, this is dumb as fuck. You mother does not have your best interests at heart and mixing family with girls is bad. And it's just fucking weird. Stop doing that shit.
punishment/disinterest is a push and not a pull.
This is the language of interpersonal power that they speak. They ignore your words and look at your actions. No actions and no consequences means she can carry on acting in her best interests rather than yours.
SSeuSS 3y ago
6 months is mark around which honey moon period is finishing
either highly disrespectful or highly accidental, you can have mobile setting not to allow it to go to sleep for long time, even if you don't look at it and app remains open
or delayed/gas lighted not communicated. If she wanted to lie and save face, she'd do it this way.
gamble? she knew you wouldn't come and if you would you look like chump. Offering that - in casual way - adds to disrespect.
She hasn't offered any explanation: is that her baseline to be indifferent and not to do it? If she normally would, chances she was up to no good are v high.