My mother is extremely overbearing and involved with my life. She is very emotional and sort of manipulative. She tries to meddle in every facet of my life. She wants me to get married but the woman should be of her choice entirely. Constantly guilts me about not providing her grandchildren. Bemoans my career choices and tries to meddle in my personal life.
Recently she visited me for 2 weeks. I was supposed to drop her back to her house tomorrow. Today she called up my dad and told her about it. He asked her to stay back because the house they live in is being renovated and he wants her to stay back because of the dust for a few more days. This lead to chaos in my life because i already had plans to see a girl who is visiting me for the weekend. Now i asked her to go and she refused and my dad insists that she stay back because he is enjoying the house to himself. He's insisting that she stay until Sunday atleast. This lead to enormous drama and now she's refusing to go because my dad said no. No matter how much i try to convince her she's insisting she would stay 2 more days. She keeps asking me if she should take a hotel for 2 days because I don't want her in my house. I don't want it to go that far.
My dad was a highly paid executive and led a colourful life. He's very protective about his money too. He has retired a couple of months ago and secretly detests living with my mom due to her nature of bitching and complaining all the time. She's a very unhappy woman who spends a lot of money that she didn't earn and still finds ways to complain.
Yesterday I told her that my friends wanted to party and they decided to wait until she leaves so as to not inconvenience her . This lead to huge drama in my apartment. With lots of crying and complaining.
She told me that she feels very possessive about me and doesn't like that i exclude her from my social circle. Like wtf. She told me she used to feel very possessive about my dad to and that lead to huge fights between them when i was young. She even feels possessive when i 'we' talk to men or hangout with men.
When i was young she would not let me date women and now she doesnt like the kind of women i date. She wants a stay at home wife for me who hangs out with her and they go shopping etc.
Frankly i tried explaining to her that i am 32 yr old adult and i need my privacy but she gets all emotional and manipulative.
I don't want it things to go too bad between us because i have always been the favourite child and my sister was the rotten apple. We are supposed to inherit a reasonable sum from our parents and she's waiting in the wings to sweep it all of things fall apart between my parents and me.
How to i handle this situation delicately?
WokeDown 3y ago
You don't. I could argue with my mom as much as I wanted, nothing helped. Logic, points, cohesive arguments, none of that mattered. She was batshit crazy and would just ramble shit to the point I wanted to punch her (don't feel bad for her, she would hit me when she felt like it).
Since that wasn't socially acceptable, I did the only thing I could. I ignored her for two weeks straight completely, talking to others as if she wasn't in the room. If someone noticed and said something, I'd ignore that too.
After two weeks, she submitted and never bought up her old nags again and would act more feminine. Not saying it would work for you, but if she's socially isolated like you say, she probably will shape up because you're basically molding which behavior of hers is acceptable or not.
Afterwards, don't apologize or say your sorry and hold frame.
Btw, I think this saved my parent's marriage because she would also incessantly nag my dad over little shit and that stopped too because she noticed her social support would shrink to nothing if she kept it up.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
some random other OP somewhere in the world on r/relationships
"REDDIT HOW DO I SAVE MY FAILING MARRIAGE WITH MY WIFE PLEASE HELP"
u/WokeDown:
Have your son ignore her for two weeks straight, no apologies
wswZtyqNGQ 3y ago
.
You have nothing but assholes in your family. And no 'reasonable sum' is worth living in misery.
I highly suggest that it's time to hit the reset button and start creating an entirely new family made of loved ones that you choose and are not complete assholes. (But considering how much of a total wimp and pushover you've been in your life so far I more highly doubt that you'll even consider that suggestion.)
Edit: Look, 32 years is far too long to still be acting like a child. It's time to cut the umbilical cord, take the pain, and grow the fuck up. If you refuse that now then you'll have half-a-century of misery and regret ahead of you.
Do whatever the fuck you want to, though.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
She sounds like a narcissist. Narc moms play the kids against each other. You're the golden child while you're feeding her ego and the other kids are punished with no attention. Once you get sick of her and stop the ego boosting, she switches to the other kids. There always has to be a bad kid and a good kid.
Maybe you should tell your dad to man up and take his wife off your hands. Tell your mom to fuck off and get out of your house and stop meddling in your life.
Edit: Oh and one more thing: Narcissists start fights so they can tell you how great they are and force you to give them praise. That's why all the drama.