So 2 months ago a girl I was seeing ljbf me saying that we wouldn’t work out if we got together (she was really into me), I agreed and left it on friendly terms and cut back my contact a lot.
She started seeing another guy and they got into a relationship very quickly he seems sorta like a loser tbh. The thing is, before the ljbf came, she was increasingly saying stuff like: ‘do you just want to use me for sex’, ‘you need to open up more or I won’t be around forever’, ‘do you even care about me’, ‘I know nothing about you and you’re always sarcastic’ etc you get the point basically she was insecure as to whether or not I liked her enough. Our conversations were very sexual alot of the time, I know she was looking for a relationship but I wanted to take it slower. I’ll state again this girl was very into me, I won’t go into detail. Something happened and it caused her to think I didn’t care about her enough and she pulled back and a couple weeks later came the ljbf. I never lost too frame too much at all maybe a tiny bit. She told me she doesn’t mind if I see other girls since were friends.
It’s been two months since she ljbf me, I’ve been moving on with other girls and trying to leave this in the past but it’s starting to come clear to me that she probably left me and got a boyfriend because I wasn’t providing enough care and comfort for her, I know she was looking for a relationship. I feel as though she got the wrong impression from me, I’ve done some self reflection and I understand how she could’ve come to this conclusion.
I’ve known her through work for over a year and I still see her around briefly and occasionally. she was texting me a bit after the ljbf and I kept it short but polite. She got emotional seeing me post another girl then unadded me on social media.
I want to fix my mistakes because I realise that I truly like her and understand her point of view. It’s not oneitis I have other girls I just like her. We are both young
millionairegymrat 2y ago
Even your title reveals that you are taking her word for it when it comes to her reason for ditching.
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
I am because it’s what I believe as well, without her influencing my opinion on why it ended. I look back and I was way too cold I fucked up and I can see why she felt I wanted to use her. She is with a new guy who ltrd her pretty fast and he look a bit alpha tbh but also pretty retarded, but I’m confident I left more of an impression on her.
There was an incident that happened between us and it made her think I didn’t care was just a misunderstanding idk what to do but shit changed after that
[deleted]
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
The bottom of my post got cut off so I’ll just say here, this isn’t oneitis I have other girls, I realise that I do like this one though, and I want her back because I believe it ended because of my mistakes not her swinging to a new cock because she was sick of me. She left me for a dude who made her his girlfriend pretty quickly. I do have the capacity to hit her up to chill out at college when I’m in there that’s pretty casual and maybe make a move there
hatefatwomen23 2y ago
There's a reason why it didn't work out. She was looking for something serious, you weren't. She moved on to some beta guy who she can be exclusive with. The fact that she moved on so quick, is the only reason why you're feeling this way. You definitely have oneitis, don't be delusional. The fact that you even know that she unfollowed you, tells us that you're checking her social media. Also, you wrote a post about 'this one girl'
Don't go digging through the trash. It was your turn, and it's over. If you go back to her now, you lose all your leverage. If anything, you should move on with your life, and focus on other girls. If they'll ever break up, chances are that she might come back, but she probably won't.
The sooner you move on, the better, there's no point in trying to get her back, because it'll end up the same way or worse.
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
Nah so we were going pretty good then I hurt her emotionally on accident and the whole ‘I’m not here to be used and abused’, ‘you need to open up or I’ll leave’ started. Sorta correct, I’m not gonna jump headfirst into a relationship with anyone, but I do care about her and I would take care of her real good, she just never knew that.
Call it oneitis but sometimes we like some more than others, I’m seeing other girls right now anyway. Ok but hear me out, I worked with her for over a year but I don’t see her anymore and currently she thinks I don’t care about her or think about her anymore, and in her head she probably believes she never meant anything to me.
Can you just answer me this? If I’m moving on with other girls, and she knows this, is there any harm in hanging out casually every now and then with her just to catch up and run some game, show her that I don’t view her as just some hole, without going overly beta. Because she is a person that I do care about outside of what we had, I did work with her nearby for over a year.
I mean if it ended because of a misunderstanding surely it won’t end the same way if we try it again
millionairegymrat 2y ago
"I hurt her emotionally on accident", whose interpretation of events is that? Hers, or yours?
Women create different "you hurt me" situations, or fake boundaries, in order to gain leverage.
hatefatwomen23 2y ago
You can do whatever you want. It's up to you, but it's not worth it. Maybe you could try it out, so you get burned, and can learn from your mistakes, because it seems like you've got a lot to learn.
dongking 2y ago
You have severe oneitis. That means you've created a picture of her in your head which is not true.
If you think rationally for a second, you'll realize that it's pathetic that you even consider her for an LTR when she's spent the last month(s?) slobbering another mans dong.
Hit the gym hard, see other hot girls, do your best not to think of her i.e. stop stalking her socials and block her if needed and you'll be fine.
Read all the content on the sidebar too.
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
I’m not considering her for an ltr, it’s just this chick was obsessed but left because of what I think was a miscommunication and she kept feeling like I only wanted her for sex and that I was too cold and didn’t open up enough. Something happened and she basically instantly froze me out saying I didn’t care about her. Which is wrong, I could take care of her just not gonna jump into a committed relationship.
She was fully into me and it changed because of this misunderstanding. I read the sidebar. This chick was next level into me but I wasn’t open enough with her, bruh if she was at lunch with her parents and I said ‘I wanna see your tits’, she’d just go ‘yes daddy’ and take a pic in the bathroom for me. But she was always clear she wanted something serious and I fucked up by not expressing enough care for her
dongking 2y ago
Ok..
So you're not considering her for an LTR, but you could take care of her. What does this even mean?
You also wrote this:
Seems you're not honest to yourself here man. You see her as a potential LTR, quite clearly.
She's gone. Now you can choose to deal with it as a rational man, or you can continue to hamster things and be emotional about it. It's up to you.
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
I do not see a future where she’s the one woman I spend my life with. Yet I’d still love to spend time with her hug her tight, I could listen to her and shit and help her with her problems, while keeping it sexual ofc. We both made each other happy. I believe in her head she thinks I’m completely over her and never cared about her. Maybe you could call what I want from her ‘main chick’ a real good fwb who I love hanging with. Not so different from a relationship, but I stil retain some freedom for now at least while we take it slow. She obviously thought I wanted to fuck her and forget about her
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Dude, it sounds like you just wanted a permanent FWB with freedom on your end
She wanted something else and could pick out what you're overtly telling us.
You're quite literally saying you didn't want one. Or did you want one, but only after 6 months plus of vetting
She could tell man, so she moved on. I agree with @dongking what does taking care of her mean? You want to be betafux?
The guy that takes care of all her comfort needs and also smashes? I don't get either. She obviously made the right decision for her desires, even if it was with someone lower SMV
This isn't even a case of shittestinng or anything, she just plain as day wanted an ltr.
There really is no practical way to get her back after this without devolving into an an insane oneitis rabbit hole full of plotting and planning, which would backfire anyway
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
Yeah so I would’ve like to keep her around as a main chick while vetting maybe betafux then if you call it that. It’s hard to explain dude, I made her happy and she made me happy why label it if we’re both enjoying it. We were going good until an incident happened that prompted her to go on about how I didn’t care for her I tried reassuring her a bit but her mind appeared made up, she said we’re friends and doesn’t care if I go with other girls so I did. We were on a good track honestly. Idk why she unfriended me after seeeing me with another on social media girl, when I saw her in person briefly after this she seemed a bit mad but was trying to not show it.
I am seeing 2 girls right now sexually so I’m not some dude who’s just tunnelled on one girl only. I’m gonna smash away regardless. But you did mention about perhaps there being a way to get her back and id just be curious as to what that would be, of course implementing it while I am pursuing other women so as to not out my eggs in one basket. If it helps we’re both 20ish or a bit younger won’t specify exact age on here
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I'm not going to elaborate how to get her back. Like I said it would take painstakingly planning and selling your soul for a woman.
That or you can lay your cards on the table overtly and see if she'll bite
Either way dude, you clearly did not want a relationship and she did.
End of story. She found what she wanted. Even you two kept seeing each other again, you still wouldn't give her what she wanted. It's game over.
TRP and game etc don't eliminate incompatible goals. She enjoyed her turn and wanted more. She found it and got it. She's not gonna be your FWB for life or sign up to be yours till you move on from her, which is basically what you wanted
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
Ok thanks for the help. I’ve got enough self respect to not sell my soul for a woman, sucks but there’s been times where a chicks pushed my boundaries and I just cut them off out of self respect even though it hurt.
Although you did say ‘I didn’t want a relationship’ which isn’t necessarily true, I just wanted to take it way slower but I didn’t give her that vibe I obviously gave her the vibe of ‘this dude doesn’t care enough’ which fucking sucks and I wish I could fix that without going to beta.
I am still curious about that way you said to get her back, if there is some sort of template to operate within or whatever, regardless I am interested to hear what it is, but I’m not gonna do it if it’s ‘selling my soul’ I got enough self respect not to do that.
I believe that even if we stayed as a fwb id still fulfill her ‘beta’ needs better than whatever bf she has, he’s probs the type of dude who lacks the confidence to properly stand up for her and shit.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Stop thinking about it. You literally have to be an obsessive fuck being on the prowl for when she becomes single. You basically have to keep waiting and waiting and getting information about her relationship status like a bitch and then pounce during the narrow window of time you might have before she meets someone else again
I'm not gonna elaborate on it anymore, because it's literally just a low success route of keeping tabs and striking when you can which is an absolute shit strategy that would never work on purpose. You don't need any more information on it, it doesn't work.
Bro, I don't know how to get through to you on this. Your skull is extremely thick on this issue.
She wanted an official relationship, not a fuckbuddy that treats her right. You refuse to accept that and are hamstering.
You also keep conflicting your own statements. You want her but you don't. Pick one. Your lack of action cost you.
I don't blame her at all for her decision, you're preoccupied with what you want, which is fine as a man, but it's at odds with mutual satisfaction, and she correctly identified that it was not a two way street that met her needs.
You were not willing to fulfill what her long-term goals were, sonshe bounced. You had your turn of getting exactly what you wanted, and it ran out, because it always does.
You're trying to fight reality for how she should have responded and you're wrong
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
You answered your own question.
She wanted a relationship. I don't know how long you were seeing her but there becomes a point where her desire to LTR you as a man loses mileage if she can't get it.
It's one thing to vet her for a good enough time for an ltr and actually wanting one with a chick and dragging it out so long you never make it official
If you actually wanted one at some point with her it really didn't sound like it came across that way to her. If you didn't want one with her, she found what she was seeking, even if it's with a "loser".
Best to be transparent with women. If you wanted more it wasn't clear, she ended things on mature terms, could have been worse.
You also are trying to get a product after it's already off the shelf and someone already bought it. That's messier than putting it in your own cart when it's still on the shelf, or even more so. Already in your cart
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
I’m 99% sure she said ljbf because I wasn’t open enough with my feelings, not 100% sure though. But here’s the thing, I do have feelings for her and I want to take care of her, she just never knew that because I was taking it slow. Something happened that made her think I didn’t care about her and then she just faded away. I see her occasionally at work sometimes and we go same college but don’t see her there.
Any advice on how to get her back given that I am willing to take care of her and spend time with her, not necessarily jump into a relationship, but I can take care of her. Sucks because it feels like I ruined it and I want to fix it. Day after this incident we texted a bit and out of the blue it’s ‘feels like you only want me for a fuck and stuff’, and I’m like ‘I don’t know you very well but I’m enjoying the time we’re spending together, can talk about this in person’. She just goes ‘aight’ and then like the next day I see her briefly at work she’s all different and it’s a slow fade of disinterest and not wanting to hang out anymore. Sucks
redhawkes 2 2y ago
The fact that you posted this shit couple of times proves it is.
You never fucked her, yet thinking about LTR with her.
All of this is beta bait, meaning, she just want you to spend time/attention for nothing. Best case scenario, negotiate for some stinky pussy. This is not a comfort test at all. They come in marriage maybe, not from hoes you're not even banging.
This is how women farm orbiters, guilt tripping them to get free shit.
Yea sure. People already told you what to do in your previous post, posting it again won't change a thing.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Forget her and move on. Improve your game. Aloof does not equal being a sarcastic asshat.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
she's baiting you to be beta
here's the thing about women: they do not speak the truth. They speak TO GET SOMETHING. Her reasons are not the real reasons.
what do you actually want here?
Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
the advice in the replies is all great, OP you should listen to them.
I would add, you said you clearly don't see a future with her long term, so wth are you complaining about?
To me it looks like you really miss her dedication and commitment. I get it. It's a real ego boost to have a woman that is crazy into you. It feels great. But....you were not that into her. The golden rule is 'all plates break in the end'. This plate broke, move on.
You will never be able to get back what you had. There is a saying in Italian - "reheated pasta is never as good."
You also mention that you are only 20. Lucky you! Now is the time to focus on your education and growth - relationships are for learning and intimacy. Don't invest too much in a relationship that is not going to be marraige.
Blahhalbchoo 2y ago
I do sorta see a future with her there’s just some red flags from her past and stuff and a couple mental health things that are hard to look by, though I knew her for ages through work then she ljbf me then my job changed so I never see her and she got triggered seeing me with another girl and unadded me on social media when we were on good terms.
In saying this I would still consider a long term future with her though I want to take it slower, I never really conveyed this properly and she obviously thought I was going to use her. I don’t believe in ‘going through the trash’ unless if it’s your fault that things ended and to me it is my fault since I made her think I didn’t care about her when it’s the opposite.
Any advice I miss her as a lover but also as a friend which is stupid because I conveyed to her we wouldn’t talk as much anymore but we still have that connection. I’m seeing 2 other girls right now so I’m not tunnel vision on her, but is there any advice to get her back considering that I ruined it. I got the ability to hit her up when we’re both at college to burn some time studying together or whatever and I could run some game there. She has got some things about her that I find very special
redkit5 2y ago
Your perspective is not an alpha male one. You are going to have oneitis for that girl if you keep going like this. If you have not cared in the past why you have been becoming needy when she drifts away from you? That's the oneteis for me. Winning her back bla bla reminds me of holywood craps.
Furthermore, she threw bunch of shit test at you, which you had to dodge. Even if they weren't shit tests, it shows she didn't see you as alpha fucks side. You don't have to choose either.