Tl;Dr I been having a hard time since this happened it's my first relationship and cheating, I wanted to marry this girl and now I'm in a scarcity mindset because she had everything I wanted on a woman.
I've been struggling with OCD this last year and my 4 year relationship was paying the price. My (ex-)girlfriend suggested that we'd go on a break and I would take the opportunity to have a treesome as she was too Catholic to be in one. I didn't want this but she pressured me into it. The break would last for 3 months but that is besides the point. I moved to my dad's place to recover while she stayed at our place. I tried to go on dates but my game was shit, I wasn't confident and my OCD probably didn't help either.
This monday I go to invite her to come have dinner and I hear another guy at our house. I confronted her and learnt that she had sex with him.
I'm fucking devastated. I want to be stoic but this hurts fucking too much. I'm trying to be with my friends and family.
I have several questions:
1) how do I get rid of the scarcity mindset? I know I have to spin plates but I eventually want to have a partner and kids I wanted a partner like her. I don't know where even to look.
2) how can I ease the pain?
3) how can I stop carrying about her?
4) how to proceed?
5) who should I share this event with?
Problematic_Browser 1 3y ago
You DON'T want a partner like her, her actions disqualified her.
Life is pain. Learn, grow, move on.
Same as #2
Same as #3
[deleted] 3y ago
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FRITP 3y ago
Thanks for the suggestions!
[deleted] 3y ago
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FRITP 3y ago
I won't let OCD win. I'm working on myself. And I'll become better than I ever was. I now just feel so lonely and hurt pretty much like a kid.
Edit: Thanks for the kind words
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 3y ago
Did your list not include "faithfulness"?
If that was part of "everything you wanted in a woman", then she didn't have that.
You weren't in love with her. You were in love with a false vision. How much of that was her deceit vs your just making shit up because of fuck-hormones is beside the point. What's important is, she just now revealed the real her.
"I want to take a break" or any variation pretty much means "I have my eye on another dude (or several dudes), but I want you to be my safety net if none of that pans out". Don't fall for that shit.
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Fuck other women. Spin plates.
Then why did you ask?
Forget this "partner" garbage. Partners are equals, and men and women are not equal. A man's natural place is above the woman, and women's hypergamy makes them want only men whom they perceive as above them. Ignore the bullshit that normies, bloopies, feminists, etc. screech about "equality".
1) hit the gym
2) fuck other women
1) hit the gym
2) fuck other women
1) hit the gym
2) fuck other women
Not any women.
Us here. Your father, brothers, close male friends.
Einsamer 3y ago
Hi, here's your first homework, due tomorrow evening:
Write down a list of all attributes that either you or generally people would find negative about her.
I'll start for you and you continue in your answer:
Lone_Ranger 3 3y ago
sorry to hear this - one thing I can guarantee - the passage of time will heal it. You will look back on this time a few years hence and think 'why the fuck was I so cut up about this useless girl?' I promise you that is how it will be.
Right now, you are feeling the pain. The pain is real, nobody can make it go away..except you.
You have to realise that women are basically interchangeable. There are millions of women out there. Nobody is unique. Nobody is irreplicable.
You will meet many many other women in your life. Many.
Bulba 3y ago
To "take a break" is a rookie mistake. Don't "take a break", just break up.
Some guys say you should demote her to plate, however, I believe this is not for you ( you don't seem to be good enough at game to do this the right way ). Guys like you should just go no contact, remove her from your socials and hit on other girls.
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mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Dude...... she demanded a break, what did you think was going to happen?
Your dream of a loyal faithful life partner is delusion. Learn this yourself or wait for another woman to teach you it. Your choice.
It takes time but it gradually lessens
Doesn't matter if you care about her, treat her as if she no longer exists. No contact, no chats, ,unfollow her everywhere, remove her from your life 100%. Caring about her is natural, but she isn't worthy of your care so have zero contact with her.
Either go cold turkey and don't see any women, or focus on fucking some and building a rotation. Do not have another relationship for another year at least: you can't handle it.
Tell everyone the truth: you broke up.
Cal-Dirty 3y ago
If you want marriage and kids - you have to join an orthodox church; not only so she is on the same page - but so you're surrounded socially only by others also on the same page. I know joining a church is a serious commitment, but that's the only way to give yourself a fair shake. They say, "marriages have a 50% chance" - but the truth is, they're not telling you the nuances. A secular marriage, with a college educated chick, who has had previous partners - has a success rate of 1%. If you found one who didn't cheat before the ring and kids - you will have just walked into the scenario where she is going to leave after 8-10 years, destroying you on her way out the door. If you want to stay secular - you have to write off your dream of marriage and kids.
nicknack 3y ago
You can have kids overseas, that’s 99% likely what I’m gonna do. The women are way thin and more feminine too, so you can actually enjoy fucking them more than the soft American girls. Leave the kids there and send them some money every month, go visit once or twice a year.
FRITP 3y ago
Most fucked up men are raised by single mom's. So if you do that you are guaranteeing your kids are blue pilled spoiled brats that will probably end up in jail
Cal-Dirty 3y ago
What's the point of having kids people think you stole if they see you holding them? lol Half the reason America has no real 'people' is the mongrelization of the society. We literally had to invent 'white', 'black', and 'brown' so our people could pretend they weren't mutts.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Ghost her and never look back. I know this is much simpler advice than you want to hear but start there, and when you've done that find the next steps.
Your first step here is to cut contact, remove her from your life, and heal back to a place where you can be your own man again and move on
That's step one
1) not sure. I haven't been in an LTR in 10 years. Even if you're not fucking them, be valuable enough that you can obviously tell you have options that would fuck you. That's a hack to have abundance without spinning them if you're opposed to it
2) follow my step one advice. Talk to trusted people but go out in nature. Pick up old hobbies, new hobbies, reach out to people you care about that you maybe lost touch with during your time with her. Reconnect and form new social networks. Be busy
3) cut her off and then explore healthier experiences with new people and activities you love. Develop a mission that isn't her
4) already answered
5) anyone you trust who won't dick you over by sharing it. Particularly men. Find communities of men who have been cheated on. They will share your pain. Talk to them as long as need be. A lot of men have been cheated on, I'm sure many men you share this with in your life will tell you that, some will have great advice and perspective
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Our house? I'd deal with that first. Kick her out, end the lease, whatever. Then ghost her. You're basically her orbiter/beta bucks at this point.
If you want a wife and kids go to the land of the wives. Indonesia, Philippines, Columbia, E. Europe, etc. Western women don't want to be wives. They want to be hoes.
nicknack 3y ago
Western women are obsessed with wanting to be married, but to then it’s a one day event / party they can show off to the world that someone actually wanted to marry them. They don’t actually have to play the part of the wife after that day. Then after a view years of draining you financially, physically and emotionally they get a sweet prize and reward when they dump your ass on the street because they’re no longer 29-37 and society doesn’t look down on them for not being married anymore.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Yeah and children are accessories for their selfies.
financehardo420 3y ago
Hey brother; I feel your pain.
First you need to abandon the whole concept of life partner and family. It’s a hard pill to swallow… but today’s times are different than those of our fathers. The culture amongst women has changed drastically, the laws are skewed in such a manner that women Are literally given immense financial incentive to divorce and take the kids. Read redpill sidebar, sit in some divorce court sessions, etc etc until you really internalize this. As for scarcity mindset; exactly as you said - spin plates. Don’t be seeing just one girl at a time or you’ll catch oneitis. See multiple - have options. Sarah annoyed you/blowed you off? No problem; Jessica, Katie, and Olivia all want to see you tn just take your pic. This position of ABUNDANCE will build your frame and your entire demeanor towards women will change. It’s how you become the chad alpha fux you were born to be. Embrace it.
Do whatever to get your mind off it. Personally I recommend the gym. Dedicate yourself to increasing your SMV and push yourself to start going out there and building a roster so that u get some options brother.
Having options and dedicating yourself to your higher purpose/mission.
Hit the gym and hit the bars. Start talking to women. Read the redpill sidebar and internalize it. Employ proper bitch mgmt and push pull tactics etc.
FRITP 3y ago
What is push pull tactics?