So, I've heard about RP quite a few years ago, guess when I was about 17 (I'm 24 this year). Wasn't in shock, didn't go through anger phase or anything and didn't internalize everything although I sure did some things. Fast forward to me being 20, almost 2 years of active fucking on Tinder I move to a new city and end up in a relationship. The girl was sweet although inmature, nowdays I'm thinking we ended up together mostly because both of us were feeling lonely at the time (she's a foreigner in my country) and just kept going from there. Either way after about 2 years I started to slowly realize that this isn't the relationship that I'm going to stay in for my life since we were too different (no common interests, literally any, as well as different approach to life and future). Still, I was too much of a pussy to end it, especially since there were periods of time where despite everything, it was all going lovely. Both of us starting our careers, helping each other out - standard stuff I suppose but my lack of experience with relationships played a huge role in here.

So, about a week ago started to think about ending it, this time for serious. Went through a weekend with her with a fake smile on my face and then, one day later (aka yesterday) realized that despite her being in a pretty bad place right now it's going to suck even more for both of us if I pretend all is good for next month before doing the thing. So, went to her place and ended it right there. Left after about 5-10 mins and then spent 1h on a call.

So, my questions:

  1. Pain. Obviously, I still have feelings for her, we've been together for almost 4 years and it's been the first serious. Do not worry, I'm not going to change my decision and get back with her, I pride myself on going through life by logic over emotions. Still, even despite having 4 tinder meetings already scheduled (one happening in ~1h lol) I'm simply curious on a good approach to it. Keeping yourself busy is an obvious one, although my thoughts still come back to her which is, simply said, annoying. Also, so far I'm trying to keep all of these emotions contained behind a wall, talked to my friend but that's about it. Idk if that's a good approach or should I actually allow myself cry like a baby for few hours to feel better, kinda afraid it will make regret stronger instead of weaker. More experienced people - feel free to tell me how'd you deal with this.

  2. I know all too well that lots of people here will tell me to go 'fuck that bitch, you don't owe her anything', but despite me being able to block her etc the fact is she's in a pretty dark spot right now (all her friends here went back to their countries recently at a similiar time, stuff at her work, she just moved to a new apartement and half the things dont work there and constant issues with documents or stuff like taxes which are pretty tough for a foreigner here to deal with). So part of me wants to simply cut all contact to make it easier for myself and for her, but it'd make me feel shitty about not at least helping her with some of the documents right now. Thoughts?

  3. She went "4 years, you at least owe me to try a little bit more, we can work something out of it". Yes, it's a manipulation, although I did agree to meet her next weekend after taking some time off each other. My good friend who has lots of experience (lots of hookups and few longer relationships) is telling me to cancel it since not only will this make shit more painful to me but also to her. I'd be mostly meeting with her to at least give her some closure - again, I know I don't "owe" her anything, but 4 years man, I still care about her mentality, least I can do is leave her not ruined. No, I wouldn't get back to her, I at leat have that much self control,. Again, thankful for thoughts.

I'm well aware my situation is not unique in any way, it's just ego I guess that seeks validation/tips online despite reading through trp threads for years. Feel free to roast me.